Falling away from me

It has just occurred to me why I still have my teddy bear and why it's still in my bed after all these years. It took a message from my dear friend Garmon on msn to make me realise that I do indeed have a suppressed childhood and I can only let it out in the company of my friends, particularly my closer friends.

On Monday (Last week), Garmon was going to tell me off for making a chopstick boomerang but he stopped upon realising the one thing I didn't realise myself...That I can only really be free amongst friends away from my overbearing family. I suppose my teddy bear is a symbol of my child like behaviour that was lacking in my somewhat oppressed childhood. No matter how hard I try to throw my dear teddy bear away I can't...I just can't bear to throw it away... After 18 years of possessing this object of affection (I got it when I was about a year old), I still haven't named it....This might just be another sign that I can't really find what I'm lacking in the past and present -sigh-

When Garmon told me this....I literally burst into tears over a bunch of letters on a small screen...Those few words meant so much to me... Just thinking about it makes me tear up... Fuck...I'm doing that right now....Please bear with me for a second while I light up a cigarette and hold back the tears. Anyways... He's made me realise that I am an incomplete person but more importantly he made me realise that my friends understand me more than I do myself... Garmon, if you read this....Fucking love you man! (But not in the homo way)

Another thing I realised recently...Cigarettes may just be another way for me to somehow justify my existence as an adult juxtaposed against my unnamed teddy bear. Maybe I'm over analysing everything but I think the way people do things is a reflection of their thoughts and disposition. My room is a MESS! It's my cluttered thoughts spread out with one vestige of order right in the corner where all my books, shot glasses, brandy glasses and my cocktail shaker are taking residence on a shelf. It's like a representation of my awareness of my current state of mind....sift through the clutter and strange objects and you'll find the real me. Or something like that...

On another note... I've just realised today at the group interview at the Ivy, that I have had much more work experience than a majority of people around my age...I just assumed everyone would have had some sort of job experience....at least a year's worth? But I was sadly mistaken...One guy only had 8 months experience, another only 6 months at maccas and the list seems to go on... There were probably only about 3 out of the 10 or so people who could put up some competition to my apparently immense amount of work experience. I might as well list my qualifications right now =]

Starting from the Most recent jobs I've stayed at for more than a month, drum roll please!

Red Martin's Hotel/Bar/Club/whatever you wanna call it~
Commenced in June 2009
Position: Bartender/Glassy/Barback/Gaming Attendant
Responsibilities: Restocking of fridges, stock taking, stock rotation, cashier, bartending, glassy, waiter, cleaning, cocktails, shots, pokie reads and payouts, expense sheets, slight managerial role....not much but still somewhat in charge when the big boys are out to play =]

So yea... Working in this bar has taught me so many things and I've experienced so much shit there in such a short amount of time it's pretty surprising when I really think about it =/

Let's see.... I learned how to pour the "perfect" beer. Taught myself how to layer shots through observation and practice. Was advised by the senior bartenders/managers on what alcohol should be mixed with what. Learnt how to plan and prepare for a house party, including costs and what drinks should be prepared in advance as well as the cups and shit needed for a party.

I also witnessed my first ever live lesbian strip show....I think there was a change at that moment, I realised that most girls will glam up, show affection but never give what you want to you even if you beg for it. I'm not talking about strippers or anything like that but they are a good representation of women as a whole (not as people who strip off and please men for money....but symbolically). What I'm saying is: A girl may be attractive, flirtatious and even seem to like you BUT they will never ever be completely honest with you hence the stripper's stage name. I have never been in a relationship with a girl (bf/gf duh...),so can't really say much...BUT I HAVE HAD A WEALTH OF REJECTIONS!!! HI5! So I've heard many many MANY different types of responses but the one thing in common is that not one of the girls was honest to me about it. A simple "No I'm not interested because [insert honest reason]" instead of "I don't want to lose your friendship" kind of bull shit answer that makes things awkward would be so much fucking better!!!!

I might have said this before but I'm a blunt guy when I'm serious. No running around in circles, no leading you by the nose to who the fuck knows where and no dilly-dallying!!!

Fuck...I've lost my line of thought and gone a rant...so yea back to my work experience....

San Churro Chocolate Cafe~
Commenced: January/February 2009
Position: Barista
Responsibilities: Let's see....chocolate, chocolate, chocolate....and the occasional cappuccino with was loaded with chocolate flakes... Shakes, preparation of deserts among other things. Can't really complain about thsi job....Met some nice people but I don't think that I could've stayed there for long cuz I ain't like those guys. They're nice but....we're almost like oil and water, together...but not mixing =/

And my first ever PAYING JOB was.....You guessed it! MACCAS =O

Plaza McDonald's 600 George St, Town Hall
Commenced: March 2006
Position: Crew Trainer
Responsibilites: Fuck....So many memories....So much that has influenced me into the guy I am today....I was a crew trainer without a payrise, A guy who was expected to be able to do EVERYTHING which I actually could at maccas surprisingly enough. Before I left I was supposed to be promoted to a manager...I did run a few shifts BUT I left before the promotion.

I don't hate maccas but I try not to eat there as I know how most maccas employees are...so look carefully at your burgers....see that blackish stain? It's been dropped on the floor....Is it past midnight? We're rushing everything without all the ingredients. Simply forget the pickles, onions, mustard and w/e small shit that you won't notice and just do ketchup, cheese, meat and bun for your cheeseburger =P

A quick summary of my skills/qualifications

• I have my Responsible Service of Alcohol Certificate
• I have my Responsible Conduct of Gambling Certificate
• Completed a Barista training course at the Coffee School in glebe
• Have a vast knowledge of shots and some knwoledge of cocktails
• Have planned quite a few events....fuck it's alotta work for one guy to do =/
• Can manage people and resources from training and experience
• Very good at milking tips from customers =]
  

I've always been a skeptical guy...but today's Mx horoscope fullay got to me...here it is:

Sagittarus
November 23 - December 21

Slow down Sagittarius! You're all fired up with plans, projects and possibilities but do you really know where you're heading? Use the Moon in Taurus energy to plan, prioritise - and be patient.

So yea, I've been planning shit like crazy got too many things on my mind, a few examples would be my friend's friend's 18th birthday house party....total cost of alcohol and utensils etc would be around $2000 =/ But if I charge $20 per person...It should cover it....plus some for me =P

Planning on getting a second job so I can move out! My family has been overbearing and it's not we're completely financially stable so...I'd rather just move on forget whatever has happened at "home"...

To be completely honest, I think my younger brother is gay. No I'm not being a jerk...It's just that he talks and walks like a fat chick and I've caught him watching gay porn at least 3 times....man wtfbbq?!?!?! Oh yea all the girls at his workplace treat him like a sister instead of like a brother =/

Anways....I think I've said enough for one day....I leave you with a photo of my teddy bear