Don't get close to me, I'll just disappoint you

Once upon a time I was incredibly socially inept. I did not know what to say or who to say things to. I thought I had grown, matured, learned new things...But it seems that I am still the same retarded person I was back then. I still don't know when to keep my mouth shut. I still don't know when to say something...I haven't learnt anything at all. I'm still a disappointment to many and will most likely continue to be one to many more....Well this proves a fairly large amount of people right. I can't keep promises...To myself or other people. Just punch me in the face if it makes you feel any better. Or ignore me. I'll cope. I'm not that brittle. Sure I'll sprout waterfalls under my eyes but that needn't concern you or anyone else for that matter. I make mistakes. I'M SUPPOSED TO FUCKING LEARN FROM THOSE DAMN MISTAKES. But bloody hell....I sure take a long time to learn even the simplest things...unless there's money involved....

Well now. I've just gathered my thoughts and pulled through my self defeatist attitude and have come to terms with yet another excruciating loss. Unfortunately, this just shows how easily I get over things. I failed, I messed up, w/e, I move on. I'm tired of the whole process. Obviously I fuck up way too often so now I'm a callous wretch. If I'm to be cut off. I'll fall away quickly and roll away from where I'm being cut from. My grieving process is incredibly quick for some odd reason. Maybe because I was a bullied kid who had the nerve to stand up to people. Maybe it's cuz of what I've been through over the last 4 years but there is no way in hell I'm gonna dwell on things that will no longer be relevant. 

My stages of grieving: 1. Denial 2.Bargaining 3. Depression 4. Acceptance 5. Anger at acceptance followed by just Anger then plain old Acceptance. This process takes between 2-5 hours for me. Strange. I must be extremely insensitive. 

Enough boring whoever is reading this. I'm not going to spend another hour or so telling you how screwed up I am cuz you can see that already. So let's get on with my gratuitous self inflating monologue shall we? After I'm done, you're sure to hate me if you don't already! (No sarcasm intended)

Well I've finally landed a STABLE job and it makes me glow a bit on the inside every time I think about this single achievement. A smallish pub on the corner of chinatown filled with white folk. I get a minimum of one shift a week and the pay is decent. $20.04/hr on week days, $24.05 on Saturdays, $28.05 on Sundays and $44.08 on public holidays. Not too shabby. Since I work on Saturday most of the time I get roughly $200 for  my night shift. So yea....Loving it =]

With the job, I can afford to pay off my debts and shit like that. =D Another plus is that I finally got myself to get gym membership =D For a fucking low rate! AHAHAHAHAHA Asian stubborn cheapness is awesome when utilised for contracts ^^ So it'll cost me less than a grand a year to keep my membership =P

Playing squash every monday. Gym right after. Study on tuesdays. Class all of wednesday. Gym and study on thursday. Recreation and possibly work on friday. Work on saturdays and gym if I don't have work the day before. Rest on sundays. That sounds pretty balanced =]

Fuck I can't be fucked writing anymore. I'll do proper post in the weeks to come. That is if I don't get shot or something like that. I won't change the title I put there in the beginning of this post simply because I believe that to be true. But here are some last words. I will not bow (to everyone), I will not break (for long) and I bloody well will get back on my feet if I get pushed down.

Ignore me but make it clear you're gonna ignore me. Once I'm done. I'm moving on. Goodbye and thanks for all the fish.