Seriously....I can't comprehend what is going on at the moment, these thoughts swirling around my head are colliding with my other thoughts. I can't make heads or tails of the situation I'm in...I feel as if I'm too awake, if that makes any sense =/ In any case I don't know what to do with myself right now...
I think I've run into a crossroads of sorts and I can't decide which direction I'm going to go...At first I thought it was a straight track down to the finish line....but....when has life been easy? =.=
I'm much too aware of what I'm lacking, I need something or someone to ground me before my mind slips away into some shitty self made mental abyss....fuck this shit...I know too many of my flaws, I say what I'm thinking before I know it....but sometimes I don't know what to say at all, my mind is overrun by things of no consequence and it just makes my mind collapse on itself.
I'm filled with regrets and emotions but I've got a drive that won't let me give up just yet. It's as if I've got a war going on in my own mind...but it's formed a treaty of sorts. Like one side of me urges me to let go, give up, throw it away....but the other side is screaming for me to finish what I started....but it looks like a compromise has been made. I'll reach the finish line....but when I do, I might just give up on everything or I might find another goal....yea...who knows what I'm going to do =/
I wish I wasn't self aware....there are things that you should never be aware ...some things about others I never wanted to know....some things about myself I didn't want to be aware of....these feelings and facts are ripping me apart inside...I don't think I can last holding them in....some one has got to know....I've got to tell some one but not here, not now....I'm far too awake, just knock me out and let me go back to sleep.
1 comment:
im completely unaware of the situation you're in so i cant really shed much light. not knowing can save you from pain but knowing can only make you better even if you have to suffer.
whatever it is, however you find that your mind works. there's always a logical side and an emotional side. just don't let your emotional side overtake your logical side because that's what leads to irrational decisions.
Post a Comment