Sinking feeling

I think I'm fine now, after a long conversation with someone who's like a sister to me, I have returned to the world of the sane...well at least most of me has, the remaining part of me that is still lost in the dark world of insanity is shackled and sedated. Although I may still be a little off track....I think I've found my resolve again.

I have a hell of a week ahead of me....5 exams next week, 2 assignments due tomorrow, and 2 days worth of very long shifts at a very busy and chaotic music festival right after the exams. No rest for the wicked indeed =/

This was my very first mental breakdown....I'm not proud of it, in fact I hate myself for it.

I've got a few more goals in mind now...and I think that's the only thing keeping me going, preventing me from doing something irreversible, something stupid, something irresponsible, something really really impulsive, something that might scar me for life. Then again...that something could be the best thing I may ever do....but I don't have the the energy or the guts to take an unknown detour. I'm still scared of losing control...I need to be in control of my own actions and thoughts...time to pick up the reins and dig my spurs in.

They say it's not what you do that defines you but it's the company you keep that truly makes you who you are but who the fuck are "they"? And what the fuck do they know about me?

For some reason I think life is like a chaotic stream of emotions, thoughts and experiences, all determined by your own choices, a wrong turn could lead you crashing down a waterfall ending your adventure prematurely. Each of us is a drop of water, when one drop moves in different direction, others are sure to follow the path left behind (Just like watching rain drops on the window). Some of us will choose to ride the momentum into the waterfall, while others will gently wash down into the ocean, contributing in a small but significant way to another speck of life and in turn influencing all those around that life and others beyond it.

As for me, I plan on rushing down the rapids once more. Where I end up is anyone's guess....only time will tell.