Falling away from me

It has just occurred to me why I still have my teddy bear and why it's still in my bed after all these years. It took a message from my dear friend Garmon on msn to make me realise that I do indeed have a suppressed childhood and I can only let it out in the company of my friends, particularly my closer friends.

On Monday (Last week), Garmon was going to tell me off for making a chopstick boomerang but he stopped upon realising the one thing I didn't realise myself...That I can only really be free amongst friends away from my overbearing family. I suppose my teddy bear is a symbol of my child like behaviour that was lacking in my somewhat oppressed childhood. No matter how hard I try to throw my dear teddy bear away I can't...I just can't bear to throw it away... After 18 years of possessing this object of affection (I got it when I was about a year old), I still haven't named it....This might just be another sign that I can't really find what I'm lacking in the past and present -sigh-

When Garmon told me this....I literally burst into tears over a bunch of letters on a small screen...Those few words meant so much to me... Just thinking about it makes me tear up... Fuck...I'm doing that right now....Please bear with me for a second while I light up a cigarette and hold back the tears. Anyways... He's made me realise that I am an incomplete person but more importantly he made me realise that my friends understand me more than I do myself... Garmon, if you read this....Fucking love you man! (But not in the homo way)

Another thing I realised recently...Cigarettes may just be another way for me to somehow justify my existence as an adult juxtaposed against my unnamed teddy bear. Maybe I'm over analysing everything but I think the way people do things is a reflection of their thoughts and disposition. My room is a MESS! It's my cluttered thoughts spread out with one vestige of order right in the corner where all my books, shot glasses, brandy glasses and my cocktail shaker are taking residence on a shelf. It's like a representation of my awareness of my current state of mind....sift through the clutter and strange objects and you'll find the real me. Or something like that...

On another note... I've just realised today at the group interview at the Ivy, that I have had much more work experience than a majority of people around my age...I just assumed everyone would have had some sort of job experience....at least a year's worth? But I was sadly mistaken...One guy only had 8 months experience, another only 6 months at maccas and the list seems to go on... There were probably only about 3 out of the 10 or so people who could put up some competition to my apparently immense amount of work experience. I might as well list my qualifications right now =]

Starting from the Most recent jobs I've stayed at for more than a month, drum roll please!

Red Martin's Hotel/Bar/Club/whatever you wanna call it~
Commenced in June 2009
Position: Bartender/Glassy/Barback/Gaming Attendant
Responsibilities: Restocking of fridges, stock taking, stock rotation, cashier, bartending, glassy, waiter, cleaning, cocktails, shots, pokie reads and payouts, expense sheets, slight managerial role....not much but still somewhat in charge when the big boys are out to play =]

So yea... Working in this bar has taught me so many things and I've experienced so much shit there in such a short amount of time it's pretty surprising when I really think about it =/

Let's see.... I learned how to pour the "perfect" beer. Taught myself how to layer shots through observation and practice. Was advised by the senior bartenders/managers on what alcohol should be mixed with what. Learnt how to plan and prepare for a house party, including costs and what drinks should be prepared in advance as well as the cups and shit needed for a party.

I also witnessed my first ever live lesbian strip show....I think there was a change at that moment, I realised that most girls will glam up, show affection but never give what you want to you even if you beg for it. I'm not talking about strippers or anything like that but they are a good representation of women as a whole (not as people who strip off and please men for money....but symbolically). What I'm saying is: A girl may be attractive, flirtatious and even seem to like you BUT they will never ever be completely honest with you hence the stripper's stage name. I have never been in a relationship with a girl (bf/gf duh...),so can't really say much...BUT I HAVE HAD A WEALTH OF REJECTIONS!!! HI5! So I've heard many many MANY different types of responses but the one thing in common is that not one of the girls was honest to me about it. A simple "No I'm not interested because [insert honest reason]" instead of "I don't want to lose your friendship" kind of bull shit answer that makes things awkward would be so much fucking better!!!!

I might have said this before but I'm a blunt guy when I'm serious. No running around in circles, no leading you by the nose to who the fuck knows where and no dilly-dallying!!!

Fuck...I've lost my line of thought and gone a rant...so yea back to my work experience....

San Churro Chocolate Cafe~
Commenced: January/February 2009
Position: Barista
Responsibilities: Let's see....chocolate, chocolate, chocolate....and the occasional cappuccino with was loaded with chocolate flakes... Shakes, preparation of deserts among other things. Can't really complain about thsi job....Met some nice people but I don't think that I could've stayed there for long cuz I ain't like those guys. They're nice but....we're almost like oil and water, together...but not mixing =/

And my first ever PAYING JOB was.....You guessed it! MACCAS =O

Plaza McDonald's 600 George St, Town Hall
Commenced: March 2006
Position: Crew Trainer
Responsibilites: Fuck....So many memories....So much that has influenced me into the guy I am today....I was a crew trainer without a payrise, A guy who was expected to be able to do EVERYTHING which I actually could at maccas surprisingly enough. Before I left I was supposed to be promoted to a manager...I did run a few shifts BUT I left before the promotion.

I don't hate maccas but I try not to eat there as I know how most maccas employees are...so look carefully at your burgers....see that blackish stain? It's been dropped on the floor....Is it past midnight? We're rushing everything without all the ingredients. Simply forget the pickles, onions, mustard and w/e small shit that you won't notice and just do ketchup, cheese, meat and bun for your cheeseburger =P

A quick summary of my skills/qualifications

• I have my Responsible Service of Alcohol Certificate
• I have my Responsible Conduct of Gambling Certificate
• Completed a Barista training course at the Coffee School in glebe
• Have a vast knowledge of shots and some knwoledge of cocktails
• Have planned quite a few events....fuck it's alotta work for one guy to do =/
• Can manage people and resources from training and experience
• Very good at milking tips from customers =]
  

I've always been a skeptical guy...but today's Mx horoscope fullay got to me...here it is:

Sagittarus
November 23 - December 21

Slow down Sagittarius! You're all fired up with plans, projects and possibilities but do you really know where you're heading? Use the Moon in Taurus energy to plan, prioritise - and be patient.

So yea, I've been planning shit like crazy got too many things on my mind, a few examples would be my friend's friend's 18th birthday house party....total cost of alcohol and utensils etc would be around $2000 =/ But if I charge $20 per person...It should cover it....plus some for me =P

Planning on getting a second job so I can move out! My family has been overbearing and it's not we're completely financially stable so...I'd rather just move on forget whatever has happened at "home"...

To be completely honest, I think my younger brother is gay. No I'm not being a jerk...It's just that he talks and walks like a fat chick and I've caught him watching gay porn at least 3 times....man wtfbbq?!?!?! Oh yea all the girls at his workplace treat him like a sister instead of like a brother =/

Anways....I think I've said enough for one day....I leave you with a photo of my teddy bear

WTF I HAVE A BLOG!??!?!

Wow....I knew I had a blog but I fullay forgot the password since my last post over a year ago =O

Summary of time spent away from blog (In no specific order):

• Quit my previous job at George St McDonald's.
• Turned 18 xDDD
• Got a job at San Churo Chocolate Cafe and stayed there for about 6 months....fullay learned how to make a kick ass hot chocolate =]
• Got my RSA and RCG
• Got addicted to anime but somehow avoided being a 100% otaku
• Got my FIRST BAR JOB....man that was one of my highlights of this year, the bar has provided me with so much yet....the owner is fucktard but the general manager is the best guy I've ever worked for =]
• Met many cool people and some douschebags to balance it out....found out how untrustworthy some people are.....grrrr.....
• Stayed in contact with my best mates and made a few mates that I treasure just as much as my oldest mates
• Got a house party of 30+ drunk in under half an hour =P
• Saw my first strip show at work....FOR FREE hahahahaha
• Failed my hsc miserably!!!
• Started attending UTS: Insearch
• Still a heavy smoker
• Still single after 18 years (almost 19 Q___Q)
• Started contemplating opening my own event management company/business
• And alotta shit that I don't recall at this exact moment =]

Anyways....Time to start ^^

It's about 3:30 in the morning and I'm feeling preh normal I suppose =]

This past week has been a hell of a week, met quite a few people some most of which were pretty decent and amiable =]

Monday

Went to fishmarkets with Garmon, Chris, Leith and Garmon's friends xD
Damn the food there was like "Fuck I just creamed myself after one bite" - (Victor Skiba), yea it was that good. I reckon I had fun that day, meeting new people and having random convos (How the hell did talking about cigarettes turn into talking about shrinking vaginas?!??!! HOW AMANDA HOW?!?!?!!?), hearing Garmon and Ibnu singing "My dick in a box" (ahahaha hilarious, I can still hear it in my head) and overall having good time =]

Tuesday

What the hell did I do on Tuesday....? Oh yea! I went to city with Garmon and Leith to find myself a pair of sunglasses and Garmon a set of clothes for the 3z Gintama photoshoot. Don't recall much....The bachelor party on Saturday night killed my brain cells o___O

Skipping Wednesday cuz it's very vague....

Thursday

Went to work at Red Martin's from 6pm til 11pm for a Medical student function =] Man...mega ruined my predetermined image of Medical Students...The old americanised image of med students drinking their asses off to break out from their suppressed society/life and party as if there is no tomorrow.... Damn was I wrong...these guys in their early 20's were drinking Lemon Lime Bitters, Champagne and OJ and very little Tap Beer ==; That image is now shattered forevermore. Thanks to you, you 100% sober and mostly introverted people of St george hospital I will never be quite the same in stereotyping people....I hope you guys don't start breaking out in 3years time when you've become fully qualified doctors...

Anyways, the rest of the night (say 9-10 pm?) was a complete waste of time, doing nothing but try and win money off the pokies with my manager. Sooooo at roughly 11pm when I was supposed to knock off and head home the owner of the bar (who shall remained unamed) decided to give Florian (the manager on shift) a call and started raging for all he was worth at Flo for paying the guys who hadn't been payed for the shift. The dickhead (the owner), started saying shit like "why the fuck did you pay ****,**** and ***?!?!?!" and "Don't pay Bill! Don't pay anyone!!", at that point I realised something that me and Sam (my best mate at work) have been discussing for a while....that was that I should quit the fucked up job. Called up the General Manager (Matt) and asked about my pay and shit, Matt's always been a reliable and trustworthy guy so he gets Florian to pay me for my unpaid work and promises to get my pay for me the next day.

Got home and spent 3 hours searching for and applying for new bar jobs....fuck I'm outta there ==;

Friday

Well....ended up at work at 11am, started my day off with a jager bomb offered by Florian who was on shift once again. Florian is more sick and tired of the owner than me cuz he doesn't get paid for at least half the work he does. Admittedly he doesn't do much on shift....but he has SIX 12 HOUR SHIFTS A WEEK, it's the sheer amount of time that he spends there that makes him worth the money. Anyways, Florian, Cheyne (the head chef) and I just start drinking shots and other shit cuz we know the bar's business is going down the drain and sure enough only SEVEN people show up to have lunch at Red's. Some of my mates turned up for lunch and a drink and we end up having to witness the head chef's rage at the owner over the phone and the whole quitting exchange. But yea that was a day to remember...

Btw I swear that Red's is the ONLY bar that I know of that RUNS OUT OF BEER AND POST MIX COKE! How fucked up does the owner have to be to not order the essentials!?!?

After work, I ended up at Frank's place to play blackjack with Sean, Victor and Jenny. Frank and Victor took turns in being dealer....I milked Victor of at least $70 from $5 in a short amount of time....at that point he was trying to refuse dealing to me hahahahahaha gold.

Got home at around 12 and checked my email....OMFG I GOT A REPLY FROM THE IVY BAR/LOUNGE in less than 12 hours of submitting my application!!!

Good way to end the night =]

Saturday

Omg....I shouldn't have drunk so much on Friday.... Had an accounting exam around midday and forgot half of the shit I knew....

Anyways, went home called up Sam and met him and Cheyne at Kogarah station to meet the rest of teh guys for Florian's bachelor party at the Rocks ^^ On the train we had this full bitching festival about the owner....man no wonder we all wanna quit. So we get out at Circular Quay and started walking to the Lowenbrau to meet up with Florian and Co.

Fuck....we were about 20 minutes early.... Grabbed a table and got ourselves some half steins of Lowenbrau beer (500 mL suckas =P) halfway through my delicious and somewhat refreshing beer....the fucking owner of Red's arrives....acting all friendly and nonchalant after trying not to pay us and Cheyne having quit the previous day. He assumed I was supposed to work at Red's that night but who I am to miss out on attending my very first buck's night!??!!? And who is he to tell me to not go because he wants me to work without paying me!?!?!?

So halfway through my second stein....Florian and his gym mates arrive. Michael and Evan turn out to be pretty cool guys unlike the owner of Red's (fuck it I'm calling him OOR from this point on). So yea....we find ourselves a bigger table outside and order a german platter of food xD Damn that was a good platter....If anyone goes to the Lowenbrau I suggest the Lowenbrau original beer and the mash! Fuck that mash was soooooooooooooo gooooooooooood!!! Well as soon as some chicks sat near our table OOR gets up and starts to chat em up -sigh- philandering bastard...he's fucking married with one kid!!!! GRRRRRRRRRR!!! Well you gotta give him credit for having balls =/

At some time past 6 we all head out and grab some taxis to take us to Kirk's Hotal at Pyrmont for the real buck's night! The room we had booked was preh sweet xDD We had 3 topless waitresses serving us food and drink all night ^^
They were really friendly and by the end of the night I was desensitised to the sight of topless women...that's gonna have repercussions in the future....I reckon one day some chick is gonna flash me and I'm just gonna be "meh...seen that....thanks but I don't care..."...Fullay not good =/

Yea so turns out that one of the topless waitresses has had a boob job, though it was hard to tell but then again it's not like I've seen that many ><'

ANYWAYS....continuing on with the night, more guys arrived and we were allchilling and chatting waiting for the main event. Sam, Michael and I had an epic chat about things and how shit works, that was some deep shit we were on about =]

Michael turned out to be a 41 year old mining engineer with a PhD in bio engineering, married with 3 kids and into all things japanese =O

Our conversation went from the banal like society, films and music to the philosophical topics of existence, consciousness and evolution. Michael's belief is that we humans have evolved too quickly and I completely agree. We as a race have only really grown/evolved/advanced over the past thousand years or so. We have been programmed to hunt, kill and dominate....not enough time has passed for us as a race to avoid that part of ourselves, in each and every one of us is the urge to kill and dominate, which is why there are still murders and rapes around the world. No other species on earth likes to kill sheerly for fun and such as we humans. So yea, our brains have a genetic instinct to kill each other and society and rules are just suppressing that =/ Slightly disturbing if you think about it but still a very likely theory... Think about it, it's really been only 40-50 years since we first landed on the moon, invented the internet and all this other shit and the thing is....WE CAN'T COPE AS A RACE!!! All this information and shit that we supposedly "need"....it's just forcing too much into us. Like someone once told me, "we only use around 10-20% of our brains" it's no wonder we can't cope =/

Enough chitter chatter...if you're male you're still thinking about those strippers I mentioned before and you're prolly screaming at the screen going "WHERE THE FUCK IS THE TALK ABOUT THE STRIPPERS!?!?!??", well I'm sorry to disappoint you...I'm not gonna be very graphic about it and it's gonna be short...Don't say I didn't warn you =P

Anyways, the strippers. They got there around 11-12? Both blonde and busty. One C cup and one double D minimum. Leather thigh height boots. Wearing G-Strings. Damn hot.

Here we go!

The strippers sat Florian down, and started to do some SnM with him to begin with. Then the slow, sensual stripping of each other in a homo erotic way which can only be achieved by the female sex. And the caressing and exploration of each other with their fingers slowly, surely and undeniably erotic. Then they began to play with each other....with fingers, tongues and lolly pops (yes...lolly pops =P) in ways you boys could imagine and wish to see.....and you girls prolly don't wanna see =P

The next part I'll just give a very vague description....all I'm gonna say is that it involved a double sided phallic object, lubricant and a position that is reminiscent of "scissors". Use your imagination =P

I did warn you it'd be short and vague didn't I?

Sunday

Man...tired and lethargic....pretty sure I drank too much last night....Got up and was supposed to go to Garmon's 3z Photoshoot....but my mum told me I HAD TO HAVE LUNCH WITH MY COUSIN AND AUNT GRRRRRRRRRR!!! So I went....got home and crashed...got up at 5-6pm? and did shit all....SORRY GARMON!!!!

Finished lalalalalalala

So that's my somewhat vague and random week, prolly missing alotta shit in there but that's life you can't have it all so shut up =]

I'll do a proper job of this starting errr soon. It's around 5am in the morning Monday....I have an interview at 3pm for a job at the Ivy Bar/Lounge. So time to sleep ^^

It's my blog, I'll do it my way so here's some parting words from a song that makes perfect sense =]

".....it's now or never, I ain't gonna live forever, I'm just gonna live while I'm alive....IT'S MY LIFE!!!" ~ Bon Jovi - It's my life