Opportunities have come and gone, wishes have been both fulfilled and forgotten, dreams have been shattered and reforged but it's time to make new opportunities, new wishes and carve out a new path for my dreams. This year has been kind of shit in general....but this month has been the worst month I have EVER experienced and I'm glad that both this year and month are going to be over soon. And NO I'm not exaggerating....wanna know why? If your answer was NO then too bad I'm telling you anyway! Leave if you don't wanna know but hear me out a bit...
First of all my family has been through something akin to hell. I was hospitalised because they thought I had cancer...relatives concerned as hell even though I didn't have it...a false alarm of sorts...BUT then my cousin was diagnosed with bowel cancer fuck....he looked so damn weak after the surgery....again with the concern and stress for everyone involved...Don't worry he's fine now but still...shit times
A few months after that my grandma was hospitalised after breaking her hip. I know, I know no big deal she's old, I can honestly say I'm not that worried...but seeing someone lose their mind is more painful than anything I take...even if that person isn't someone I'm particularly close to. Dementia is fucked. There's no other way of putting it. If I develop something that fucks up my mind or makes me lose my precious memories of all things good and bad....something like Alzheimer's SOMEBODY SHOOT ME!!! No seriously, shoot me in the head to put me out of my misery. I'm not taking it lying down being pitied and coddled. So anyways...during this period of time which was only a few weeks ago...my mum's dad died. Again not too close to him nor did I really care about him that much. BUT FUCK!!! My mum's breakdown right after hearing the news was more than I could bear...it's only been a few days since we got the news...so she's gone completely mental. Crying for her dad...screaming abuse at both me and my dad....blaming us for his death....falling back on a shit belief system that manipulates its believers through fear....aka christianity. Go die religion, you have no place in the world! So where was I? Right...not only has my mum's pappy dropped dead as well as my dad's mum lost the plot....my favourite uncle has developed cancer as well....shit times when everyone around you resorts to abusing each other to escape from their depression.
While I'm still raving on about escape I might as well tell you how my xmas went =/
Screaming anguish bursts into my ears demolishing whatever calm state of mind I was in...The sound of ceramic shattering across the kitchen followed by the roar of an enraged beast tormented by the abuse spewing forth from one who is in a mentally unstable condition...The sounds come closer...The cry for "help".... alright fuck the story I can;t be fucked writing it creatively. Short summary, mum's gone bonkers, blames dad, screams more abuse at dad, dad tries to stay calm, dad can't take it anymore...throws cup, rages, both argue, mum comes towards my room screaming for help after provoking my dad...I can't pretend to sleep anymore...I get in between the two swearing my ass off at my brother who did nothing but back up my mum...I end up holding back my dad and alternate between telling him to calm down and tell my my mum to shut up. Dad leaves the house to who knows where, mum shuts up and my brother goes to work at maccas...I get dressed and leave to walk in the rain to some unknown destination. Before I know it, I'm at st george leagues club =.= An hour later I get a call from Victor (Xiong) to come over after he's done with work. My xmas is somewhat salvaged by both him and Frank Miao...it's nice to know that there's always a ray of hope in a raging storm.
Ahhh fuck it...screw the bitching....time for a change! Time for new hopes and aspirations! Time to get the fuck outta this hole and away from its fucked up denizens!
Hey....I could fullay make a news years resolution list right about now...I mean why the hell not? I want out and a fresh beginning so...Let's get started NOW!!!
- Move out
- Get a job that earns me $20,000-$35,000 per year
- Keep said job
- Learn to save at least $5000
- Buy a coffee machine and blender
- Learn how to make Japanese Cuisine
- Learn how to make Butter Chicken and possibly other indian curry
- Earn a decent reputation for something
- Attempt the Menya Godzilla Ramen Challenge =D
- Get my Learner's License
- Learn how to play drums
- Become more understanding
- Become more organised
- Exercise more
- Finish my costume
- Cosplay at an anime convention
- Sell a costume
- Learn how to dance
- Go to Japan
- Work in Japan for a short amount of time
And that's all I can think of at the moment ^^
Anyways, I'd like to thank all my friends, associates and workmates who've provided me with support, kindness and most importantly their presence/existence. I've met a huge variety of people this year...and I think I'll stay in contact with a majority of those people. So what I'd like to say is...Thanks for being there and being who you are! <3 you all! <3s all round! (cept for my family....they can go <3-less)
Let's look forward to a new year filled with new beginning s and plenty of opportunities for us all to grow and succeed!!! 2010! Let's start again!
5 comments:
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you'll have much better times good sir, :c
.. how the hell did you become a barista if you didn't get your Ls in the first place?
xmas is sorta like the concept where people get together and celebrate the spirit of togetherness and family. it doesn't always work out, it's like some sort of excuse to pretend to be happy now.
you SURE you're going to keep your nyrs? i usually fail at keeping any sort of promise to myself, so you better stick to your guns good sir, or you owe me a drink. :D
lots of love,
Sheryl
oh fuck, ignore the barista's thing XD
LOL, shut up, whatever i said on msn. XD
barista's isn't that hard to get actually, for yr 10 food tech i got mine in a day just boiling milk and putting obscene amounts of sugar in my newly made hot chocolate :D
it's 12.30, i'm totally wasted. shush. :$
one wonders how you can be so optimistic after this terrible year.
i suppose you can't really dwell in the past. well you have us now.
love all around <3 !
'10 will defs be a better year (:
head up billy <3
its just like playing pokies on my ipod.. you win and you loose
except you wont have me hitting you and telling you off :p
<3
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