you me and my stupidity

Re-Boot

2011-05-05T19:36:00.000+10:00

It's been a long bloody time since I last blogged and I've made up some excuses why. Too busy. Couldn't be bothered. All lame excuses. I have no real defense for neglecting anything. I've been neglecting too many things....the small things that you don't think about. Things like waking up on time. Doing what you've said. Thinking before actually saying something. I should know better and I do. Enough self pity. It's time to JFDI (Just Fucking Do It).

I've always been a guy with massive dreams. Some unachievable, some completely out of this world and some of them just plain simple. Have I achieved any? Ha! Well....maybe some of them. I need to have more realistic and achievable goals for once. No more slacking off. It's time to start a slow change. First let's get this bloody webpage image done.

This was surprisingly mundane....Oh well, time to start a routine. And keep it.

It's a vicious cycle

2010-12-21T21:53:00.000+11:00

Next year will be different....I swear I'll....These are the most common things you'll hear around this time of year apart from the sporadic greetings of "Merry Christmas" and I can relate to that. Everyone wants their future to be bright and filled with dreams instead of fear and despair. Personally I've had a rough year but I've pulled through pretty damn well, bouncing back from most issues relatively quickly =]

Most of us will make a New Years Resolution, I'm no exception to this but I am however, tempted to make a New Years Resolution like this:

~Drink more

~Smoke more

~Exercise less

~Be a jerk more

That way I can only feel better about myself if I fail to do any of the above =P

But I'll make a proper one....so I can make myself miserable and have all that shit self pity this time next year. That and I can have a few goals to accomplish while I'm at it.

*****New Years Resolution*****

***Hopefully Realistic***

Be more sensitive and considerate

Manage/Organise myself better

Move out

Save more than $4000 before July

Think things through more before taking action

Pick up a new set of skills

Get a few more qualifications

Go overseas for at least 2 weeks

Plan more events

Balance my life a little better

Offend people less

Have a fantasy burrito

Waste less time

Hmmm I tried to make that list as realistic as possible but some of that just makes me think otherwise.... Never mind. It's all good. If I fail this list....well errr...shut up. In any case, this is the time of year people take it upon themselves to self analyse and reminisce about things long lost and forgotten, things that once made you laugh but now make you cry. Things that brought you warmth which now freeze you deep inside. Thoughts like these that cause break ups and other misfortunes all around the world. But it's just a vicious cycle that repeats itself every year....So quit moping and just look forward to the New Year. Things will change....just not in the way you thought it would.

Merry Christmas, have a safe and enjoyable holidays where ever you are. May the New Year bring you many more dreams and possibilities.

I am not a maid damnit!

2010-12-02T05:39:00.000+11:00

I've been neglecting this for far too long so.....yea might as well do some errr what's it called again? Right right first person stream of consciousness writing or some shit like that. So without any further ado (or at least I hope not) here's a mind blowing account of what I've been up to and when I say mind blowing I mean your mind will explode from the sheer mundaneness of what I type here. Disappointing isn't it? Too bad.

Still working at Covent Garden Hotel so at least I have a somewhat stable source of income. Sweet sweet money ^^ The grumpy manager that's been there for 28+ years is mellowing out around me so that's pretty cool I suppose. Getting along with everyone with the exception of one.....errr won't mention the name but she's...how should I put it....bitchy and whiny. I'm really not looking forward to working with her again this week =/ In other news regarding work...I got one of my mates a job there =D He's only just started training there but he's doing alright =]

In other poorly phrased mundane news about me, I've started to cook more often. I'm thinking about at least cooking twice a week at home for friends and family instead of just randomly cooking when I feel like eating a certain dish. I'm selfish like that =P So this weeks menu will be.....drum roll anyone? Alright, alright I'll get to the point. Here's the damn menu =.=

Entree/Side Dish kind of thing: Wedges, Sour Cream and Sweet Chilli Sauce just because I'm too bloody lazy to make anything fancy as a side =/

Main Dishes: Spicy, Mexican-ish Shepherd's Pie and Spaghetti Bolognaise mainly because I can't be bothered buying too many types of ingredients so shut your pie hole right now....and I didn't mean to use the word pie....lame.

Dessert: Vanilla Ice Cream topped with Cointreau and fresh Berries =]

Good hearty meal with a sweet slightly alcoholic finish. Sounds like a plan. This brings me to something some of my friends have been saying....I would make an epic maid/butler. Great =.= Just because I can cook, make a helluva cocktail and clean among other things does NOT make me a maid! Just thinking about it makes me....well amused and disappointed in what feminism has wrought upon the world. Now how in the bloody world did I manage to make that connection? Oh right....Girls.

Yes you heard me right. Girls. At my tender age of 20 (give it a week alright?) I've noticed that girls my own age just can't look after themselves. Financially and domestically. It must be something to do with feminism. Bear with me while I go on this misguided rant that will probably offend many of the female sex whose culinary skills may or may not be considered hazardous materials that must be sterilised before attempting to consume without fear of death or food poisoning which may lead to serious internal haemorrhaging leading to death.

Yea yea....that MIGHT have been a gross exaggeration but hey a MAJORITY of the girls I know just can't bloody cook. I mean sure they can make scrambled eggs....instant noodles....errr microwavable food and ummm....I think that's it....no wait there's cup-a-soup. Yea I mean sure they can prepare all that and all but I'll be damned if I can find more than 20 girls my age within a 5 kilometre radius that can actually cook a proper meal. Maybe it isn't feminism but whatever...I'm pinning it on the movement that brought us "equal" rights. I'm not sexist. Let's get that fact out of the way. I'm only saying what I've personally seen and heard from the actions and words of the girls that I happen to know. Girls have every right a guy does and they should. BUT! Yes there is a "but" being used in capitals and no proceeding words and exclamation mark there instead, I noticed that before I typed it. Moving along and ignoring my extremely poor use of grammar and spelling...BUT! Girls have more "rights" than guys do. I'll just list a few to give you the gist of it. Errr.....summing it up in a few words is easier so I'll go with this: Girls expect gentlemanly conduct from guys at all times =.= There. That should do it.

What I mean by that is that we of the male species are expected to go above and beyond what we do for our male mates to those of the baffling female gender. Do you ever see the girls of the group shout everyone? I thought not. In some RARE cases you will but in most if not nearly all of the time it never happens. Why you ask? Well this brings me back to my shitty half baked thoughts that I put down before and if I didn't....well here it is: They are bloody spoilt. Now that I think about it...I didn't write that down before so errr.....yea....anyways....Spoilt. Yes. Spoilt. Mummy and Daddy never want their little girl to get their hands dirty so ummmm......fuck I just thought of a whole shitload of other girls I know that aren't =.= Great...ruined my whole point right there....sigh....Wait! Blah blah double standards and crap. Let's just go back to the whole shitty cooking theory and how femnism has SOMETHING to do with it.

So....Girls. With the rise of feminism, many girls have become inept at preparing food which is not already pre-prepared for consumption. Out of the kitchen and into the business world. Or so it seems. It's more like out of the kitchen and into the lounge room waiting to be fed by the guys instead. As girls only need to rely on physical attributes and not much else to attract the opposite sex, they need not polish their skills in any other field if they so choose. Us guys however have to rely on a myriad of ever changing skills and attributes which are a pain to obtain. Ghey....So in any case....Learning how to cook is for all intents and purposes of this random rant a way of surviving in the brutal world of attempting to attract a potential partner. You know what? Screw this post. I'm tired. I'm sore from playing squash too intensively. I came back from work only 3 hours ago and I have class in less than 6 hours. Just looked at the time. 5:30am =.= Fuck it.

I'm just gonna say "All animals are born equal. Some animals are born more equal than others" - Animal Farm

Figure out yourselves. You bloody well should be able to after all that crappy ranting that said almost the exact same thing. Good bloody morning to you all.

Devastating Revelations

2010-10-27T03:34:00.000+11:00

Right. So what have I been doing with my life? Failed a few subjects in my course. Kept a job and am looking at a promotion (whee?). Pissed off a fair few people. Got bitch slapped by a stinging rebuke. Damn. That was quick. And short =/ Shit. Errr....well might as well go on and explain the last couple of things since that's more likely to get someone to laugh at my stupidity or pity me forever more. Alternatively you could just not give a shit. That's more likely =]

I talk too much about work, I'm overconfident, I don't know when to be modest, I don't know how to take a compliment, I overreact over the slightest things just for kicks. In other words (her words really): I am an egotistical drama queen. Somehow I thought I would've had more words.....hmmm after effects of being told something I might have been aware of but twice as painful because it's true and from someone I actually give a shit about. No that wasn't from my sis although she reminds me of the fact a fair amount but not in those words =/

So I like to talk about what I do....isn't that natural? But I take it too far. That's a given. But fuck....it's not I'm INTENTIONALLY trying to show off or be an ass. Ugh. I know now that my ego has been a sort of barrier against many things like fatigue, stress and apathy. Now that it's deflated and I see myself for what some others see me as I feel as if I've been covering the cracks in myself with paper. Time to ram it full of concrete instead.

Maybe I'll fill my mouth with it while I'm at it.

Contentment is stagnation

2010-08-31T10:28:00.000+10:00

It's been.....Hell I don't know when I last attempted to blog so I'll try and make up for lost time by rambling on and on excessively. Let's see...What's changed since I last wrote something here? Hmmm...Well the first thing that pops to mind would be my new job =D I can't believe I took time to think about that hahaha.....Shut up I haven't slept since waking up the day before after working for 3 days straight with minimal sleep alright?! >< Anyways, new job, lack of sleep, attempting to attempt completing my crappy diploma of business, less sleep, loss of weight (HOW!?!? I eat like 4x the normal amount!!), realisation I might have ADHD (I checked the symptoms recently and I fit the descriptions exactly.....Strange...I'll go into this later =]), broken promises, shattered hearts (pfft I'm obviously immune to this.....not .='[ ), misguided thoughts and an increase in my overall lack of sanity. Sounds about right ^^; Let's get on with this shit excuse for....Errrr shit! ....Come on at least shit is useful in fertilising other shit, all my blog does is....Shit on itself? =S

So yea...In case you didn't know, I love money. I'm mercenary. Incredibly mercenary. I would sell my brother for money.....Wait.....Anyone who's met my brother would sell him if he was their sibling....Wait wait hold on that's wrong....Anyone who's met my brother would PAY to get rid of him. Let's not linger on my perceived hatred of my younger fatter hypocritical and extremely likely closet homosexual sibling simply because I won't shut up if I talk about him any longer than.....Fuck it wasn't necessary to begin with. ANYWAYS I have a new job. It pays awesome sauce. By awesome sauce I mean above minimum wage by a fair fuckload =D $15/hr is the minimum wage here in Australia. I get 24 fucking dollars an hour xD What do I do at my job you ask? Pfft as if you didn't know I'm almost obsessed with bartending =.=

So yea, I work at a pub called Covent Garden Hotel. The people are nice, the pub is clean, the beer is always available (unlike some OTHER bar I would mention....), the patrons/customers fairly amiable BUT (yes, there's ALWAYS going to be a "BUT" in any sentence jackass =P) the tips are fairly shit. Yes, you heard me. Despite me getting a sexy rate at 19 years of age I still whinge about how much I get tipped....Well shut the fuck up, I like my money more than I care for your opinion =P In any case, I like the place despite how eccentric some of my female coworkers are...Thanks for the advice Alice....I really needed to know that I shouldn't in your words "Go for the boobies!". Pure poetry =.=

Errr....Yea before getting sidetracked I was errr....ummm....yea.....explaining why I like my job ^^ I get shifts, I get paid, my rate is awesome sauce (it pisses awesome over nearly all my mate's pays =D) and I feel appreciated =] Before I got this job, I assumed all bartenders were competent with cocktails....I was wrong. Pubs don't need em...or so they think =P I got this job thanks in part to my knowledge of cocktails and the manager's current idea of implementing a cocktail menu =D So yea...I'm like the go to guy for cocktails at the bar hahahah. Awesome. I was even asked for my input for the cocktail list =D Damn I feel part of something again...Let's hope I don't screw it up ^^; Still...It feels a bit weird whenever someone orders a shot or cocktail and all the staff instantly look at me....Flattering yea but it's still a bit awkward. I mean I'm the youngest guy there, I'm not used to having more experience than people 5-15 years older than me o__O On the bright side of things...I get massively tipped for cocktails when the rare order comes through =D Shots I don't get tipped much for unfortunately...But cocktails...Oh sweet fucking [insert preferred deity]! Like the guy who ordered Long Island Ice Teas from me for his "friend" because it was HER favourite drink....looked more like a date to me =P So yea, he most likely wanted to impress his date and wanted something she liked. I didn't know about the gal til I went for a smoke break and saw him with his pretty gal =O Errr....sidetracked again zzzz.....Where was I? Right, the tip. So he ordered the Long Islands for himself and his bonnie lass and I charge him $18 simply because we don't have a cocktail button installed (and I cbf'd pressing house spirit 4 times but I do that now for cocktails cuz I don't wanna get fucked over....). So he gives me a $50 note and tells me to keep the change. What. The. Fuck? $32? EH!? WHA!? REALLY?! WHY!?! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL! o__O Errr yea....That kinda knocked me off balance >< Totally didn't expect such a big tip. I'm used to getting $10 MAX for a cocktail tip....It only made sense when I noticed the gender of his so called "friend" ;)

Well I might as well be constructive after that bit of random rambling/recounting so I'll type out the cocktail and shooter list complete with instructions! I really can't be fucked to find pictures to accompany them so go find some on google yourself you lazy bastard =P

Please note: The amount specified is MY recipe not the pub's....something about not having more than 60mL in each drink....zzz

Vanilla Caprioska (WAIT I DID THIS BEFORE DIDN'T I!??! Ahhh w/e it was ages ago...I'll do this one the pub's way.....even though I suggested the recipe and modified it to fit in the shitty 60mL limit)

45mL Vodka (Preferably vanilla flavoured but the pub doesn't have it =[ )

15mL Galliano Vanilla

4 Wedges of Lime (I use a third to almost half a lime =P)

1-2 Tsp Sugar or 10mL Sugar Syrup

Muddle Lime and sugar/syrup in the shaker. Fill with Ice. Add liquor. Shake until shaker is bitingly cold (about 15-20 seconds should do it). Pour all contents into a highball glass (Yes that includes the lime and ice =.=). Garnish with well...fuck it doesn't need it but you can chuck in some maraschino cherries simply because they're awesome =D

Daquiri (Easily modified just like the caprioska. Great variations available just by adding a different liquor and the corresponding fruit =])

60mL Rum (45mL if adding flavours. 15mL of flavoured liquor and about 2 spoonfuls of w/e corresponding fruit)

4 Lime wedges

10mL Sugar Syrup

Soda Water

Muddle Lime and Sugar/Syrup in shaker. Fill with Ice. Add Liquor. Shake til bitingly cold. Strain into a cocktail glass (personally I double/triple strain to get rid of those tiny bits of lime floating around for aesthetics =P). Top with soda water.

To add flavours: Add fruit to the muddle. Like for a Berry Daquiri, get some berries (raspberries or blackberries or even blueberries....mmmm blueberries....) and add it to the muddle (in other words squashing the living shit out of it to get juices =D). Add berry liqueur after adding ice (something like chambord or blueberry liqueur is just what you need =]).

I think I'm getting lazy.....argh I'll keep going for the sake of making this post extremely fucking long =D Oh yea...If the shots add up to 60mL, I got lazy and abided by the pub recipes =/

Margarita

45mL Tequila

15mL Cointreau

30mL Lime Juice

Chill the cocktail glass. Fill the shaker with ice. Add all liquids (I'm lazy so shut up I already know it). Shake til the shaker freezes your hand or has a frosty look to it. Rub a slice of lime around the rim of the cocktail glass. Now invert the glass and dip the rim into some salt but not too fucking much. Put the glass upright you idiot and strain the drink into the cocktail glass =P Done.

Cbf with the cosmopolitan. Same shit as margarita. Don't salt rim. Replace tequila with Vodka. Reduce Lime to 15 mL and add 30mL cranberry Juice. Garnish with a wedge of lime. Enjoy =P

Long Island/Beach Ice Tea (The best damn tea you'll ever have. Too bad you can't drink alot of these =[)

15mL Vodka

15mL Cointreau

15mL Gin

15mL Rum

15mL Tequila

30mL Lemon Juice

10mL Sugar Syrup

Coke for Long Island Ice Tea or Cranberry Juice for a Long Beach Ice Tea

Fill shaker with Ice. Add alcohol, sugar syrup and lemon juice. Top with more ice cuz the ice will melt from the alcohol passing through. Shake that shit til it gets freezing =] Strain into a highball glass filled with ice. Top off with Coke for a Long Island or Cranberry Juice for a Long Beach.

Errr...forgot the rest of the cocktail list and I'll do the shots some other time....Damn I'm lazy =/

So yea I think I have ADHD. Check the symptoms. I have them all =/ I never would have guessed. I think it's because of that Hyper concentration trait inherent in all people with ADHD. I have an EXTREME amount of concentration when I'm reading and get into a book WAY too easily so that kind of prevents me from going all stereotypical ADHD on people. But I do exhibit symptoms. Severe restlessness, doing inappropriate things randomly in situations that require serious behaviour, running around for no reason and climbing things randomly, easily distracted, forgetting things easily, etc etc. Weird. My mind does run constantly though even if I look like I'm completely shitted and out of it. Yea...it would explain a lot =/

Anyways....1-2 hours spent on this shitty thing so I'm gonna nap for a few hours and hope my electronic cigarettes have arrived from the US.

Don't get close to me, I'll just disappoint you

2010-08-03T02:06:00.001+10:00

Once upon a time I was incredibly socially inept. I did not know what to say or who to say things to. I thought I had grown, matured, learned new things...But it seems that I am still the same retarded person I was back then. I still don't know when to keep my mouth shut. I still don't know when to say something...I haven't learnt anything at all. I'm still a disappointment to many and will most likely continue to be one to many more....Well this proves a fairly large amount of people right. I can't keep promises...To myself or other people. Just punch me in the face if it makes you feel any better. Or ignore me. I'll cope. I'm not that brittle. Sure I'll sprout waterfalls under my eyes but that needn't concern you or anyone else for that matter. I make mistakes. I'M SUPPOSED TO FUCKING LEARN FROM THOSE DAMN MISTAKES. But bloody hell....I sure take a long time to learn even the simplest things...unless there's money involved....

Well now. I've just gathered my thoughts and pulled through my self defeatist attitude and have come to terms with yet another excruciating loss. Unfortunately, this just shows how easily I get over things. I failed, I messed up, w/e, I move on. I'm tired of the whole process. Obviously I fuck up way too often so now I'm a callous wretch. If I'm to be cut off. I'll fall away quickly and roll away from where I'm being cut from. My grieving process is incredibly quick for some odd reason. Maybe because I was a bullied kid who had the nerve to stand up to people. Maybe it's cuz of what I've been through over the last 4 years but there is no way in hell I'm gonna dwell on things that will no longer be relevant.

My stages of grieving: 1. Denial 2.Bargaining 3. Depression 4. Acceptance 5. Anger at acceptance followed by just Anger then plain old Acceptance. This process takes between 2-5 hours for me. Strange. I must be extremely insensitive.

Enough boring whoever is reading this. I'm not going to spend another hour or so telling you how screwed up I am cuz you can see that already. So let's get on with my gratuitous self inflating monologue shall we? After I'm done, you're sure to hate me if you don't already! (No sarcasm intended)

Well I've finally landed a STABLE job and it makes me glow a bit on the inside every time I think about this single achievement. A smallish pub on the corner of chinatown filled with white folk. I get a minimum of one shift a week and the pay is decent. $20.04/hr on week days, $24.05 on Saturdays, $28.05 on Sundays and $44.08 on public holidays. Not too shabby. Since I work on Saturday most of the time I get roughly $200 for my night shift. So yea....Loving it =]

With the job, I can afford to pay off my debts and shit like that. =D Another plus is that I finally got myself to get gym membership =D For a fucking low rate! AHAHAHAHAHA Asian stubborn cheapness is awesome when utilised for contracts ^^ So it'll cost me less than a grand a year to keep my membership =P

Playing squash every monday. Gym right after. Study on tuesdays. Class all of wednesday. Gym and study on thursday. Recreation and possibly work on friday. Work on saturdays and gym if I don't have work the day before. Rest on sundays. That sounds pretty balanced =]

Fuck I can't be fucked writing anymore. I'll do proper post in the weeks to come. That is if I don't get shot or something like that. I won't change the title I put there in the beginning of this post simply because I believe that to be true. But here are some last words. I will not bow (to everyone), I will not break (for long) and I bloody well will get back on my feet if I get pushed down.

Ignore me but make it clear you're gonna ignore me. Once I'm done. I'm moving on. Goodbye and thanks for all the fish.

Inane ramblings: Part 7

2010-07-06T22:07:00.000+10:00

Woo Hoo! Back from the capital city of australia! Canberra btw is a mega awesome place compared to sydney and here's my shitty personal reasons why!

1. The people are nicer! People aren't so uptight and are willing to start a conversation on the street. Sydney is like....zzz ignore ignore ignore [insert a "I'm too good for you" look] and complaining kind of place. Loosen up people!

2. Ummmm....the atmosphere, it's so much more laid back and relaxed, no one seems to be in that much of a rush in canberra =D

3. Errr....fuck I've actually forgotten the rest zzz.... forget it. All you need to know is that canberra is awesome =]

Damn, had a really awesome time at canberra. Sean, Jizzy, Ushan (if you're reading this....this ain't a basketball court mate, it's my blog =P) and I went to canberra to celebrate Alisson's (Sean's girlfriend =]) birthday over the weekend. Can't say I didn't love it there cuz to be completely honest, I enjoyed nearly every damn moment ^^

Well we got to canberra at around 4pm EST saturday, 26/06 and we had a nice bacon and errrr....spinach cream sauce and pasta cooked by Alisson for lunch. Too bad Izzy couldn't eat it...religious reasons -sigh- it was pretty good =] So yea... after dumping our shit at Frank n Sam's apartment we went to shop for our dinner ingredients for Alisson's bday dinner.

Here's the menu:

Chicken Con Carne

Serves 4 (We should've doubled the ingredients, this turned out better than we thought it would =D)

60mL Olive Oil

500g Chicken Mince

2 Small Onions

1 Green Capsicum

1 can Peeled Tomatoes

1 can Red Kidney Beans

1 clove Garlic, crushed

1 tbs Tomato Paste

1/4 cup Wine (optional....hehehe...added it just for kicks xD)

2 tsp Chilli Powder

Beef Bou-something has gnogn or someshit in the spelling. Don't ask me, I don't speak french =.=

Serves 6

60-100mL Vegetable Oil

1kg Beef Chuck Steak

10 Baby Onions

400g Button Mushrooms

250mL Beef Stock

250mL Dry Red Wine (fuck it we used about half a litre xD)

1/4 cup Flour

2 Bay Leaves

2tbs Oregano

CRACKED BLACK PEPPERCORNS!!! (Not in this recipe BUT IT WAS AWESOME!!)

3 rashers Bacon (we didn't use this, Izzy is halal so yea....)

A shitload of salt if you're not using the bacon

Chocolate Mousse

Serves 2 (We made enough for like 10-15 people =P)

100g dark chocolate

1 egg

125 mL thick cream

2tsp caster sugar

Yea....it all turned out pretty damn awesome. I really can't be bothered writing down the recipes right now so if you want the instructions you can email me or leave me a comment with your email address attached =P

Cocktail/Drink menu =D

Tequila Sunrise

Half cup Ice

45 mL Tequila

Almost fill with OJ

Dash of Raspberry Cordial

Supposed to serve just one....but...after the bottle dropped down to just a third...HELLO BOTTLE OF EXTRA STRENGTH TEQUILA SUNRISE!! xD

2 x 1L Bottle of Wet Pussy Shots (With substitutions cuz....SOMEBODY didn't buy cranberry juice =.=)

20-30 shots....(10 if you manage to take the bottle away from Ushan)

350mL Vodka

350mL Peach Schnapps

200mL Apple Cranberry Juice (I feel like a failure using this...)

Half a Lemon and Lime (For that extra citrus kick ^^)

Special Birthday Sex on the Beach Variation! (This is like...definitely not made in bars cuz you totally would be fined for the excessive amount of alcohol in it hahahaha....><)

Serves uhhh....ummm....in this case I'll say just ONE =P

Grab a bottle...some kind of water bottle, like those sports water bottles with that pop up lid. Chuck in around 8 large ice cubes.

Pour in 4 seconds worth of Malibu or if you're measuring.....around 2-4 shots

45 or so mL of Vodka

Almost fill with Orange Mango Juice (Supposed to be pineapple juice...but again...SOMEONE didn't buy any =.=)

Dash of Raspberry Cordial (WHY DIDN'T ANYONE BUY ANY CRANBERRY JUICE!?!?!)

Throw bottle into the air and watch them scramble for it~! Just kidding =P

Completely Retarded Kiwi & Rum Slushee~ (I'd say it's similar to a Daquiri)

Serves ???? o___O <

The ingredients are kinda vague to me...I did this while recovering from clubbing that night so...here's a rough guess of what I put in hahaha

6-8 Cups of Ice

1 Chopped Kiwi Fruit (I'm surprised I didn't cut myself ^^;)

1 Lime,- Skin Removed

Quarter bottle of Rum

Errrr....about ¼ cup of sugar? ><

Yea....that one is really vague in my memory...I have no idea why I made that in -3 degree weather...Good idea Bill...making yourself colder when you're pretty fucking cold in the first place >.>

Ugh...I can't remember what I was going to write thanks to my idiot of a brother who pulled my net out while I was typing this out...about a week ago =.= With my shitty capped net I can barely access my blog...Oh wells at least I made some cash off the FIFA World Cup xD

Anyways I really can't be fucked writing anything in any sort of coherent manner so I'll just ramble on and finish in a lil bit. I've been listening to Jet a lot lately, their songs are just so catchy =P DON'T JUDGE ME!!! 1 week after Canberra and I feel kinda iffy, I don't think I'm ok physically...My skin is completely fucked now >< To be fair it was never great to begin with so no real loss there...still it's making me feel like shit, I'll go to the doc's on thursday for a check up =/

Hmm...I'm really envying couples these past few days -sigh- I've been single for what? 19 and a half fucking years. Ugh. I can't be fucked elaborating. It's pointless. Not a single girl is interested. The only time I get their attention is when I'm making drinks or cooking. After that....fucking hell... I feel like a used tool zzzz. And yes I'm rolling my eyes as I'm typing this shit excuse for a blog right now, occasionally doing some curls with my left arm while typing or smoking. Yea....I'm pretty fucking bored....that and I don't have a fucking heater =.= The curls heat my body up and the smoking does that to a certain extent so yea...I feel like a lunatic who won't stop rolling his eyes at his own thoughts. Wow so much for finishing in a lil bit...This is just like a bloody stream of consciousness kind of thing...I think.

Oh yea! Apparently I have a repressed side that'll show itself when I'm in a place where I hardly know anyone =P Tyvm Sam...I really needed to know that...not. Still that's kinda interesting =] Like I'm kind of unsure of how I behave. I know I'm a fucking extrovert a majority of the time...especially in larger groups but for some fucking uncontrollable reason I become withdrawn and quiet when I'm alone with someone. There's so many things I want to say but I don't dare speak it out loud. So many things I want to let you know but I'm scared of how you'll take it...I can't even type up what I want to say just because I'm a too bloody scared of losing contact. Fuck I'm a bloody coward. Time and time again I've been told by many a close friend to fucking man the fuck up and do it already but alas...I am a mere boy unskilled in the arts of errrr....just realised what I was about to type. Fuck.....I'm a fucking coward. I can be myself around everyone except for one person....DAMN IT!

I think I'll just mope for just a little bit.

On another note, I can't look at white Sambuca without feeling sick...I drank so much of that shit that I filled up an entire sink and passed out soon after. Goon and Sambuca do NOT mix well.

This blog post has turned into a cesspit of despair and self pity from an overly happy post of excitement and rejuvenation. How things change in such a short period of time. I'm sure you can spot the transition. Self pity is the stupidest thing I can do to myself and here I am doing just that. Well fuck it. I'm going to have a fucking shower, exercise then make myself feel like less of a failure.

“I don't know anymore, what I need and what for

All I know is there must be something more”

~ La Di Da– Jet

Inane ramblings: Part 6

2010-06-19T16:37:00.002+10:00

Well..I'm going back to work at maccas. Yea....Say what you will. I'm ramming my pride down my throat and doing what needs to be done. I'm strapped for cash. Really strapped for cash. I'm not going to rely on the government or my parents to support me. I'm too stubborn to rely on someone else to do everything for me.

Well....this is pretty fucked up. It's back to being McBill again. Never thought that would happen....oh wells. Shit happens. Hope this is for the best.

Wish me luck in finding another job soon!

Alternatively, you could help me find a decent paying stable job =]

Inane ramblings: Part 5

2010-06-10T16:32:00.000+10:00

I really can't be bothered with the title for some reason. I must be getting lazy....wait that's not news at all, I've always been lazy >< Anyways, I've made a few life choices recently on my personal beliefs and philosophy. One of these choices is not to continue studying at insearch. I really don't seem to see the point of going there at this point in time. I do nothing but laze around and cram at the end of the semester. It's not like I'm learning alot there so yea...I'm going to the institute of commercial management for an events management training course/diploma with real hands on experience. I might regret it in the future but hey it's my life, my choice and possibly my mistake....but it's MY CHOICE and no one else's. If it's a mistake I'll learn something from it, if it's a good decision then hell yea I've done right by me but in either case it'll be me who benefits or loses out.

I'm more than willing to take advice or suggestions but in the end, it's all up to me, I'm no ones play thing to be tossed around and led into paths that aren't my choice..I ain't a fucking drone. Sure I fuck up but no ones perfect and I think I'm repeating myself hahaha oh well at least it's my mistake =P I don't believe in fate or destiny even though life does throw in a few things that might seem like it but yea life is what YOU make it not what someone else makes it, it's ultimately up to YOU to lead your life. Why bother believing that someone is leading your life for you? I mean wouldn't that defeat the whole purpose of living? You make choices, some good some bad and some that are fucked up beyond belief but what ever choice YOU make it'll be YOUR choice and that's what counts ^^

Here's something that just occurred to me...if the proposed internet filter actually get implemented my blog might be one of the blacklisted sites because of government dissent hahaha. Kinda of sad if you think about it =P It'll give me a ego boost if it does though hahaha.

Hmmmm you know....some religions actually make some sort of sense...in theory that is. I was having a discussion with some mates of mine and one of them mentioned one that was about morphic fields? I think that' what it was called but morphic fields are errr....a group consciousness kind of thing that people can tap into and grow together. I like that concept mainly because understanding others would be simplified if morphic fields existed and conflicts wouldn't be such a common occurrence. That reminds me, a few anime series have something similar but with cybernetics and such instead but the concept is pretty similar. Ghost in the Shell is a classic example, can't be bothered going to specifics cuz I've been told my blog posts go for way too long hahaha. Let's see....Real Drive, Gundam 00, Neon Genesis Evangelion (in the human instrumentality plan)....what else...a few shows with telepathy I suppose =/

Ahhhh....I'm feeling restless and somewhat sleepy....fuck it's only 4:30 pm =.= I must be getting old..........or insane. Ah screw it, insanity is sanity and sanity is most definitely a form of insanity. The mundane must have a disease of being normal...life must be dull for them I suppose but then again I'm slightly insane. Rest assured, I will not be the face outside your window =P

Inane ramblings: Part 4

2010-06-02T17:53:00.000+10:00

Well well well, it's a new money....I mean new month filled with money sorry, many opportunities for the common job seeker and uni student. Good news! I have a new job! But...will it last? =/ Anyways, it's the beginning of another month and almost end of financial year so yea it's time for all those slackers out there to look for a job right now. IT'S END OF FINANCIAL YEAR FFS! This is the time of year when employers are looking for new employees...errr...more specifically mid june to early july. It's cuz alot of people leave their jobs right around this time of year....dunno why maybe cuz it's winter and it's summer overseas o__O But yea now is the time to get a job, or at least attempting to...

Anyways here's a few tips for anyone with very little experience looking for a job...trust me you'll want these =]

1. ALWAYS TALK TO THE MANAGER!! Don't even bother with asking an employee for a job, when you find a place you want to work at, ask for a manager (or licensee if it's a licensed venue, usually one and the same though) and ask the MANAGER if they are hiring. NOT the employee. The MANAGER.

And this is why: The employee could lose your resume, shred it, throw it away, forget about it chuck it on some pile or even eat it...cmon some people eat paper alright? Continuing on...The manager has no fucking clue to who the fuck YOU are if you don't meet them in person, it's kinda like ordering some random foreign food off a menu without pictures or descriptions....You don't know what you're getting. Talking to the manager also helps cuz it's almost like an informal interview =] They ask about you, get to know you a bit and yea....you're better off than the guy who just dropped off his resume w/o thinking about it.

2. DON'T WASTE ~~RESUMES~~/PAPER! Printing off a shitload of resumes can be a good idea....IF you have no idea where the hell you wanna work. But if you're talking to the managers instead of the staff, you'll know if they're interested or not. If they're not interested then forget giving them a resume, it'll save you shitloads of money in the long run. When you've applied for over 15 jobs in one day for an extended amount of time, you'll know what I mean...

3. DON'T BE TOO FUCKING PICKY!! Unless of course you already have experience....1 week of work experience in high school does NOT count =.= Pick something small to begin with, something that might not pay well....something that others might not wanna do. Who needs to give a fuck about what anyone thinks about where you work or what you do there as long as YOU are getting paid and getting valuable EXPERIENCE. Make a deal or something, take less pay for like a month or some shit to get into their good books and get the experience you need to move on. 6 months is ok-ish but it's better to have a year's worth of experience. The optimal amount of experience at a place is between 18-24 months =P

4. BE CONFIDENT!!!! I cannot stress this point enough. I don't mean in their face confident or being a complete dickhead. I mean being confident enough to talk about yourself, sell yourself a bit, twist the truth a little...A LITTLE BIT but not an outright lie. Show that you can learn quickly, paraphrase what they said and repeat that to the potential employer if they're telling you something important. Hell show some bloody insight if you can. Find some common ground or something, it'll make you both more comfortable and you'll be that much closer to finding a new job =]

I think that's about it. There've been quite a few people asking around about how to find a job and I can't be bothered repeating myself that many times...maybe I'll just give them a link to this post next time...meh whatever...I actually don't mind being asked, in fact I feel quite flattered that they think me a job whoring bastard =D

Good luck with finding a job, hope you found some of this helpful ^^

Inane ramblings: Part 3

2010-05-29T23:43:00.000+10:00

Too much free time and a lack of employment at the moment means I am bored out of my mind. Fuck my life, I really don't see why I can't get a stable job. I've seen the type of people they hire instead of me in some places and FUCK they can't do shit. The other day I walked into a bar and asked for a caprioska....and you know what? The guy didn't have a clue on how the fuck to make one, I told him step by step on how to make it....but the idiot didn't have any idea what a muddler was. Fucking hell. I walked him through it and shook it myself. Bloody idiot. In any case, I'm just bitching my ass off simply because I have too much free time on my hands. Fuck it. Tomorrow I'm going down to cockle bay wharf and darling harbour to find myself a new fucking job as soon as possible. I'll head out early just to make sure. Fuck I can't even use paragraphs anymore hahahah. I'm probably swearing too much but fuck it, I don't care. All I want is to get some more cash doing what I'm good at and what I enjoy.

No point just staying here and bitching about it...It's time for some action =D

Inane ramblings: Part 2

2010-05-25T19:58:00.000+10:00

"If you don't say anything, no one will know", this is probably why I still blog...no that's not it. It IS the reason why I still blog. I want to be heard. I want my existence acknowledged. I want to be remembered. I want to be understood. I'm being selfish. We all are. Humans strive to have their existence acknowledged by others. This is why we (despite our ardent objections and denials) crave information about celebrities and possibly fantasise about being known by the world.

Being self aware means knowing what it means to be alone, knowing that existence has an end but it also means pushing the limits of we can achieve before we perish. Why waste time being sad, being angry or being annoyed when we can just live for the moment and the future? Dwelling on things only makes it worse but thanks to guilt ridden society we live in it's fucking impossible. Especially since society as a whole is mainly dominated by two things: The english language and christianity. Here's why I believe this.

The english language provides the world with the shittest guilt tripping word in all of man kind: SHOULD. Fucking should. Just using that word implies guilt and reflection on your actions/thoughts/feelings/everything else. "Should" should be banished from any and all vocabularies. You should have, I should have, We should have, They should have....All of these phrases have one thing in common: Accusatory connotation. Fuck I'll leave it that. I don't like the word. I'm trying not to use it =/

Christianity...ahhh....my most hated religion. Dominance, social segregation, depression, unnecessary guilt, manipulation, arrogance, corruption, hatred, stupidity and too much other shit. Let's go on about each of the things I've mentioned shall we?

Note to zealous christians: If this offends you, kindly leave before you are offended and invite the wrath of your non-existent god on me =]

Dominance: "Believe in god", the ten commandments, ranking in the priesthood, hell, the celibacy of the priesthood, heaven, etc. Obeying one all mighty being that doesn't have a confirmed tangible form is just asking to be dominated and used. Fuck I won't go into a lot of detail for any of this or I won't stop. In fact I have a feeling that whatever I type after this will somehow relate to domination =/

Social segregation: I wonder who actually wrote the fucking bible. Must've been some puritan king of some sort who had a lot of issues and delusions. Anyways, I'm only gonna say a few words: Believe or you'll die, believe in something else and we'll kill you. What else is there to do but separate into to different groups to avoid retarded zealots? =/

Depression and Unnecessary guilt: Ahhhh....the concept of sin. "This is sin. That is sin. There is sin all around us." Shut the fuck up you retard. Sin is the creation of puritans. Not having any fun or having any sense of enjoyment is tantamount to giving up on life. Don't push your depression on me or anyone else. Fucking puritans. Oh right...I was supposed to be saying something else =/ Anyways confessional box and "confessing" this and that thing. I did this shit thing, I was horny, I had a wank, I had root, I had a fucking drink. Need I say any more?

Fuck I really "shouldn't" continue on my bitching. In fact I won't. This'll take hours to finish and I don't really have the time to be indignant nor will I bother typing this again unless I really need to vent.

[Insert: La di da di da and whatever, so on and so forth, something something something and insert some other shit that sounds meaningful but isn't and some random message to conclude]

Currently reading: "The interpretation of dreams" ~ Freud

Inane ramblings: Part 1

2010-05-25T17:50:00.000+10:00

I find myself realising things about myself more and more often these days, maybe it's because of the free time I have to myself or maybe it has something to do with what I've read recently but nevertheless I find myself probing deeper into myself and extracting the reasons for why I do things the way I do.

I'm impulsive and quite reactive. I tend to overreact and comment on almost any given circumstance which is...I suppose a failing of mine but hey it's not like I want to be a retard half the time, I just like to show what I think/feel at the time rather than let it eat me up on the inside. Leaving shit inside will just make that shit fester and fuck you up unless it's something moderately sweet or satisfying. And I just realised I'm rambling and going around in circles again =/

Anyways...I've found out what kind of girl I feel attracted to =O Yea...I know, random... Now shut up and let me continue =P I like a gal who's got a brain....and actually uses it, a gal who can think of her own views, a girl who can stand up for herself and fights for her own place in the world, in other words someone with strength of mind or something like that. I'm not saying that looks aren't a factor like come on! Guys are shallow creatures and so are girls....to a certain extent but not so much as guys hahhaha....I've pissed someone off haven't I...? Shit... Well in any case, that's what I've found out quite recently while sorting through some of the memories of my feelings and sentimental crap like that. Stop laughing! Nah fuck it, laugh away!

Lalalala now that I've revealed that bit of insignificant (to you, not me) information, I can't be fucked typing up anything on here.....oh wait here's another revelation of sorts or well errr a uhhh confession to make... I love to gamble. Noooo I don't mean I love to gamble money, don't get me wrong I enjoy gambling, I like the shiny lights and the ding ding of the blackjack machine but what I mean by gamble is taking risks on things. I like to risk part of my future on going to some random place and asking for a job that may or may not be stable. I like to risk my possible freedom in taking up said jobs that might not even pay me. It might not sound like much...but it is gambling in its own way. I mean if I take a bar job that only offers graveyard shifts and continue studying...aren't I risking my chance at getting into a uni course that I want? Aren't I risking my mental health? Could I possibly be slightly insane? Yes, yes and YES.

Well to cap this crap off I'd like to share what I think of life now. Life is like my favourite gambling game: Blackjack. You can stand where you are and hope for the best and hope that life has dealt you the right cards or you can take a chance and hit and hope that you get the card that you need to gain the upper hand. Wow....that kind of made sense =D

Note to self

2010-05-11T14:55:00.001+10:00

Punch ron later

Random Inspiration

2010-04-30T13:56:00.000+10:00

To make myself fall asleep, I tend to watch a movie that I've seen that's either mediocre or slightly musical just because I find it hard to sleep in silence unless I'm extremely tired. You might be wondering where this is going but it's more than likely you don't give a shit =] So here I was watching harry potter 6 for the somethingth time and I recall something about the taste of butter beer in the books then all these random ideas on how to make a drink like it just rush into my head. SOOOO here's my recipe for a butter beer not that I've tried making it yet but it seems to be right in theory ^^;

Butter Beer

Serves 2

Ingredients:
3 shots of Bailey's Irish Cream
1 shot of Kahlua coffee liqueur
1 medium sized egg
A dollop of cream (preferably whipped cream)
3 teaspoons of white sugar
120-150mL of milk
Chocolate powder

Instructions:
Add milk and sugar into shaker, stir til mostly dissolved.
Fill shaker with ice, add egg, liqueurs and all other ingerdients. Top off with ice if required.
Shake for about a minute. This recipe has egg and cream in it so you'll have to shake for longer to get everything to mix properly.
Pour into two short glasses (a latte glass should be fine)
Dust off with chocolate powder.

Should be alright. It's a bit on the fatty side with the cream and egg so yea...anyways the egg should make it rich and viscous so don't add more than one egg unless you want it to be REALLY rich.

Yea....random idea, might as well put it somewhere before I forget what the hell I was on about hahahaha. Inspiration does come from anywhere =]

Roll Call

2010-04-29T15:00:00.000+10:00

I've learnt a lot of things over the past 4 years thanks to the people around me, some of those things have been completely useless but a majority of the things I've learnt from them have made me who I am today. The first place where I really learned something was at you guessed it...Maccas! No matter how much I complain about that place and how much I bag it out, I really did enjoy working there. Not because of working at maccas itself, I mean who wants to be covered in oil all day? I enjoyed working at maccas because that's where I kind of grew up, I learned to be less naive, gained confidence and more importantly I gained friends that gave me a part of themselves whether it was through lecturing, whacking me on the head or just hanging out. I don't mean to say that all the friends I gained worked at maccas but that was the catalyst for me escaping being an antisocial retard for the rest of my life....not that I'm any less of a retard mind you.

Some of my best friends were found in that period of time and the bonds between us only got stronger, I learned more from them and they learned how to put up with my inane comments and stupidity but somewhere down along the track...I lost contact with some of them due to various reasons but the worst loss of them all well if you know me, you should know who those two people are. I lost 2 of the most irreplaceable people in my life for something that could have been easily remedied but no...I'm one lazy sonuvabitch. I won't forget what I learned from them neither will I forget the good times and the bad because that's what friends are for right? Sticking together regardless of what happens but I suppose I can't meet their expectations. I'm not a child anymore....I still have some childlike tendencies but that's not the point, I have to be able to accept whatever comes and what has already happened and move on...but I can't. Not from this. Not from the loss of something so important and irreplaceable that I can't even really imagine life without them. Sure, I'm a cocky asshole when the occasion calls for it but that's when I'm distracted from my own thoughts, fuck I must sound emo right about now gah whatever, it's my life and my blog. Deal with it.

For all the comfort and sagely advice you've given me Garmon...Thank you, I doubt I could deal with what I'm going through right now without it.
For all the lectures, raging and setting me straight every single time. Thanks Chris, I wouldn't have any confidence or pretty much any backbone if it wasn't for you.

I'm sorry it ended the way it did, I'm sorry for what I put you guys through but sorry isn't enough so instead of whining and making excuses, I'd rather thank you guys for everything you've done. Thanks for not making me feel like an outcast, thanks for being there when I needed it, thanks for putting up with me, thanks for inviting me to everything, thanks for teaching me, thanks for getting angry at me, thanks for being blunt with me, thanks for telling me off but most of all. Thanks for being my friends. I miss you guys more than I can express in words. Fuck my life, can't I type this shit without tearing up? Fuck. Life isn't the same without you guys.

I sincerely hope that whatever you guys are doing, that you're doing well and happy.

The hunt continues

2010-04-21T12:57:00.000+10:00

It's been about what? Over half a month since I last blogged? So here I am again, sitting here being irritated by an assortment of issues, some of them random and some of them pretty damn serious....or so I like to believe. Well let's get on with it.

I'm still in debt and still looking for a STABLE job. I've been paying the debt off $50 a week and I can't really complain that much, it's not like I didn't do this to myself but in any case I don't really care about my debt any more, when it's gone, it's gone. More important is my search for a stable source of income which isn't going that well... I think. I've had more than 4 jobs this year and it's not something to be proud of, here's some shit I had to deal with so far:

Calling up for a shift - A major pain in the ass, seriously. Who the hell wants to call up and ask for a shift and then get a reply like "I'm sorry we don't have any shifts available at the moment" or not even getting paid for whatever work you did do. Pain the fucking ass indeed.

Not getting called back AFTER they tell you you've got the job - Right...I don't really need to say anything on this do I? I mean, I called them to remind them I exist and that I want to work...what do I get? "Send me your resume again, I'll call you back" Great....

There's more but FUCK! It irritates me just thinking about it. Continuing on...I've had more job interviews than I can really remember, most of which have people who shitloads more qualified than me...mainly because they're in their mid 20s and 30-40s. No point in trying to compete there hahahaha. Let's see...what else has gone wrong with my interviews? Oh yea, calling myself a job whore when I was asked what my friends would describe me as....damn you Sheryl! I've applied for way too many jobs this year, hell it's bound to have hit the 200 mark by now =/ It hit the 100 mark some time in February.

If you think about how many applications I've made you'd think I would've found a stable job by now ^^; Yea....you'd think that wouldn't you? Clearly you're wrong. In fact applying for all those jobs brings all sorts of consequences like having TWO INTERVIEWS SCHEDULED AT THE SAME TIME! Cancel one and go to the other...great...worst part is PICKING ONE. I know, I shouldn't be complaining, at least I can get an interview....but it's still a pain in the fucking ass.

If you don't know me then you don't know about my work experience so....don't think I'm some whingy gen Y'er that has no qualifications. Been working my ass off since the age of 15 and the longest period of time that I've been unemployed since then has been this shit period of time since January. I am bloody qualified and fuck it all if I don't have the right to be proud of it. I'm a hell of a barista, an inventive cocktail bartender, a sociable manager and most of all I AM....wait...fuck I don't know but I'll figure it out later.

Tomorrow is gonna be one busy day, I'm going to find me a new job....again. Let's see...call up star city and see if they're serious about employing me then pop by the local TAB and ask the manager if he'll take me on and maybe I'll head down to that cafe and see if they still have a position vacant. Hell, who knows what the future has in stall for me but all I know is I'm going to welcome whatever comes with everything that I am.

Shattered Pieces

2010-03-29T16:29:00.000+11:00

Just like how a glass shatters, my family has just done that...I think...my parents are at the very edge of divorce and I'm sure that will happen. Just like the shards of glass on the floor, picking up the pieces of this family will only cut you even more. No point in bitching about it, hell I don't know how I should be feeling but that's mainly because of the alcohol in my system...I think. I'm more curious than apprehensive about this whole divorce thing. I'm very certain that it will happen, I'm just surprised my parents have actually stuck together for so long =/

Well things aren't looking that great at the moment...I have a huge debt (over $2400) thanks to the overcharging practices of Optus....bastards....meh I'll just avoid purchasing any optus product in the future >=D On top of that....I still haven't got a call from my "employer" =.= Gah life is a pain =/

Damn...it has always been my job to clean up the mess in the house and I don't feel like cleaning up this one. Fuck it, it's not my job. I'm going to sit here and drink my TED (Toohey's Extra Dry for future references), relax and watch the events unfold. Too bad someone else has to pick up the pieces though.

Food for thought

2010-03-25T17:24:00.000+11:00

Well well, it's been a while since I last blogged. Lack of net, random assignments, random cbf moments....wait...random cbf? Che I cbf all the time what the fuck am I on about =/ Anyways, without any further ado let's get to the meaty part of my random thoughts. Yesterday I had a very interesting discussion with Iris on how a person's taste in food can be used to describe a person...and there's some random chinese saying that describes it. It's supposed to be something like if you can't eat bitter foods then you won't be able to deal with the bitter things in life. Interesting no?

Continuing on... I know people say shit like "You are what you eat" and I think that's kinda true. Kids being immature and only know the good things in life (generally speaking) prefer sweet things, as they grow up the kids will learn to enjoy salty things, endure bouts of sourness and eventually learn to taste the bitter sting of defeat without rejecting it completely. What I'm trying to say is...food is a universal language and a person's personal preference in one of the 4 categories of taste says a lot about them.

The four main categories of taste are: Sweet, Salty, Sour and Bitter. Supposedly there's a 5th taste called umami (savoury) but I'll skip that for now. Now for my thoughts =]

Sweet~ Ahhh sweetness, defined by a random article I read in a newspaper as the least refined taste in the world as well as metaphor for happiness. As the least complex and most popular taste, it really does define the people who enjoy sweetness the most. Children = Happy and uncomplicated. I could also say that people in distress (mainly girls) like to have something sweet that reminds them of better times or perhaps even bring them hope for the possibility of happiness in the future. Kind of reminds me of those pampered silly women way past their expiry date, I am of course referring to Pittypat from Gone with the Wind. Silly woman...Read the book it's a good read, thoroughly enjoyable. Oh idealists, fatties and people who choose to ignore anything that isn't good could be the other types of people who like sweet things a bit too much.

Salty~ Saltiness, slightly more refined than the taste of sweetness but still a relatively simple taste compared to bitter and sour. You could say if something tastes salty it's down to earth kind of like how people learn to accept reality (damn christians...continue eating your sweet bread and live in your delusional world -.-), in other words growing up or learning about new things I suppose. I really can't find an adequate explanation for this taste =/

Sour~ Blegh, gah, etc. The initial response to anything sour or even something surprising. A tolerance of sour foods like lemons could mean that a person can deal with things that don't go according to plan in life. But then again, it could reflect what a person is like....like err someone could have a bad disposition to everything acting "sour". Bad sportsmanship for example could be classified as being sour but that could mean that person has not tolerance for anything sour o___O

Bitter~ Apparently it's the taste of poison. It takes time to develop a taste for bitter things like coffee and alcohol making this taste more refined than the others in a way. A person who cannot endure the taste of bitterness can't deal with failure in life, figuratively speaking of course. To really appreciate something bitter, you have to be able to taste it and come out with a better understanding of it. Kind of like problems and failures in life, learning from your mistakes and thinking back on the experience to remind yourself about your lesson. Something like that? Maybe I'm over analysing...meh...continuing on....drinking coffee in the morning, a typically "adult" preference/habit could be a way of reinforcing the value of being able to deal with problems...but then there's the issue of adding sugar. The amount you add determines how much of the problem you can really deal with.

Savoury~ I know I said I'd skip this but....hell it's a good one ^^ Savoury foods...who doesn't enjoy them? I don't know of anyone that doesn't like savoury foods so I'll get to the point. Savouring experiences or prolonging a feeling or whatever you want to call it is what this taste is about. Everyone wants to have fun just that much longer, to enjoy that moment for a little more...it's a taste that no one can deny. People who enjoy too much savoury foods could be called indulgent and errr.....could possibly end up fat =P

Mix and match the tastes and you can see a bit of what a person is like. A guy who consumes a lot of bitter things but eats a sweet cake with it, say....coffee with no sugar could be someone who has had a rough time but dreams of better times. Salt and vinegar on chips! Now that's a combination to randomly go on about! Salty - realistic. Sour - surprise. Savoury - enjoyment. Errr....Living in the real world, likes something a bit out of the ordinary and enjoys life generally ^^; Hahahaha......I shouldn't into it too much, it isn't that accurate but I do honestly believe your preferences in the taste of your food reflect a bit of who you are and how you deal with life. You are what you eat after all =]

Restricted

2010-03-06T05:21:00.000+11:00

It's 4am in the morning and I'm still awake but it's not like I haven't done something constructive. In the past 3 hours I have applied for 3 jobs online and contemplated how society is going down the drain. Let me clear this up a bit, I don't mean society is completely shit but it looks like it's heading that way.

All of these new laws and restrictions that are poised to strike society are doing more harm than good despite the intentions. Remember, someone said (I can never remember the guy who said this =/): "The greatest harm can come from the best of intentions". This is by far one of the most accurate descriptions I can think of regarding those damned "anti-smacking" laws. These laws prevented parents from physically abusing their children in public BUT COME ON! Kids these days are running rampant, screaming at the top of their lungs, walking as if they have a right to every single little thing, swearing at their parents, swearing at strangers, swearing at fucking everyone! I know what some people are thinking right about now...the kids can't help how they behave, they're kids. Fuck off. Right now. Get the fuck away from this site. Never come back until you realise it's both society and the parent's fault (I would also like to blame christianity but that would offend too many people...wait too late already did).

When these restrictions on disciplining your children came into place, I'm sure it was largely supported but....did anyone really think of the children? Like really thought about how they would turn out not just how they were being treated. A punch is too far, a kick, obviously. Throwing? Ok....too far (no pun intended). But a slap to the face? Hell, I think that's a perfectly fine way to discipline a child, especially if the kid has been a complete wrecking machine or like a rabid dog. If your kid was screaming his/her head off just for the sake of a fucking chocolate bar and threw a tantrum just to get it. Fuck. You slap that kid's face. It will shut the damned brat up and teach em never to do it again. Just the threat of you doing again is a deterrent. Key word: AGAIN.

I swear...kids these days, they have no respect for anyone older than themselves, no discipline and absolutely no sense of responsibility for their own actions. Once again I point my finger at society. Sure, kids have a right to not be abused but the rest of us (the majority) have a right not to be abused by brats. The media went into a frenzy just because a mother slapped her child in a shopping center a few years back. At that time, I thought "good parent" but the fucking annoying and overwhelmingly loud minority of "think of the children" retarded mothers (I say mothers instead of parents....it's always the rich wife who's devoted to religion that sparks this kind of idiocy), scream out for blood. They believe that children can be taught to be civilised without the use of discipline. Well yea...your snot nosed brat has everything he/she wants, why wouldn't the "planned" accident be errr....."civilised" =.=

Continuing on...The hysteria over a single slap...it was enough to increase the amount of children running amok. What could the reasonable parents do? They couldn't even hit their child due to the fear that they too would be prosecuted for such a necessary act of minute violence to maintain order as well as educate. If I ever saw a parent discipline their child in public for a good reason (I can think of so damn many good reasons....), I swear...that parent should be given some kind of award for having the guts to stop curb their offspring. It's the duty of a parent to take care of their child and teaching the kid proper etiquette is a vital part of that. I'm no parent but as a young adult coming to terms with himself, I honestly believe that being disciplined as a child in both public and private was beneficial to me. I didn't just get slapped....I'm asian, my dad WAS beyond strict so....let your imagination run wild, no seriously, let it run really wild. Make sure to include the sound of a bamboo cane swinging through the air....good times =/

Anyways, from just this simple restriction, a huge proportion of the later part of my generation and the almost the entirety of generations thereafter are simply too free in their upbringing creating senselessly violent and self righteous people. This might just be a generalisation but hell, the argument of everything being done for the children has been overused and is completely abused by every loudmouthed religious control freak (fucking fanatics....go play god somewhere else, preferably in isolation). The argument, valid as it may be in many cases, is now being used by the bloody government as an excuse to implement an internet filter.

Sure...the filter sounds reasonable in theory to someone who doesn't realise wtf the filter really means. Blocking website that contain offensive material involving children doesn't sound bad, in fact it sounds pretty good.....but is it the right thing to do? Fuck. No. An internet filter is just another word for internet censorship. CENSORSHIP! Grrrr... Yes, an excuse to be able to edit any and all incoming and outgoing data that goes through the australian internet connection. Sure it MIGHT prevent kids from watching porn or w/e but that's never gonna stop an adolescent boy from watching porn. Duh. It's the parent's duty to monitor the activities of the child. IT'S THE PARENT'S DUTY TO ENSURE THAT THE KID DOESN'T GET ACCESS TO WHATEVER THE PARENT DEEMS INAPPROPRIATE! It's not the government's job, it never was, and it NEVER should be. If the internet is censored....opinions will disappear and information will be erased or blocked. Any negative views will be removed from public access....we'll become like china....fml. No freedom of information. Information is extremely valuable so having a lack of access to information will cause people to be more easily manipulated by both the government and the media. Wiki the TAMPA incident for an example.

In any case, I just really had to get this off my chest. Society is going to be fucked. Look at it. With each new restriction designed to prevent the decline of morals and integrity, the descent into chaos increases ten fold. If children are the future....then why are we fucking them up? These protections are simply causing our future to become bleak and chaotic. Not to mention COMPLETELY FUCKED UP!

I'd just like to say thank you to all the idiotic religious housewives with too much time on their hands for starting public outcries and giving a government an excuse to control every aspect of our lives. In case you didn't notice, this entire paragraph is drenched with sarcasm. Thanks again....now go rot by yourself, I don't wanna get dragged down along with you.

Last thing,
To all you parents who actually do know how to discipline your children, Bravo! YOu all deserve medals or some kind of award =] (This obviously doesn't include the idiots I mentioned before). So yea, keep up the good work and hopefully there are more of you out there!

Smokin' Shadows

2010-03-04T00:12:00.000+11:00

The thought just hit me when I was walking home from the station. As I looked at the ground, I noticed how the lights made a mass of shadows of myself appear and how they moved as I moved. Eventually when there was only one shadow left, I realised that shadows kind of represented how people are in reality. Allow me to elaborate (I love this word =D).

Imagine each light is a person, a stranger, a friend, an acquaintance or even a pet. Each light that shines on you creates a different shadow, each shadow being only a small part of the bigger darker shadow that forms under a a really bright light, the bright light being someone you really care for or vice versa or mutual. Anyways...what I'm trying to say is err...Everyone behaves differently towards different people, only revealing a single shadow to each light. With each additional light, you reveal another piece of yourself, another shadow or something like that. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore hahahah. Take what you want from it =]

Huh...you COULD say each shadow is a bond or burden too =/ I can't be bothered explaining more. In other news: I have decided to quit smoking simply because I want to be able to run again. Not being able to run just pisses me off for some reason...of all things that could have motivated me to quit, this one has got to be the least probable hahahhaa. Some of the other reasons I could've picked would be:

-Girls (most don't like smokers), I don't really care if they don't like it hahaha
-Cancer, I don't planning on living til my 80s, if I get cancer and it ain't treatable, fuck it I'll go out in some memorable manner and have some fun =D
-Health, running kind of counts but....meh I wouldn't really say that. I exercise frequently anyway =P

SO, here we are at the end of another one of my pointless and incoherent ramblings...what to say, what to say....well first off, I'm cutting down my intake of cigarettes by a huge amount. From the average of 25+ a day down to 8 today is a huge improvement and I'm sort of proud of myself....SORT OF... At any rate I'd just like to say something profound and thought provoking: Unfortunately, I have nothing...again =.=

Til next time random people randomly browsing through random blogs!

Distracted from apathy =]

2010-02-28T20:24:00.000+11:00

Ok, I'm good now. It's all good, the past is the past and whatever happened, happened and there's turning back. So whatever =] In other news, I've decided to play Gridiron xD The good ol american sport of strength, speed, skill and tactics. There's nothing like it in Australia....Rugby is meh....it's alright but it has nothing on Gridiron ahahaha. I plan on trying out for Wide Receiver or Corner Back! Both are catching positions but both require a fair bit of speed.

Anyways, I plan on going skydiving in July just to throw it all away or something deep and meaningful like that. Fun. SO I'd just like to say: I am perfectly fine albeit a little bit crazy ahahahaha. A 170-180cm asian kid playing gridiron....now that would be pretty crazy =P When I signed up for it, I found out that I was the only asian opting for full contact instead of playing "flag" hahahaa. Flag is like oztag in australia. There's no contact....well not really but yea, you were tags/flags on each side of you and you get "tackled" if one is removed. Per~ut~tee~ lame hahaha.

Hmmm....I know I'm probably gonna be a single dickhead for a very long time. And since I just got ummm....errr....need a not-so-harsh word for this...right...here it is: Declined! Yes, since I was declined recently (sounds a bit like a credit card doesn't it?), I don't think I'm prepared for another rush of emotions overriding every bit of my system. But I'm fine now. Exercising is one of the many ways I cope with things so no big deal.

Final words: SIS, CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU GO DOWN TO MELBOURNE AND DRAG HIS ASS BACK TO SYDNEY!! Wait...wait....STAY IN MELBOURNE!! SYDNEY SUCKS!!! STAY THERE!!!

I know I said final words but here are some more: Damn, need a STABLE JOB!

Faulty Electronics

2010-02-27T09:02:00.003+11:00

I can't sleep, something is still on my mind. Damn it. I'm so....stricken...this isn't right. There's a video playing and the stop button won't work. I feel as if my mind has become a broken dvd player, playing the same dvd over and over with no way of ejecting the disc. Why am I like this? I should be able to accept it and move on...but the fucking eject button won't work!

So many things I wanted to say yet I lacked the guts to do so. So many things I wanted to do but they will never come to pass. One step down one path means leaving the other behind but.....why do I see my own footprints?

I knew the answer. I asked for it even though I knew. I took that answer. That should have been final. But. Why? Why aren't I anywhere near shutting down these “feelings”? Why hasn't the dvd player been unplugged? Why? Why can't I just move the hell on already?

Was listening to:

You Give Me Something – James Morrison
All Your Reasons – Matchbox 20
If My Heart Was A House – Owl City
Unwell – Matchbox 20
How You Remind Me – Nickelback
Addicted – Ellegarden

Well, time to smash the dvd player against the wall and see if that'll eject the disc. Maybe it'll be enough to put me to sleep.

Distracted

2010-02-21T03:06:00.000+11:00

Whenever I take a shower or have a quiet smoke on my own, I tend to think about things....things like my future, what I've been doing lately, how satisfied I am with myself and all those other thoughts that make you melancholic. No one knows what the future will hold, so wondering about my own future is pointless but somewhat entertaining in its own way...you know what I mean? Like...planning too far ahead just for the sake of it, you know, making outrageous plans for the future that will probably never come true hahahaha....fuck.

But yea, it has come to my attention that I am without a doubt, too much of an optimist when it comes to my own future excluding any and all connections to girls....unless those plans include opening up a strip club but that ain't gonna happen...wait a sec....there's an idea...nah that would be kinda pathetic...ahahahaa. In any case, I tend to think on the positive side when I plan something, disregarding all the problems that might come my way then I get overexcited about whatever it is I might be planning. But hey, a guy has got to have some dreams right? Dream big or don't dream at all, risk all or don't risk anything, do or die and some other random things (think of them yourself, I'm way too lazy right now).

Rightio I'm still in a douschey mood so I'm gonna be a total retard, as per usual...nevertheless I am going to plow through my thoughts again. Right now, I am in no way satisfied with myself, I'm employed but the job doesn't seem to give me shifts (again....why....), I still have that debt floating over my head and I'm still pretty iffy about my body. Nothing I can do about the job except look for another one =/ I've been doing random exercises everyday just to see if it has any effect on me, here's a list of crap I do =P

- About 200-300 push ups each day (about 50-100 every 2 or so hours =/)

- 100-150 curls with shitty 5kg dumbbells (Sets of 50 =.=)

- 60-100 of those chest exercises, the one where you spread your arms with weights in em and bring your arms back to the centre, shit explanation but whatever =P

- 60-100 of the shitty triceps exercise, bend like a dousche and lift the weights backwards?

- 10-20 minutes of sit ups (usually for 3-5 minutes at a time...until my abdominal area is killing me ahahahha)

And there we go, my shitty everyday exercise thingo, I'm surprised I've kept with it and it kinda makes me feel better about myself....except for the fact I'm only using 5kg =.= Phails....

I'm inept, incompetent, a total failure or what have you BUT I'm working on it...let's exclude the competency with girls again, we all know I'm never going to improve on that ahahahaha.....errr....right...yea....back to me blabbering on about what the hell I'm trying to do. I've tried, I've failed, I've picked myself up and hurled myself against the wall again and again, took a break and started again but while doing that I haven't realised how futile it is. Maybe it's my imagination but I don't know when to give up, I'm still hitting that wall even though there's a nice even path right beside me.

I wonder what will last longer....the wall or me?

Fuck, I just realised this post has absolutely no coherent pattern or w/e, screw it, my posts never had any structure to begin with....well la~di~da~ I can't be bothered fixing it, back to doing random exercises to force out some endorphins.

Bored Again -sigh-

2010-02-19T20:52:00.001+11:00

I'm bored so here's something that I randomly drink when I want some vitamin C without phlegm building up in my throat from the sugar in plain old juice. Here we go!

Fill half a glass/cup with orange juice. Fill the other half with soda water. Squeeze some lime juice into the drink. Ta~da! Simple yet oddly refreshing ahahaha.

Random dessert =O

My epic Affogato>>

Ingredients: Premium Ice cream (Preferably White Chocolate or Vanilla but White Choc is better =P), Freshly brewed Expresso (Must have crema!), Frangelico.

1. Scoop a ball of ice cream into a coffee cup.

2. Using a coffee machine, brew expresso over the ice cream. Considering this is a dessert and not a drink, use no more than 45mL of expresso in other words, use no more than one and a half shots of expresso =]

3. Using a spoon coat the affogato with 30mL of Frangelico.

4.Serve in the cup on a plate with small dessert spoons.

This works for both winter and summer....wait....all year round ahahaha. Yea a bit rich so don't make it too often. Fullay goes well with a coffee or hot chocolate on the side. If serving with hot chocolate....go with vanilla ice cream, there's way too much sweetness if you have the white choc ice cream as well >.<

Fullay stuck at home....no work tonight Q___Q I still need money....gah....Please donate non existent money into my non existent fund to support me ^^;

Spiral into spaghetti

2010-02-18T23:48:00.000+11:00

I have a new random take on life...well another random theory/analogy for life's opportunities. Life's opportunities are like a spiral, when life begins, you start on the outermost ring. At this point, there are almost an infinite amount of possibilities waiting for you but as you grow older, you move towards the center of the spiral, slowly but surely reducing the amount of opportunities that come your way. Sure you might have more money, experience and w/e but you're weighed down by responsibilities that pretty much halt any and all advances into another area. By the time you're almost dead, you've almost reached the center of the spiral and have shit all opportunities. Random theory? Yes. Stupid? Maybe. Nothing better to do? ummm...errr...damn it.

Lost my line of thought and randomly remembered some random recipes taught to me by a 3-4 star italian chef =D Better write them down before I forget.

Authentic Bolognaise! (Or close to it!)

Serves 4 or 8 small portions

Steak - at least half a kilo. Get it from the butcher's, it's cheaper and you can get whatever piece you want minced on demand.

Onion - One brown onion, diced

Celery - About 2-3 stalks, same amount as a diced onion

Carrot - Same amount as diced onion

Olive oil

Salt & Pepper

Red wine - One glass (Personally I prefer Pinot Noir in cooking)

Tomatoes - A can of diced tomatoes will do nicely, sometimes its better than fresh tomatoes for some reason ahahaha

Spaghetti - 500g packet =P

1. Cook onions, celery and carrot in olive oil on medium-high until soft in a pot.

2. Throw in the minced steak, cook until brown.

3. Add a pinch of salt and pepper, add glass of wine immediately after, stir thoroughly. (the wine will spread the salt and pepper through the sauce evenly not to mention it will add some nice flavour =]). Errr...Boil? (or keep it on medium high) for about 5 minutes to remove alcohol.

4. Add the tomatoes. Stir through well. Allow the sauce to simmer for another 5 minutes.

5. Add Spaghetti (I'm assuming you cooked it while the sauce was being prepared). Stir, mix well etc whatever you wanna call it.

6. Serve, duh

Random spaghetti tip from the italian guy: For spaghetti el dente or proper spaghetti or something like that, cook spaghetti until it has a very thin line of flour left in the middle. Take a bite to check. The thing is, the pasta will cook once when you boil it, a second time in the sauce, and it will still be cooking when you place it on the table. By the time you eat it, it'll be damn near perfect hahahha or something like that. Please DON'T blame me for your mistakes =P

Anyways, I really can't be bothered writing down how to make good gravy. SOOOO here's a shortcut.

Buy chicken stock cubes. Make the stock. Boil down until it becomes consistent, like gravy-ish texture (you'll lose alotta water but gravy needs to be thick =P). Add the gravy powder thingo (something like gravox). Ta~da! Gravy!

Add green peppercorns at the end and cook for a while for peppercorn sauce.

Add button mushrooms at the end and cook for a while for mushroom sauce.

Add worcestershire sauce and cream at the end and cook for a while for diane sauce.

I can't be bothered writing down anymore details for this so yea...need something random to finish this post off....hmmm....errr...fuck....got nothing again. Screw it, I'm gonna watch Interview with the Vampire before I sleep so shut up and go back to your twilight films. If you actually considered that....you're on the wrong blog mate.

How to make a caprioska

2010-02-18T21:39:00.001+11:00

I don't really feel like blogging about myself at the moment so I'll just jot down some random cocktails and how I prepare them, if there's any errors feel free to correct me, don't worry I won't be offended, learning something new is always good ahahahaha. It's not as hard as it looks once you get the hang of it but then again so is everything else =]

Caprioska>>

Ingredients>

Vodka (45mL), Lime (quartered) or Lime Juice (about 10mL), Sugar (1 tsp - teaspoon) preferably NOT brown, Soda Water.

Instructions>

Muddle (Basically like crushing and twisting with something similar to a rolling pin =P) Vodka, Lime and Sugar in a cocktail shaker until sugar is dissolved.

Add Ice, Shake until shaker is chilled.

Strain into a glass half filled with ice.

Top off with soda water.

Garnish with a wedge of lime.

Serve with a straw.

For additional flavours, add soft fruit of your choice into the muddle to release flavours (strawberries, apricots, w/e). Garnish with a piece of that fruit to make it look more appealing =D

A very refreshing drink for summer, hell I downed a few of these over the past week. You can't really taste the alcohol as much as a cosmopolitan but this is supposed to be a fruity drink anyway. Oh and if you think it's too bitter/sour or not sweet enough just add an extra tsp of sugar to the muddle =P

Good luck and have fun with it!

mental prison break

2010-02-17T01:00:00.000+11:00

Alright, it's done, there's no turning back. There is no delete button, there is no back button, there is no time machine. I've kind of said something, well more like implied something over an effin text message. It was bound to happen eventually and with that I would like to say I don't regret it....yet.

It was impossibly hard to hold it back, well fuck it, it's done. Sis, you know what I'm talking about ^^;

Well time to welcome an epic phail once again!

Thought that just struck me: Shit...

Can you hear me?

2010-02-16T15:27:00.000+11:00

The one thing that's been bugging me for the last two weeks is how some people no matter how close they are to you, cannot understand your situation. I mean you can't understand something unless you've experienced it yourself firsthand. Lemme explain a bit more =/

You might be able to imagine or picture the circumstances but fuck you can't even begin to understand what it feels like, the emotions running through you, the thoughts, the fears, the survival instincts that kick in and whatever else. Yes, I can try and explain but....hell...you can't expect me to bare all, especially if it's something you're deeply ashamed of. I know I'm a fuck up, I know I can't be trusted by some people anymore and I know that they'll probably never talk to me again BUT how would you know how it feels? Do YOU have an extremely dysfunctional family? Do YOU have less privileges than ME? Do YOU have to earn YOUR OWN money? Did YOU pay for YOUR OWN things? If the answer is NO to more than one of the previous questions, the only thing you can do for me is advise. Ducky you're the only one I know who's been through this so you know what I mean =/

Hell I ain't taking anything for granted right now, I'm trying to fix my shit up (Debts among other things), sure I act all happy and carefree but seriously do YOU think you know ME? I've revealed a lot of things on this blog over the past year and yes it's more than what most people would divulge to random people browsing the web. This blog is just for my ranting and sometimes deepest thoughts but there are some things I can't put here but someday I think I will. That day may be today, tomorrow, next week or even 20 years from now, shit if I know.

The way I see it, if you can't see the situation from my point of view just ONCE...you've already given up on me. You've already left me behind by not trying to understand, it's essentially like shoving earplugs in your ears every time I try and explain myself. You just can't hear me. You say I don't listen but I do, it just takes a while to sink in but you.... you ignore my words completely.

These are just my thoughts after a week deprived of something essential...I may have become bitter (even more than before) but yea these are my honest down to earth thoughts/words. I know these words of mine will lead to a world of pain but hey I want a chance to show you what I think but then again you've covered your ears with your privileged life. I envy you.

V for Vindictive

2010-02-14T18:52:00.000+11:00

Well, well....what do we have here? Another over hyped and ultimately futile day dedicated to couples who may either cherish or loathe the memory of this day. Yup it's valentines day....again. All of us single dickheads such as myself are thinking one of two things.

1. NOOO I'm SINGLE ON VALENTINES DAY! I'M DOOMED! MY LIFE IS OVER! (or some melodramatic like that)

2. Pfft...valentines...who needs it? -crying on the inside-

Yea I know, you're probably thinking "What a load of BS" but it doesn't change the fact that most people feel the need to be with someone on this overrated day, no matter how much they deny it. For all I know you could be in your room crying the corner right now....somehow reading this ahahaha. But yea most if not all people feel the need for company, company that soothes you just because you're in their presence. I know my inner romantic is raging inside its prison cell but I've lost the key...need a new one....err maybe not.

Everywhere you go today, you'll see couples, valentines day decorations and worst of all...roses....fuck...roses....the single thing that symbolises this day is a rose given to your loved one. I can't even go to woolworths and buy a pack of cigarettes without being hit below the belt by the sight of roses. Every time I see roses on this day, it reminds me of how shit it is to have been single for all 19 years of my life. Some random guy said "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" I think its kinda right, I'd rather go with being loved or even having a gal somewhat interested in me. Then again...I'm so clueless about chicks that I wouldn't know if she was interested if it was printed in big ass letters floating above her head ahahaha, maybe if I wasn't so dense...nah probably not.

Where was I....right yea...Valentines is just a kick in the balls, there's all this pressure for couples to do something "special" for that special someone. There's also pressure for those of us without that "special" someone...Lucky bastards...Wait....lookie here, it just started to rain on them "lucky" couples ahahahaha.

Hmmm...I seem to have a bad case of schadenfreude but hey I'm single on valentines so shut up and give me a rose or twenty. Actually, nevermind. I'm not going to go out there and myself a girlfriend until I'm satisfied with myself. I mean you can't make someone else happy if you're not happy yourself, you'd just fuck it up. In the meantime, I'm going to have a pack of ciggies and laugh at the couples out in the rain cuz I'm vindictive like that....well just for valentines.

Back from the dead

2010-02-14T05:19:00.000+11:00

I'm back....sort of. Now that I'm employed again everything seems a little brighter. It's as if someone has pulled the curtains away from my eyes and shown me what it is to live again. Like I've said many times before: I live off pressure, that is pressure from working and shit like that. So yea...I am now employed at the Manhattan Lounge on Elizabeth St, Martin Place opposite Verandah Bar =D Look for the dark asian guy but don't expect any free drinks you free loading bastards =.=

Anyways, yea my life is looking up =] I got a cab back home from there for only $30 when it normally costs $45-55 ahahhaha then I checked my inbox....Guess what was there =P A successful application to one of my many many many...many....etc job applications online! Apparently I have an interview on monday =/ To go or not to go...hmmm...I do have a job now soooo do I go to the interview or not....Well let's see....I have to do my timetable on monday, tuesday I have to call my boss to arrange my shifts after my timetable is done soooo...I COULD go....FUCK so hard to decide! Somebody help me decide!!!

In any case (I gotta stop saying that....faaah) something tells me my life is looking up =] Soon enough I'll pay off my debts and move the hell outta this shithole I currently call home. Life isn't as bad as it was 20-something hours ago ahahaha....To the guys not talking to me at the moment: I'm working on my life, I'm getting there, I'm fixing my shit up...hopefully....no wait....definitely!

To summarise this whole bragging parade up, I'd just like to say something inspiring, something thought provoking, something you definitely won't find here. Yea....you're not gonna get that something, I really can't be fucked so yea life's a bitch and this one of them lemons so shut up, make some lemonade and when life least expects it....throw the lemonade in its spiteful face =D

Bottom of the food chain

2010-02-11T23:13:00.000+11:00

I am scum. Yes. Scum. No matter what people do for me, I can never do anything right for them in return. There is something wrong with me. No doubt about it.

I've been told I like to push things like...I'll keep doing something until it's almost unbearable. I used to think I knew when to stop but clearly I don't. It's just like that random article said; I have a high tolerance for risk because there's something wrong with my brain or at least the logical part of my brain. I don't feel as much fear or remorse as normal people do....it's unnatural. Sure, I try to fix things up but...I'm too easily sidetracked by things that don't matter as much as what I'm supposed to be doing. In the end, I just fuck things up =/

Although it may seem impossible to change who I am, I have to try otherwise it's just going to be a cycle of me fucking everything up. I've already lost irreplaceable things in my life, it's almost as if I have nothing left but I have to learn to stand on my own two feet. I can't rely on other people to lift me out of a ditch every time I walk off the road...I have to do it myself. Who knows how long it'll take but what else can I do?

The only thing keeping me walking is the thought of money. If I can't keep anything else in my life, I can at least devote myself to making myself a decent buck even if it means working in a dead end job. In any case, I'll just put on a happy facade for everyone to see. No one needs to know that I'm stuck in another hole...just walk on by there's nothing to see here.

My word is worth nothing

2010-02-05T01:09:00.001+11:00

I'm full of it. Full of shit. I can't even keep a promise to my best mates anymore. I don't even think I have the right to call them mates. Over reacting you say? Please...you don't know half of it. Allow me to ellaborate.

I am technically employed but the amount of money I get from my current occupation is practically nil. So let's go with jobless =/ Anyway...I have a debt that isn't going away anytime soon unless some place decides to hire me in the next week or so. I'm so desperate for cash right now that I'm considering going back to working at McDonald's....Yea.....You heard me right...Maccas...The one place I told myself I was finally free from, the stigma that finally washed away after a year of severing ties with the place that had me endure a few years of ridicule and many nicknames.

The money that I was supposed to spend on paying off my debts....was spent on paying the rent that my parents were supposed to pay for. Are my parents that financially fucked? Why am I the one paying for their mistakes? Why am I the one causing others to suffer because I can't shove my foolish pride away and work at a place I cannot bear to stand in. Why am I so irresponsible? Why do I feel no pain or remorse? Don't answer, none of these questions can really be answered by you....whoever the hell you are.

I wonder if I'll survive this situation with my head held high....or will I be crawling through the scum of society with nothing to support me? I've thought about this for a while....and the only solution I can find is to do the following.

1. Clear my current personal debts to other people by increasing my debt.

2. Find and secure a stable job.

3. Pay off all my other debts.

4. Move out as soon as the last payment is made.

5. Sever ties with my family.

6. Continue my education.

7. Save a significant amount of money.

8. Take some time off.

9. Face the consequences.

Well, it's time I started isn't it? Don't wish me luck, luck hates me and you do too.

Light me up

2010-01-31T19:21:00.001+11:00

My logic is shit. There I've said it. My friends have been telling me this for a while but yea...I'm finally admitting it. With the way I think and behave, it's surpising that I'm not on any type of drugs ahahahaha......no seriously I'm NOT on ANY substance =/

So yea, I can't explain things properly to people unless I use random analogies and examples, I randomly say things in conversations that have nothing to do with the topic, I misunderstand what people say, and sometimes....I don't even know what I'm saying myself. Preh random eh?

Now that I've admitted to myself (and to anyone who reads this) that I have a problem, I think I can work on it ahahaha. Looking through my mind is like looking through a kaleidoscope: Everything comes out in a weird and new way....wait...wait....that's a shit example....errr....yea I think I've got a better one! My mind is like a.....fuck lost it =/ Ahh whatever...let's just go with my mind is bloody impossible to comprehend o___O

Hmmm....I should be doing a recap over the last few weeks...but I really can't be bothered ahahaha, the past few weeks have been pretty good to me with all them random opportunities and experiences. Screw it, here's a quick run through (hopefully in chronological order) : Worked at Big Day Out, fullay best job I've done all year (also the first but errr...who gives a shit? =P). Got to listen to some pretty good music while trying to milk some tips out of some potentially drunk suckas....I mean some VERY sober and valuable customers -cough cough- yea....

Went to Kintoki's Australia Day BBQ, was a fullay good way to relax after some long ass hours at BDO. Damn....I wouldn't mind having that every year =] Continuing on...yea we prepared the BBQ practically one day before it happened ahahaha not bad considering the lack of time we put in =DDD Too bad I burnt the chicken on more than one occasion (I should know better by now....) In any case: Thanks for having me Garmon! Sorry about the chicken!!!

Anyways, I'd just like to finish this half assed blog with some errr...you know some...parting thoughts? Well, here we are: Life is like some random food....like.....uhhhh.....mashed potatoes! You take the lumps with the nice pureed stuff.....unless some fullay skilled chef prepared it.....FUCK! Killed my own parting thoughts ahahahaha....damn I suck at this =[

Attempt number 2! .....Actually scrap that....I can't think of a proper analogy =/ Screw this I'm looking for another job first....I need money Q_____Q

Is anyone home?

2010-01-18T00:09:00.000+11:00

Whee~! I've been feeling extremely giddy since I've woken up ^^; Weird I know but yea the only things I've felt all day are giddiness, slight irritation and for some strange reason....random bursts of joy at the most random things (congee and the prospect of a hellish running regime every morning courtesy of my "uncle", to name a few) o__O

If I wasn't male (and yes I've checked down there enough times thank you very much =P), I could've sworn I was a chick having mood swings....cept for the pms'ing part ahahahaha. So yea I think I might have hit that off switch in the emotional control center of my brain or maybe the power's been cut off cuz I haven't been able to feel the slightest amount of pain or regret in the past 12 hours or so even when I recall the worst memories of my life just to test it out. Unfortunately...nothing, nothing at all, just feeling happy for no apparent reason =/

I think I'm out of it or maybe I've finally thrown away the trash, emptied my closet, let go of past or some random bullshit like that =] In any case it's the first time in a VERY long time that I've felt light and free ahahahaha

But if I'm wrong (and I'm sure I am)...when the switch flips....I'm gonna be in a world of pain. For now, life is pleasant and I'm satisfied with that or at least I think I am^^;

Sinking feeling

2010-01-14T22:22:00.000+11:00

I think I'm fine now, after a long conversation with someone who's like a sister to me, I have returned to the world of the sane...well at least most of me has, the remaining part of me that is still lost in the dark world of insanity is shackled and sedated. Although I may still be a little off track....I think I've found my resolve again.

I have a hell of a week ahead of me....5 exams next week, 2 assignments due tomorrow, and 2 days worth of very long shifts at a very busy and chaotic music festival right after the exams. No rest for the wicked indeed =/

This was my very first mental breakdown....I'm not proud of it, in fact I hate myself for it.

I've got a few more goals in mind now...and I think that's the only thing keeping me going, preventing me from doing something irreversible, something stupid, something irresponsible, something really really impulsive, something that might scar me for life. Then again...that something could be the best thing I may ever do....but I don't have the the energy or the guts to take an unknown detour. I'm still scared of losing control...I need to be in control of my own actions and thoughts...time to pick up the reins and dig my spurs in.

They say it's not what you do that defines you but it's the company you keep that truly makes you who you are but who the fuck are "they"? And what the fuck do they know about me?

For some reason I think life is like a chaotic stream of emotions, thoughts and experiences, all determined by your own choices, a wrong turn could lead you crashing down a waterfall ending your adventure prematurely. Each of us is a drop of water, when one drop moves in different direction, others are sure to follow the path left behind (Just like watching rain drops on the window). Some of us will choose to ride the momentum into the waterfall, while others will gently wash down into the ocean, contributing in a small but significant way to another speck of life and in turn influencing all those around that life and others beyond it.

As for me, I plan on rushing down the rapids once more. Where I end up is anyone's guess....only time will tell.

Who am I?

2010-01-14T19:56:00.000+11:00

I don't know anymore! I DON'T KNOW!!! I CAN'T COPE WITH THIS!!!

I'm out of energy...whatever positive energy I had is now gone...I'm a shell of what I used to be....

Somebody....anybody....I....just can't continue....I need a break....a long one....but I won't get it for another two weeks....I'm sleep deprived....I'm emotional...I'm not ok....I am not me....Who is this shit person with no self confidence that's sitting here right now typing this? I don't know you and you don't know me....What the fuck am I saying?!?!? SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?!?!?!?

I can't....I just can't.....I need help but I can't accept it....just leave me here...I'll cope somehow....I hope

I don't understand...I really don't...

2010-01-13T13:03:00.000+11:00

Seriously....I can't comprehend what is going on at the moment, these thoughts swirling around my head are colliding with my other thoughts. I can't make heads or tails of the situation I'm in...I feel as if I'm too awake, if that makes any sense =/ In any case I don't know what to do with myself right now...

I think I've run into a crossroads of sorts and I can't decide which direction I'm going to go...At first I thought it was a straight track down to the finish line....but....when has life been easy? =.=

I'm much too aware of what I'm lacking, I need something or someone to ground me before my mind slips away into some shitty self made mental abyss....fuck this shit...I know too many of my flaws, I say what I'm thinking before I know it....but sometimes I don't know what to say at all, my mind is overrun by things of no consequence and it just makes my mind collapse on itself.

I'm filled with regrets and emotions but I've got a drive that won't let me give up just yet. It's as if I've got a war going on in my own mind...but it's formed a treaty of sorts. Like one side of me urges me to let go, give up, throw it away....but the other side is screaming for me to finish what I started....but it looks like a compromise has been made. I'll reach the finish line....but when I do, I might just give up on everything or I might find another goal....yea...who knows what I'm going to do =/

I wish I wasn't self aware....there are things that you should never be aware ...some things about others I never wanted to know....some things about myself I didn't want to be aware of....these feelings and facts are ripping me apart inside...I don't think I can last holding them in....some one has got to know....I've got to tell some one but not here, not now....I'm far too awake, just knock me out and let me go back to sleep.

Don't force me to be the way you are

2010-01-06T17:28:00.002+11:00

I have never been more sure of anything in my life. I AM going to finish my plan! I WILL succeed! I don't care what you think! I don't care if you think I'm going to fail! Even if I fall down, I'll pick myself up and go charging back into the fray with reckless abandon until I get there! I might emerge there bloodied, exhausted and completely fucked up but I will finish what I started!

I know what you're thinking..."WTF!?!? What the fuck is this guy talking about!??!" Well...I'm talking about me making my own way into the event management business/industry. I know it's hard work, I know it's hard to succeed, I know I'm a fucked up guy with shitloads of problems, I know a lot of you think I'm going to give up or fail miserably! YOU KNOW WHAT? LICK ME SIDEWAYS!

I'm over a grand in debt, mentally exhausted and being pressured from a lot of shit but you know....I've never been happier with myself. I've got my goal in sight and I'm willing to do everything I can to achieve it. I'm working as hard as I can and so far, I can't say I've regretted anything this year yet. I love you 2010!!!

Just like all the positions I've played over the years in various sports, I'm going to risk life and limb to keep the game in play. As a goal keeper, I'm not going to let you score a point against my goal. As a catcher, I'm going to plan the game and make sure all my obstacles are struck out. But most importantly...I've got the drive to play!

"They echo deep inside me, there's no need to understand me" - My Favourite Song, Ellegarden

What's in it for me?

2009-12-27T23:47:00.000+11:00

Opportunities have come and gone, wishes have been both fulfilled and forgotten, dreams have been shattered and reforged but it's time to make new opportunities, new wishes and carve out a new path for my dreams. This year has been kind of shit in general....but this month has been the worst month I have EVER experienced and I'm glad that both this year and month are going to be over soon. And NO I'm not exaggerating....wanna know why? If your answer was NO then too bad I'm telling you anyway! Leave if you don't wanna know but hear me out a bit...

First of all my family has been through something akin to hell. I was hospitalised because they thought I had cancer...relatives concerned as hell even though I didn't have it...a false alarm of sorts...BUT then my cousin was diagnosed with bowel cancer fuck....he looked so damn weak after the surgery....again with the concern and stress for everyone involved...Don't worry he's fine now but still...shit times

A few months after that my grandma was hospitalised after breaking her hip. I know, I know no big deal she's old, I can honestly say I'm not that worried...but seeing someone lose their mind is more painful than anything I take...even if that person isn't someone I'm particularly close to. Dementia is fucked. There's no other way of putting it. If I develop something that fucks up my mind or makes me lose my precious memories of all things good and bad....something like Alzheimer's SOMEBODY SHOOT ME!!! No seriously, shoot me in the head to put me out of my misery. I'm not taking it lying down being pitied and coddled. So anyways...during this period of time which was only a few weeks ago...my mum's dad died. Again not too close to him nor did I really care about him that much. BUT FUCK!!! My mum's breakdown right after hearing the news was more than I could bear...it's only been a few days since we got the news...so she's gone completely mental. Crying for her dad...screaming abuse at both me and my dad....blaming us for his death....falling back on a shit belief system that manipulates its believers through fear....aka christianity. Go die religion, you have no place in the world! So where was I? Right...not only has my mum's pappy dropped dead as well as my dad's mum lost the plot....my favourite uncle has developed cancer as well....shit times when everyone around you resorts to abusing each other to escape from their depression.

While I'm still raving on about escape I might as well tell you how my xmas went =/

Screaming anguish bursts into my ears demolishing whatever calm state of mind I was in...The sound of ceramic shattering across the kitchen followed by the roar of an enraged beast tormented by the abuse spewing forth from one who is in a mentally unstable condition...The sounds come closer...The cry for "help".... alright fuck the story I can;t be fucked writing it creatively. Short summary, mum's gone bonkers, blames dad, screams more abuse at dad, dad tries to stay calm, dad can't take it anymore...throws cup, rages, both argue, mum comes towards my room screaming for help after provoking my dad...I can't pretend to sleep anymore...I get in between the two swearing my ass off at my brother who did nothing but back up my mum...I end up holding back my dad and alternate between telling him to calm down and tell my my mum to shut up. Dad leaves the house to who knows where, mum shuts up and my brother goes to work at maccas...I get dressed and leave to walk in the rain to some unknown destination. Before I know it, I'm at st george leagues club =.= An hour later I get a call from Victor (Xiong) to come over after he's done with work. My xmas is somewhat salvaged by both him and Frank Miao...it's nice to know that there's always a ray of hope in a raging storm.

Ahhh fuck it...screw the bitching....time for a change! Time for new hopes and aspirations! Time to get the fuck outta this hole and away from its fucked up denizens!

Hey....I could fullay make a news years resolution list right about now...I mean why the hell not? I want out and a fresh beginning so...Let's get started NOW!!!

Move out
Get a job that earns me $20,000-$35,000 per year
Keep said job
Learn to save at least $5000
Buy a coffee machine and blender
Learn how to make Japanese Cuisine
Learn how to make Butter Chicken and possibly other indian curry
Earn a decent reputation for something
Attempt the Menya Godzilla Ramen Challenge =D
Get my Learner's License
Learn how to play drums
Become more understanding
Become more organised
Exercise more
Finish my costume
Cosplay at an anime convention
Sell a costume
Learn how to dance
Go to Japan
Work in Japan for a short amount of time

And that's all I can think of at the moment ^^

Anyways, I'd like to thank all my friends, associates and workmates who've provided me with support, kindness and most importantly their presence/existence. I've met a huge variety of people this year...and I think I'll stay in contact with a majority of those people. So what I'd like to say is...Thanks for being there and being who you are! <3 you all! <3s all round! (cept for my family....they can go <3-less)

Let's look forward to a new year filled with new beginning s and plenty of opportunities for us all to grow and succeed!!! 2010! Let's start again!

Jingle Bell Blues

2009-12-23T21:06:00.000+11:00

The giving and receiving of wrapped goods, the festivities, the holiday cheer, the mythical figures, the sky rocketing retail prices disguised as discounts, the boxing day sales, the time spent with family usually resulting in an ugly argument and the obscene amount of commercialism everywhere. Yes, it's almost Christmas...time for the jolly fat man in red to struggle down that chimney of yours....that is if you even have one =/

Christmas....ahh the memories of being an asian kid who never recieved the extravagant presents that all the white kids got...the memories of my parents bickering over the smallest things...in other words shit times =.=

So yea, Christmas has never been a big or even pleasant thing for me. Every year I pretend to be happy to everyone, greeting nearly everyone I know with a cheerful "Merry Christmas!" which is a good way to avoid spreading my nihilistic feeling to the overwhelmingly cheerful people that I happen to know =/ Then again...It's a great way to milk tips out of an unsuspecting customer/patron at w/e venue/establishment I'm at!

To be honest, I think I'm getting too good at masking my emotions at times...to the point where I don't know how I'm actually feeling sometimes. Maybe I should take up acting...ahhh fuck it acting will get me nowhere....or will it? Well....in any case I've neglected this semi-finished post for about a week now so I should finish it ^^;

I've noticed a pattern when it comes to the ol' family arguments. My mum will bring up shit that has no relevance to the argument whatsoever but that shit she brings up is something both me and my dad believe should stay flushed down. Shit like my hsc results....WTF HAS THAT GOT TO DO WITH ME LOOKING FOR A JOB!?!? I know they were shit but....come on it's been at least a year since that shit went down. My dad's gambling problems have nothing to do with my grandma being hospital so....once again wtf...my mum is like a regurgitating toilet throwing back up shit and piss all over us when we try to flush our problems away. I think we've all had enough of the toilet analogies for one day so yea back to the point.

Whenever there's an argument everyone gets involved and everyone has their part. Here are the re occurring roles that we play in this fiasco of a drama.

Mum as the Gullible Tormentor: She's the typical bitch in a way. Will insert comments and bring up issues from the past repetitively during an argument. Zealot of the abominable religion known as Australian Chinese Radio which is a conservative chinese christian radio channel that likes to badmouth everything that does not conform to their beliefs. She'll also pretend to be the victim when she starts to lose ground. May plead for insanity when brought to court.
Dad as the Aged Beserker: Logical and calm until something hits a spot where it shouldn't. With many years of experience in many things (some which should not be revealed), he is patient until someone manages to break through the calm and bring on the inevitable throwing of objects in his raging state. May also plead for insanity when brought to court.
Myself as the Weary Pacifier: He usually observes the conflict until it looks as if the Beserker has reached his limit. The Pacifier will also attempt to stem the abuse spewed forth by the Tormentor resulting in the Pacifier to receive a barrage of abuse as well. Uses himself as a physical meat shield to prevent any physical harm to others. Will plea for insanity if brought to court.
My Younger Brother as the Tormentor's Minion: Loyal to the Tormentor, he is always there to back her up in almost every conflict. Fat and cowardly, he will retreat if the Pacifier shows signs of anger. The Minion will never try to stem the flow abuse that the Tormentor brings forth instead he will try to aggravate both the Beserker and Pacifier using similar insults and comments as the Tormentor herself. Most sane yet most conniving of the family.

In a few words....My family is pretty fucked up =/ Kinda impossible to enjoy the holiday cheer that's everywhere but your own home.

So here I am, 2 days before Xmas finishing up a blog while family members all around the world seem to be getting hospitalised. The family members in question are: My grandma (dad's side), Uncle (dad's side), Granddad (mum's side) and my cousing was for a short period of time...So yea my family has had a shit run of luck this year fml...

Fuck this I'm jumping ship when the opportunity presents itself.... And guess what? An opportunity has presented itself! I'll tell you about that some other time but for now...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! HOPE YOU HAVE A BETTER ONE THAN ME!!!

Employed again!

2009-12-13T03:30:00.000+11:00

Damn...These past two weeks have been like an emotional roller coaster...Was fullay depressed about not having a job after I quit it. Don't get me wrong....I couldn't have stayed at red's for much longer, I was happy that I left an unstable and shifty job but I've been almost constantly employed for the last 4 years of my life and the feeling of unemployment was both irritating and errr.....empty? Iono...I just feel that I need a job to fulfill some sort of subconscious requirement or maybe I'm just used to having shit all free time then again....I think I like having shit all free time to myself =/ I mean...I think that I live off the pressure of not having enough time to do shit otherwise I fall to pieces....does that even make sense???

Ah whatever...so yea, I've got a new job at a hospitality recruitment agency, not as a recruiter but as was one of the recruited. The basic gist of my new job is as follows:

I call up for a shift/job
The agency offers me a job, I can accept or reject the job =D
If I accept said job, the agency tells me the time, location, what to wear and what to bring along.
That's it!

Sound good? Well...IT IS!!! Too bad about the strict policies....no smoking (no such thing as a 5 minute smoke break >.<), no chewing of gum, must have short tidy hair, any misbehavior results in being fired like immediately ....shit like that =/

Anyways, I had my first shift on the 11th at The Rocks. Preh good gig...here's a brief overview of my night =P

Arrived there at around 5pm for my check-in with the agency
Waited around UNPAID for an hour!!! Time spent between check-ins and official start time don't get paid....ghey...spent the time socialising with my new workmates most of them recently employed like myself lol. Had a lil bit of fun teaching this cute brunette how to tie a tie ahahahahaha fun =]
Sooooo at around 6 we all got assigned our positions for the night. Got assigned as a food attendant for an extremely small area like...really small...just the entrance area but I suppose that area is the busiest in terms of providing food to the patrons =/
Waited around for another hour for the all you can eat and drink party...this time PAID for waiting around!
At around 7pm, started bringing out food for the patrons....DAMN THAT FOOD LOOKED AND SMELLED GOOD!!! LUCKY BASTARDS!!!
Walked around with platters on my arm offering food to all those lucky bastards ^^;
Started random conversations with aforementioned lucky bastards, most of which were friendly...even a lil flirtatious ;)
At around 10, everyone was pretty much serving wine, topping up glasses or doing glassy work.
Errr...at 10:30(???) desserts were brought out. Tiny ass gelato or someshit on an equally tiny cone. The plate had some errr....liquid that was reacting with dry ice creating the "steam" making the dish look v.v.very sexy and appetising especially to them gals =P
Spent the last 10 or so minutes of my shift hanging around the dance area looking for glasses....and errr some....harmless fun that involved some fine brunette to accidentally spill some wine on me and lick it off ^^;
At 11pm we all signed out for the night. First thing a majority of us did as soon as we took a step out of the venue was.....LIGHT THE FUCK UP!!! No nicotine for 5 hours is a pain in the ass!!!

So yea...you could say I had some fun during my first shift for the agency =D A lil bit of harmless flirting never hurt anyone....right...? RIGHT!??!?! -cough- Err....where was I? Yea...the brunette, she was cute =] Bit short...slim, nice errr....derriere. Umm...probably offending some random chick that might just be reading this so yea....gonna stop with the description >.>

I think I'm getting too cocky when I work.... Must have caught it back in my previous job =/ Meh, still...gotta love being able to grab someone's attention after a few quick words, too bad I don't know what to do next ahahahahahaha...ha....ha....fuck I'm screwed ^^;

It looks like I'll have plenty of opportunities to learn though....so I think I'll pick up whatever I need to know from this job....It sure has potential =D

You. Me. Let's....! Ah forget about it...

2009-12-02T02:22:00.000+11:00

I've never been good with girls...well...that's not really entirely true but for the sake of this blog, let's just go with that =/

Let me lay down the facts right in front you so you don't get lost later on...

- I have been single for all of my life...all 18(almost 19) years of it

- I have been rejected enough times that I know when a girl isn't interested just by her tone of the first word she says in response to me asking her out.

Let's get on with it shall we?

Whenever there's some girl I find to be interesting/attractive I just shrug it off these days....maybe it's because I've realised one too many things....or maybe it's because I fear rejection because the pain of it still scars me emotionally. But I've learned quite a few things as a result of these heart breaking rejections. One of them is that persistence NEVER EVER pays off, no matter what girls say. Lingering feelings for someone who rejected you should be thrown in the trash as soon as you realise they're there. It's kinda like....saving that sandwich that gave you indigestion the first time around...when you come back to it, it's still gonna give you indigestion the second time around no matter how much you blame it on the drink you had with it last time, in fact it's gonna fuck your stomach up even more this time cuz it's been rotting since the day you first attempted to eat it. Girls I know tend to say "You still have feelings for ******? Awww....Isn't that sweet?" To answer the second half of the question....No, it's fucking bitter like that rotting sandwich I mentioned earlier.

That brings me to my second point...I will never trust advice on getting a girl from another girl and I will never ever accept the "Don't worry, you'll find someone" bullshit that comes from a smug couple who thinks they know everything about you. You know who you are....

Moving along...50% of girls I've been attracted to have been "snagged" already and the other half have been worst liars I've yet to meet. For the girls who already have a boyfriend ATTACH A SIGN THAT SAYS ATTACHED OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT!!! WE'RE (I believe I speak for alotta guys here =]) SICK OF FINDING OUT YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND AFTER WE GO THROUGH THE DAUNTING TASK OF ASKING YOU OUT!!! -cough- So where was I? Oh, right the second half of the equation...I know you don't want to hurt my feelings when you say some bullshit like "I don't wanna lose you as a friend..." or "I'm not ready for this..." but for fuck's sake....can I have an honest answer for once? Is it too much to ask? Am I too unattractive for you? Am I too much of a dickhead? A simple dead honest answer will incapacitate me for a while....but at least I'll know what the fuck is wrong with me and not leave me with those unanswered questions that lead to more insecurities...I'm not trying to be mean or anything when I say this but you're worse than those bitchy girls to me, at least a bitch tells it as it is. Kinda sad when you think about it =.=

So anyways...I've given up on finding a girlfriend, I realise that won't find someone who I'm interested in who somehow happens to also be interested in me. It's not as if I've turned gay or anything like that (but life would be so much easier if I were -.-)...it's just that I've become too tired of chasing after someone who won't reciprocate my genuine feelings. Fuck the chase...I can't be fucked to do the work...for once in my life I want to be the one chased but even if that happens....I doubt I'll care, I'm beyond caring about something I've never had or unlikely to have.

Some day, I might just settle for some one who I have no interest in simply because she was who was available at the time...I'll put my all into the relationship but... my heart won't be in it (corny/cheesy w/e you wanna call it...I know), that's for sure and I'm pretty damn certain she'll realise that....Soooo...I'm just settling for a life as a single dickhead living one step at a time.

If you're even remotely interested in me, let's see if you can match my pace.

familiar woes

2009-12-01T15:13:00.000+11:00

Considering how much I say I'm being oppressed by my parents/family I don't think I've ever expanded on it here on this blog =/

So I might as well do it now while I'm on the train to class ==;

Where to begin.....where to begin....Ahh...I think that's a good place to start....Here it is:

My parents are simply chinese parents who expect me to perform well above their expectation and well above any other kid....just like every asian parent out there but there's one vital difference! For huge chunk of my life, we unlike most other asian families have been mostly financially unstable....In other words, not that well off. Things have kinda stabilised now but....for how long?

These financial problems all began when we opened a suit shop in a out-of-the-way street which lacked any business whatsoever....That was also where we as a family lived for a period of 5-7 years....my memories of that place have been somewhat blurred since I've been suppressing some of my own memories but I digress... Anyways, at that point in time we had slightly higher than average income, yumcha lunches on every weekend, dinners at the chinese restaurant nearly every night. Driving around a BMW sedan and generally splurging out on anyone but the kids strangely enough. Yup....we were pretty well off....At the beginning that is...

And this is where my dad's gambling got out of control.....I don't know the details that well as I was only in my single digits...All I remember is waiting for my parents to come home at very late times because well....I was a scared little boy with nothing to interact with but my fat younger brother who slept like a log and my beloved teddy bear which I clutched to my chest at almost every opportunity (I think I still do occasionally....) but yea....Now that I look back on it, I realise what they were doing late at night....why we always went to the local RSL for dinner on wednesdays and why we left our humble abode....all because of my parents' gambling addiction...if I think about it....it was actually both of them no matter how much my mum likes to blame my dad....

So anyways....there began the age of constant quarrels and everylittle thing was judged by the other parent and as a child I obviously understood next to nothing =/ But now....it's just a pain in the ass to remember....no tears but a lot of pent up rage at my parents' stupidity.

So eventually we moved to place where I currently reside, it's a nice place, I've learned all the back streets and have an adequate experience residing here for the past 10 or so years....but we had those bills and debts to pay off...It was a depressing period of time for me....the only time I ever got a toy or game or whatever the fuck I got....was when my dad hit it big on those damned gambling machines....I may seem hypocritical in saying this, but I set my limits when I go gambling so shut up about me!

So where was I? Oh right...my parents and their gambling.....I can't be bothered expanding on that, you get the picture already... So on to other things!!

My parents are constantly berating me for sleeping in on days I really can't be bothered going to class or whatever....I don't mind this but it gets a bit much when your mum brings up random things that have no relevance to me sleeping in. My mum....poor gullible fool...she'll believe anything she hears on her trusted chinese radio station....fuck....Everything she hears from tehre she'll believe. I remember when she said I was on drugs and kept screaming at me for "lying" back when I was 16 years old, now she says I'll get brain cancer from listening to my headphones among other bizarre and unexpected things. How I hate that radio station....if it weren't for society and its rules I would totally destroy that place....along with every chinese capable radio in australia.

So yea....I've lost my line of thought since I put my laptop in my bag....If you haven't guessed by now, I'm actually blogging in class =]

One thing I firmly believe in, I don't think you need a tertiary degree to succeed in business or in life. There are many people who succeed just fine on their own will and determination to succeed, all those guys with ideas who somehow implement them and get epicly rich kill off this idea that you need good grades to make your money etc. So I hate it when my parents keep telling me to study study STUDY!!! I know I need some education, like the essentials for something I wanna do. In my case it's accounting and some management skills but that's about it. I know how important the skills and knowledge are cuz I don't wanna be fucked over by some dickhead accountant so yea, education is necessary but it's not completely vital to succeed. You don't need to be the top of the class to kick the top no-lifer's ass so fuck it. I'll study when I need to and how I want to!!! Fuck my parent's expectations I don't care. I just wanna open up my own event management company as well as my own bar/restaurant so I DON'T NEED TO COME FIRST IN EVERY FUCKING SUBJECT!!! I AIN'T CUT OUT FOR STUDYING!!!!

Nuf said =]

Falling away from me

2009-11-30T17:02:00.000+11:00

It has just occurred to me why I still have my teddy bear and why it's still in my bed after all these years. It took a message from my dear friend Garmon on msn to make me realise that I do indeed have a suppressed childhood and I can only let it out in the company of my friends, particularly my closer friends.

On Monday (Last week), Garmon was going to tell me off for making a chopstick boomerang but he stopped upon realising the one thing I didn't realise myself...That I can only really be free amongst friends away from my overbearing family. I suppose my teddy bear is a symbol of my child like behaviour that was lacking in my somewhat oppressed childhood. No matter how hard I try to throw my dear teddy bear away I can't...I just can't bear to throw it away... After 18 years of possessing this object of affection (I got it when I was about a year old), I still haven't named it....This might just be another sign that I can't really find what I'm lacking in the past and present -sigh-

When Garmon told me this....I literally burst into tears over a bunch of letters on a small screen...Those few words meant so much to me... Just thinking about it makes me tear up... Fuck...I'm doing that right now....Please bear with me for a second while I light up a cigarette and hold back the tears. Anyways... He's made me realise that I am an incomplete person but more importantly he made me realise that my friends understand me more than I do myself... Garmon, if you read this....Fucking love you man! (But not in the homo way)

Another thing I realised recently...Cigarettes may just be another way for me to somehow justify my existence as an adult juxtaposed against my unnamed teddy bear. Maybe I'm over analysing everything but I think the way people do things is a reflection of their thoughts and disposition. My room is a MESS! It's my cluttered thoughts spread out with one vestige of order right in the corner where all my books, shot glasses, brandy glasses and my cocktail shaker are taking residence on a shelf. It's like a representation of my awareness of my current state of mind....sift through the clutter and strange objects and you'll find the real me. Or something like that...

On another note... I've just realised today at the group interview at the Ivy, that I have had much more work experience than a majority of people around my age...I just assumed everyone would have had some sort of job experience....at least a year's worth? But I was sadly mistaken...One guy only had 8 months experience, another only 6 months at maccas and the list seems to go on... There were probably only about 3 out of the 10 or so people who could put up some competition to my apparently immense amount of work experience. I might as well list my qualifications right now =]

Starting from the Most recent jobs I've stayed at for more than a month, drum roll please!

Red Martin's Hotel/Bar/Club/whatever you wanna call it~
Commenced in June 2009
Position: Bartender/Glassy/Barback/Gaming Attendant
Responsibilities: Restocking of fridges, stock taking, stock rotation, cashier, bartending, glassy, waiter, cleaning, cocktails, shots, pokie reads and payouts, expense sheets, slight managerial role....not much but still somewhat in charge when the big boys are out to play =]

So yea... Working in this bar has taught me so many things and I've experienced so much shit there in such a short amount of time it's pretty surprising when I really think about it =/

Let's see.... I learned how to pour the "perfect" beer. Taught myself how to layer shots through observation and practice. Was advised by the senior bartenders/managers on what alcohol should be mixed with what. Learnt how to plan and prepare for a house party, including costs and what drinks should be prepared in advance as well as the cups and shit needed for a party.

I also witnessed my first ever live lesbian strip show....I think there was a change at that moment, I realised that most girls will glam up, show affection but never give what you want to you even if you beg for it. I'm not talking about strippers or anything like that but they are a good representation of women as a whole (not as people who strip off and please men for money....but symbolically). What I'm saying is: A girl may be attractive, flirtatious and even seem to like you BUT they will never ever be completely honest with you hence the stripper's stage name. I have never been in a relationship with a girl (bf/gf duh...),so can't really say much...BUT I HAVE HAD A WEALTH OF REJECTIONS!!! HI5! So I've heard many many MANY different types of responses but the one thing in common is that not one of the girls was honest to me about it. A simple "No I'm not interested because [insert honest reason]" instead of "I don't want to lose your friendship" kind of bull shit answer that makes things awkward would be so much fucking better!!!!

I might have said this before but I'm a blunt guy when I'm serious. No running around in circles, no leading you by the nose to who the fuck knows where and no dilly-dallying!!!

Fuck...I've lost my line of thought and gone a rant...so yea back to my work experience....

San Churro Chocolate Cafe~
Commenced: January/February 2009
Position: Barista
Responsibilities: Let's see....chocolate, chocolate, chocolate....and the occasional cappuccino with was loaded with chocolate flakes... Shakes, preparation of deserts among other things. Can't really complain about thsi job....Met some nice people but I don't think that I could've stayed there for long cuz I ain't like those guys. They're nice but....we're almost like oil and water, together...but not mixing =/

And my first ever PAYING JOB was.....You guessed it! MACCAS =O

Plaza McDonald's 600 George St, Town Hall
Commenced: March 2006
Position: Crew Trainer
Responsibilites: Fuck....So many memories....So much that has influenced me into the guy I am today....I was a crew trainer without a payrise, A guy who was expected to be able to do EVERYTHING which I actually could at maccas surprisingly enough. Before I left I was supposed to be promoted to a manager...I did run a few shifts BUT I left before the promotion.

I don't hate maccas but I try not to eat there as I know how most maccas employees are...so look carefully at your burgers....see that blackish stain? It's been dropped on the floor....Is it past midnight? We're rushing everything without all the ingredients. Simply forget the pickles, onions, mustard and w/e small shit that you won't notice and just do ketchup, cheese, meat and bun for your cheeseburger =P

A quick summary of my skills/qualifications

I have my Responsible Service of Alcohol Certificate
I have my Responsible Conduct of Gambling Certificate
Completed a Barista training course at the Coffee School in glebe
Have a vast knowledge of shots and some knwoledge of cocktails
Have planned quite a few events....fuck it's alotta work for one guy to do =/
Can manage people and resources from training and experience
Very good at milking tips from customers =]

I've always been a skeptical guy...but today's Mx horoscope fullay got to me...here it is:

Sagittarus
November 23 - December 21

Slow down Sagittarius! You're all fired up with plans, projects and possibilities but do you really know where you're heading? Use the Moon in Taurus energy to plan, prioritise - and be patient.

So yea, I've been planning shit like crazy got too many things on my mind, a few examples would be my friend's friend's 18th birthday house party....total cost of alcohol and utensils etc would be around $2000 =/ But if I charge $20 per person...It should cover it....plus some for me =P

Planning on getting a second job so I can move out! My family has been overbearing and it's not we're completely financially stable so...I'd rather just move on forget whatever has happened at "home"...

To be completely honest, I think my younger brother is gay. No I'm not being a jerk...It's just that he talks and walks like a fat chick and I've caught him watching gay porn at least 3 times....man wtfbbq?!?!?! Oh yea all the girls at his workplace treat him like a sister instead of like a brother =/

Anways....I think I've said enough for one day....I leave you with a photo of my teddy bear

WTF I HAVE A BLOG!??!?!

2009-11-30T03:07:00.001+11:00

Wow....I knew I had a blog but I fullay forgot the password since my last post over a year ago =O

Summary of time spent away from blog (In no specific order):

Quit my previous job at George St McDonald's.
Turned 18 xDDD
Got a job at San Churo Chocolate Cafe and stayed there for about 6 months....fullay learned how to make a kick ass hot chocolate =]
Got my RSA and RCG
Got addicted to anime but somehow avoided being a 100% otaku
Got my FIRST BAR JOB....man that was one of my highlights of this year, the bar has provided me with so much yet....the owner is fucktard but the general manager is the best guy I've ever worked for =]
Met many cool people and some douschebags to balance it out....found out how untrustworthy some people are.....grrrr.....
Stayed in contact with my best mates and made a few mates that I treasure just as much as my oldest mates
Got a house party of 30+ drunk in under half an hour =P
Saw my first strip show at work....FOR FREE hahahahaha
Failed my hsc miserably!!!
Started attending UTS: Insearch
Still a heavy smoker
Still single after 18 years (almost 19 Q___Q)
Started contemplating opening my own event management company/business
And alotta shit that I don't recall at this exact moment =]

Anyways....Time to start ^^

It's about 3:30 in the morning and I'm feeling preh normal I suppose =]

This past week has been a hell of a week, met quite a few people some most of which were pretty decent and amiable =]

Monday

Went to fishmarkets with Garmon, Chris, Leith and Garmon's friends xD
Damn the food there was like "Fuck I just creamed myself after one bite" - (Victor Skiba), yea it was that good. I reckon I had fun that day, meeting new people and having random convos (How the hell did talking about cigarettes turn into talking about shrinking vaginas?!??!! HOW AMANDA HOW?!?!?!!?), hearing Garmon and Ibnu singing "My dick in a box" (ahahaha hilarious, I can still hear it in my head) and overall having good time =]

Tuesday

What the hell did I do on Tuesday....? Oh yea! I went to city with Garmon and Leith to find myself a pair of sunglasses and Garmon a set of clothes for the 3z Gintama photoshoot. Don't recall much....The bachelor party on Saturday night killed my brain cells o___O

Skipping Wednesday cuz it's very vague....

Thursday

Went to work at Red Martin's from 6pm til 11pm for a Medical student function =] Man...mega ruined my predetermined image of Medical Students...The old americanised image of med students drinking their asses off to break out from their suppressed society/life and party as if there is no tomorrow.... Damn was I wrong...these guys in their early 20's were drinking Lemon Lime Bitters, Champagne and OJ and very little Tap Beer ==; That image is now shattered forevermore. Thanks to you, you 100% sober and mostly introverted people of St george hospital I will never be quite the same in stereotyping people....I hope you guys don't start breaking out in 3years time when you've become fully qualified doctors...

Anyways, the rest of the night (say 9-10 pm?) was a complete waste of time, doing nothing but try and win money off the pokies with my manager. Sooooo at roughly 11pm when I was supposed to knock off and head home the owner of the bar (who shall remained unamed) decided to give Florian (the manager on shift) a call and started raging for all he was worth at Flo for paying the guys who hadn't been payed for the shift. The dickhead (the owner), started saying shit like "why the fuck did you pay ****,**** and ***?!?!?!" and "Don't pay Bill! Don't pay anyone!!", at that point I realised something that me and Sam (my best mate at work) have been discussing for a while....that was that I should quit the fucked up job. Called up the General Manager (Matt) and asked about my pay and shit, Matt's always been a reliable and trustworthy guy so he gets Florian to pay me for my unpaid work and promises to get my pay for me the next day.

Got home and spent 3 hours searching for and applying for new bar jobs....fuck I'm outta there ==;

Friday

Well....ended up at work at 11am, started my day off with a jager bomb offered by Florian who was on shift once again. Florian is more sick and tired of the owner than me cuz he doesn't get paid for at least half the work he does. Admittedly he doesn't do much on shift....but he has SIX 12 HOUR SHIFTS A WEEK, it's the sheer amount of time that he spends there that makes him worth the money. Anyways, Florian, Cheyne (the head chef) and I just start drinking shots and other shit cuz we know the bar's business is going down the drain and sure enough only SEVEN people show up to have lunch at Red's. Some of my mates turned up for lunch and a drink and we end up having to witness the head chef's rage at the owner over the phone and the whole quitting exchange. But yea that was a day to remember...

Btw I swear that Red's is the ONLY bar that I know of that RUNS OUT OF BEER AND POST MIX COKE! How fucked up does the owner have to be to not order the essentials!?!?

After work, I ended up at Frank's place to play blackjack with Sean, Victor and Jenny. Frank and Victor took turns in being dealer....I milked Victor of at least $70 from $5 in a short amount of time....at that point he was trying to refuse dealing to me hahahahahaha gold.

Got home at around 12 and checked my email....OMFG I GOT A REPLY FROM THE IVY BAR/LOUNGE in less than 12 hours of submitting my application!!!

Good way to end the night =]

Saturday

Omg....I shouldn't have drunk so much on Friday.... Had an accounting exam around midday and forgot half of the shit I knew....

Anyways, went home called up Sam and met him and Cheyne at Kogarah station to meet the rest of teh guys for Florian's bachelor party at the Rocks ^^ On the train we had this full bitching festival about the owner....man no wonder we all wanna quit. So we get out at Circular Quay and started walking to the Lowenbrau to meet up with Florian and Co.

Fuck....we were about 20 minutes early.... Grabbed a table and got ourselves some half steins of Lowenbrau beer (500 mL suckas =P) halfway through my delicious and somewhat refreshing beer....the fucking owner of Red's arrives....acting all friendly and nonchalant after trying not to pay us and Cheyne having quit the previous day. He assumed I was supposed to work at Red's that night but who I am to miss out on attending my very first buck's night!??!!? And who is he to tell me to not go because he wants me to work without paying me!?!?!?

So halfway through my second stein....Florian and his gym mates arrive. Michael and Evan turn out to be pretty cool guys unlike the owner of Red's (fuck it I'm calling him OOR from this point on). So yea....we find ourselves a bigger table outside and order a german platter of food xD Damn that was a good platter....If anyone goes to the Lowenbrau I suggest the Lowenbrau original beer and the mash! Fuck that mash was soooooooooooooo gooooooooooood!!! Well as soon as some chicks sat near our table OOR gets up and starts to chat em up -sigh- philandering bastard...he's fucking married with one kid!!!! GRRRRRRRRRR!!! Well you gotta give him credit for having balls =/

At some time past 6 we all head out and grab some taxis to take us to Kirk's Hotal at Pyrmont for the real buck's night! The room we had booked was preh sweet xDD We had 3 topless waitresses serving us food and drink all night ^^
They were really friendly and by the end of the night I was desensitised to the sight of topless women...that's gonna have repercussions in the future....I reckon one day some chick is gonna flash me and I'm just gonna be "meh...seen that....thanks but I don't care..."...Fullay not good =/

Yea so turns out that one of the topless waitresses has had a boob job, though it was hard to tell but then again it's not like I've seen that many ><'

ANYWAYS....continuing on with the night, more guys arrived and we were allchilling and chatting waiting for the main event. Sam, Michael and I had an epic chat about things and how shit works, that was some deep shit we were on about =]

Michael turned out to be a 41 year old mining engineer with a PhD in bio engineering, married with 3 kids and into all things japanese =O

Our conversation went from the banal like society, films and music to the philosophical topics of existence, consciousness and evolution. Michael's belief is that we humans have evolved too quickly and I completely agree. We as a race have only really grown/evolved/advanced over the past thousand years or so. We have been programmed to hunt, kill and dominate....not enough time has passed for us as a race to avoid that part of ourselves, in each and every one of us is the urge to kill and dominate, which is why there are still murders and rapes around the world. No other species on earth likes to kill sheerly for fun and such as we humans. So yea, our brains have a genetic instinct to kill each other and society and rules are just suppressing that =/ Slightly disturbing if you think about it but still a very likely theory... Think about it, it's really been only 40-50 years since we first landed on the moon, invented the internet and all this other shit and the thing is....WE CAN'T COPE AS A RACE!!! All this information and shit that we supposedly "need"....it's just forcing too much into us. Like someone once told me, "we only use around 10-20% of our brains" it's no wonder we can't cope =/

Enough chitter chatter...if you're male you're still thinking about those strippers I mentioned before and you're prolly screaming at the screen going "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE TALK ABOUT THE STRIPPERS!?!?!??", well I'm sorry to disappoint you...I'm not gonna be very graphic about it and it's gonna be short...Don't say I didn't warn you =P

Anyways, the strippers. They got there around 11-12? Both blonde and busty. One C cup and one double D minimum. Leather thigh height boots. Wearing G-Strings. Damn hot.

Here we go!

The strippers sat Florian down, and started to do some SnM with him to begin with. Then the slow, sensual stripping of each other in a homo erotic way which can only be achieved by the female sex. And the caressing and exploration of each other with their fingers slowly, surely and undeniably erotic. Then they began to play with each other....with fingers, tongues and lolly pops (yes...lolly pops =P) in ways you boys could imagine and wish to see.....and you girls prolly don't wanna see =P

The next part I'll just give a very vague description....all I'm gonna say is that it involved a double sided phallic object, lubricant and a position that is reminiscent of "scissors". Use your imagination =P

I did warn you it'd be short and vague didn't I?

Sunday

Man...tired and lethargic....pretty sure I drank too much last night....Got up and was supposed to go to Garmon's 3z Photoshoot....but my mum told me I HAD TO HAVE LUNCH WITH MY COUSIN AND AUNT GRRRRRRRRRR!!! So I went....got home and crashed...got up at 5-6pm? and did shit all....SORRY GARMON!!!!

Finished lalalalalalala

So that's my somewhat vague and random week, prolly missing alotta shit in there but that's life you can't have it all so shut up =]

I'll do a proper job of this starting errr soon. It's around 5am in the morning Monday....I have an interview at 3pm for a job at the Ivy Bar/Lounge. So time to sleep ^^

It's my blog, I'll do it my way so here's some parting words from a song that makes perfect sense =]

".....it's now or never, I ain't gonna live forever, I'm just gonna live while I'm alive....IT'S MY LIFE!!!" ~ Bon Jovi - It's my life

Mindless blabbering + formal update o.O

2008-05-07T18:32:00.000+10:00

It's been quite a while since my first post...proves i'm not dedicated to this type of thing lol anyways... its the second week of term 2 of our HSC year o.O sucks doesnt it? my mind has been going on and on about what to do these days... my rents are raging at me for not "doing work" as in not helping them do THEIR WORK! but that also applies to studying... so what if im not the studying type alot of people i know arent... in fact some of the best people i know arent! but thats besides the point...i just dont see whats so important about studying every single one of my waking hours it just seems unreasonable and pointless....

Yes I have asian parents and YES they pressure me if you were (very likely) thinking those questions in your mind... ever since ive gotten into this school 6 years ago i feel as if im out of place or something... but only since last year or so have i found my "place" if you get what i mean... it just seems as if the majority of people are thinking one thing and im off in the opposite direction *sigh*

Well great/good news as soon as i turn 18 im getting a job at maloney's! xD that is....if joey or cid remember me at the time....might have to bring anita along with me hehehe....lol

Slightly unpleasant/pleasant news! i am now "officially" in the formal committee such fun! not... it seems my problems seem to building up slowly not that im complaining about being invited into the formal committee it just seems theres going to be a lot of pressure on me and same goes for the formal after party =( not good... well at least ill be remembered for a while =D

A part of being on the "new" formal committee is dealing with andrew ta ==" hes going to be pestering me now more than ever T_T this is the reason i just wanted to be an assistant lol its like as if i went from helping with the formal afterparty to helping organize the formal itself cuz its kind of like a thankless job lol

Anyways....its like this: I AM MOVING OUT AS SOON AS I CAN (after HSC and all you know?) i can bear to live with my parents but its extremely uncomfortable with all the bickering and shouting and the raging and the you know what i mean if you have asian parents ><" well that job at maloney's is gonna help alot lol??

considering ive just typed this seemingly without regard for whoever reads this kinda makes me feel somewhat "de-stressed?" unfortunately...every up has its down...my dad is gonna somehow get rid of the comp i am currently typing on this very moment tomorrow.... so that kinda deflates my balloon....

If anyone reading this is from tech... formal is on 17th of November starting at 7:30pm at the SMC (i forget what the "M" stands for...might stand for McD's lol), we have so far organised a small fraction of the event but progress is continuing at a steady rate... tickets are $115 pp we will require a $60 deposit from all of you lol if youre interested in the after party it is $34 pp and we have yet to choose a venue

P.S. the comedian WILL be an "A" grade comedian but we are hoping to get An Do lol funny guy but hes very expensive you know ==" so dont get your hopes up....

That about wraps it up...thanks for not reading this cuz i doubt anyone has or will...ever =P / ='(

The need to establish my thoughts

2008-04-21T00:17:00.000+10:00

Due to a chance conversation with a friend of mine, I have come to the conclusion that she has the right idea about a lot of things, one of those things is writing a blog... yea at first i thought it would be kind of lame but seeing how i can express my thoughts on a page i can access anywhere makes it very convenient to blog...

Other than expressing thoughts this blog may be used to vent =D

If anyone should somehow come across this blog (then i probably told you the site) ...well...lets just say I'm no saint and I've never pretended that i was =O

anyways it seems that i've been thinking about random things lately and it just seems like a waste of time not putting it down i guess so here i am blogging for the first time in the 17 years of my life yay for me!

first off...my pretty weird (and depressing) views:

I "try" not to judge someone based on their looks no matter how hard that impulse is...I said try didn't I?

Death is the end, simply put i believe there is no existence after death, no heaven no ghosts no nothing, unfortunately this makes me somewhat depressing to be around when i think about that cuz i dont like the fact that my consciousness is going to disappear for eternity and neither do i like the fact that ill be forgotten in about two generations time or less o.O

"People are stupid, the will believe anything because they refuse to believe the truth or are scared of it", No I don't think everyone is stupid...... I just think that when people get into large groups their mentality goes down the drain, thats why the media has such an easy time picking on certain groups when they have nothing left to cover... YES I MEAN MY AGE GROUP (15 -19 year olds) blah blah blah they drink too much they cause too much violence blah blah blah....*sigh* a minority of these people do this....and the whole group gets the blame...what a vindictive world we exist in =(

To further demonstrate this point...to both myself and anyone else who may read this:

"As I know more of mankind, I expect less of them, and am now ready to call a man a good man upon easier terms than I was formerly."
Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784)

He's quite right in saying so, as you meet new people it seems as if some groups of people tend to get worse and worse *sigh* its not my role to judge but hey its my blog so FUCK OFF I DON'T CARE IF YOU AGREE OR NOT!!!

Moving on, these days i find myself thinking about too many things that i probably can't comprehend... many of which have probably been raised by many people in the past so i'm gonna skip that and do as i said ...move on

Some information on myself... I'm 100% azn chinese to be precise but then again i havent checked my ancestry or whatever....so yea i can pull off an accent pretty well

I was born and raised here in Australia "the big down under" which is a pretty great place considering the conditions the other countries are in...

I attend an all boys school ==" - it's what we call a selective school here, we're supposedly the "cream of the crop" but whatever its just school to me.... let's see... right school is called Sydney Technical High "An academically selective school for boys" its my last year at this school so i'm trying to make it count for something and take away some great memories!

Yea my HSC is gonna suck big time if i don't pick up the slack now lol kinda sad for me to say that outloud but anyway i'm just gonna go for a 88.00 UAI lol pereeeeteee shite

I am a male, incompetent dancer (but somehow i can DDR lol), avid reader (just try and get me away from a good book without a good reason), i am a heavy smoker (yes i can admit my crappy addiction), i also drink and gamble (mainly poker), i'm a decent guy considering i do these things, i tend not to get drunk but my face does get red easily from drink cuz its like a family trait lol, i love to cook and mix beverages especially coffee!

I am a qualified barista!! yay!! seriously i can and have made kickass coffees, one of my life's greatest ambitions is to open up my own bar/restaurant and I WILL ACCOMPLISH THIS unless of course i choose a different way to earn a decent living (yes i do plan to be a bartender at the end of this year...), i really enjoy sport even the ones i'm shit at...WHO CARES ITS FUN!!!

last thing i can be bothered mentioning about myself... i enjoy playing video games!! like who doesnt but im sick of dota!!! people start playing COD4 NOW ITS BETTER!!! lol free advertising

right now theres this girl i kinda like but she doesnt know lol obviously! i plan to tell her this week =D anyways this is what im gonna say:

*name* this may seem pretty random but i like you, im just putting it out there so i can find out whether or not you feel the same way... if you dont that makes it easy for me so i can move on and still be friends you know? so like if you do feel something for me then would you like to go out or something?

I dont want to put any pressure on you or anything but if we do go into a relationship then i want to be able to part as friends

I'm blunt and i dont give a shit that i am it just makes things simpler for me deep down inside every person theres a caveman or whatever lurking there who still believes the world is flat and is scared shitless of nearly everything =P

nice way to end my first blog isnt it?