I am not a maid damnit!

I've been neglecting this for far too long so.....yea might as well do some errr what's it called again? Right right first person stream of consciousness writing or some shit like that. So without any further ado (or at least I hope not) here's a mind blowing account of what I've been up to and when I say mind blowing I mean your mind will explode from the sheer mundaneness of what I type here. Disappointing isn't it? Too bad.

Still working at Covent Garden Hotel so at least I have a somewhat stable source of income. Sweet sweet money ^^ The grumpy manager that's been there for 28+ years is mellowing out around me so that's pretty cool I suppose. Getting along with everyone with the exception of one.....errr won't mention the name but she's...how should I put it....bitchy and whiny. I'm really not looking forward to working with her again this week =/ In other news regarding work...I got one of my mates a job there =D He's only just started training there but he's doing alright =]

In other poorly phrased mundane news about me, I've started to cook more often. I'm thinking about at least cooking twice a week at home for friends and family instead of just randomly cooking when I feel like eating a certain dish. I'm selfish like that =P So this weeks menu will be.....drum roll anyone? Alright, alright I'll get to the point. Here's the damn menu =.=

Entree/Side Dish kind of thing: Wedges, Sour Cream and Sweet Chilli Sauce just because I'm too bloody lazy to make anything fancy as a side =/

Main Dishes: Spicy, Mexican-ish Shepherd's Pie and Spaghetti Bolognaise mainly because I can't be bothered buying too many types of ingredients so shut your pie hole right now....and I didn't mean to use the word pie....lame.

Dessert: Vanilla Ice Cream topped with Cointreau and fresh Berries =]

Good hearty meal with a sweet slightly alcoholic finish. Sounds like a plan. This brings me to something some of my friends have been saying....I would make an epic maid/butler. Great =.= Just because I can cook, make a helluva cocktail and clean among other things does NOT make me a maid! Just thinking about it makes me....well amused and disappointed in what feminism has wrought upon the world. Now how in the bloody world did I manage to make that connection? Oh right....Girls.

Yes you heard me right. Girls. At my tender age of 20 (give it a week alright?) I've noticed that girls my own age just can't look after themselves. Financially and domestically. It must be something to do with feminism. Bear with me while I go on this misguided rant that will probably offend many of the female sex whose culinary skills may or may not be considered hazardous materials that must be sterilised before attempting to consume without fear of death or food poisoning which may lead to serious internal haemorrhaging leading to death.

Yea yea....that MIGHT have been a gross exaggeration but hey a MAJORITY of the girls I know just can't bloody cook. I mean sure they can make scrambled eggs....instant noodles....errr microwavable food and ummm....I think that's it....no wait there's cup-a-soup. Yea I mean sure they can prepare all that and all but I'll be damned if I can find more than 20 girls my age within a 5 kilometre radius that can actually cook a proper meal. Maybe it isn't feminism but whatever...I'm pinning it on the movement that brought us "equal" rights. I'm not sexist. Let's get that fact out of the way. I'm only saying what I've personally seen and heard from the actions and words of the girls that I happen to know. Girls have every right a guy does and they should. BUT! Yes there is a "but" being used in capitals and no proceeding words and exclamation mark there instead, I noticed that before I typed it. Moving along and ignoring my extremely poor use of grammar and spelling...BUT! Girls have more "rights" than guys do. I'll just list a few to give you the gist of it. Errr.....summing it up in a few words is easier so I'll go with this: Girls expect gentlemanly conduct from guys at all times =.= There. That should do it.

What I mean by that is that we of the male species are expected to go above and beyond what we do for our male mates to those of the baffling female gender. Do you ever see the girls of the group shout everyone? I thought not. In some RARE cases you will but in most if not nearly all of the time it never happens. Why you ask? Well this brings me back to my shitty half baked thoughts that I put down before and if I didn't....well here it is: They are bloody spoilt. Now that I think about it...I didn't write that down before so errr.....yea....anyways....Spoilt. Yes. Spoilt. Mummy and Daddy never want their little girl to get their hands dirty so ummmm......fuck I just thought of a whole shitload of other girls I know that aren't =.= Great...ruined my whole point right there....sigh....Wait! Blah blah double standards and crap. Let's just go back to the whole shitty cooking theory and how femnism has SOMETHING to do with it.

So....Girls. With the rise of feminism, many girls have become inept at preparing food which is not already pre-prepared for consumption. Out of the kitchen and into the business world. Or so it seems. It's more like out of the kitchen and into the lounge room waiting to be fed by the guys instead. As girls only need to rely on physical attributes and not much else to attract the opposite sex, they need not polish their skills in any other field if they so choose. Us guys however have to rely on a myriad of ever changing skills and attributes which are a pain to obtain. Ghey....So in any case....Learning how to cook is for all intents and purposes of this random rant a way of surviving in the brutal world of attempting to attract a potential partner. You know what? Screw this post. I'm tired. I'm sore from playing squash too intensively. I came back from work only 3 hours ago and I have class in less than 6 hours. Just looked at the time. 5:30am =.= Fuck it.

I'm just gonna say "All animals are born equal. Some animals are born more equal than others" - Animal Farm

Figure out yourselves. You bloody well should be able to after all that crappy ranting that said almost the exact same thing. Good bloody morning to you all.

Devastating Revelations

Right. So what have I been doing with my life? Failed a few subjects in my course. Kept a job and am looking at a promotion (whee?). Pissed off a fair few people. Got bitch slapped by a stinging rebuke. Damn. That was quick. And short =/ Shit. Errr....well might as well go on and explain the last couple of things since that's more likely to get someone to laugh at my stupidity or pity me forever more. Alternatively you could just not give a shit. That's more likely =]

I talk too much about work, I'm overconfident, I don't know when to be modest, I don't know how to take a compliment, I overreact over the slightest things just for kicks. In other words (her words really): I am an egotistical drama queen. Somehow I thought I would've had more words.....hmmm after effects of being told something I might have been aware of but twice as painful because it's true and from someone I actually give a shit about. No that wasn't from my sis although she reminds me of the fact a fair amount but not in those words =/ 

So I like to talk about what I do....isn't that natural? But I take it too far. That's a given. But fuck....it's not I'm INTENTIONALLY trying to show off or be an ass. Ugh. I know now that my ego has been a sort of barrier against many things like fatigue, stress and apathy. Now that it's deflated and I see myself for what some others see me as I feel as if I've been covering the cracks in myself with paper. Time to ram it full of concrete instead.

Maybe I'll fill my mouth with it while I'm at it.

Contentment is stagnation

It's been.....Hell I don't know when I last attempted to blog so I'll try and make up for lost time by rambling on and on excessively. Let's see...What's changed since I last wrote something here? Hmmm...Well the first thing that pops to mind would be my new job =D I can't believe I took time to think about that hahaha.....Shut up I haven't slept since waking up the day before after working for 3 days straight with minimal sleep alright?! >< Anyways, new job, lack of sleep, attempting to attempt completing my crappy diploma of business, less sleep, loss of weight (HOW!?!? I eat like 4x the normal amount!!), realisation I might have ADHD (I checked the symptoms recently and I fit the descriptions exactly.....Strange...I'll go into this later =]), broken promises, shattered hearts (pfft I'm obviously immune to this.....not .='[ ), misguided thoughts and an increase in my overall lack of sanity. Sounds about right ^^; Let's get on with this shit excuse for....Errrr shit! ....Come on at least shit is useful in fertilising other shit, all my blog does is....Shit on itself? =S

So yea...In case you didn't know, I love money. I'm mercenary. Incredibly mercenary. I would sell my brother for money.....Wait.....Anyone who's met my brother would sell him if he was their sibling....Wait wait hold on that's wrong....Anyone who's met my brother would PAY to get rid of him. Let's not linger on my perceived hatred of my younger fatter hypocritical and extremely likely closet homosexual sibling simply because I won't shut up if I talk about him any longer than.....Fuck it wasn't necessary to begin with. ANYWAYS I have a new job. It pays awesome sauce. By awesome sauce I mean above minimum wage by a fair fuckload =D $15/hr is the minimum wage here in Australia. I get 24 fucking dollars an hour xD What do I do at my job you ask? Pfft as if you didn't know I'm almost obsessed with bartending =.=

So yea, I work at a pub called Covent Garden Hotel. The people are nice, the pub is clean, the beer is always available (unlike some OTHER bar I would mention....), the patrons/customers fairly amiable BUT (yes, there's ALWAYS going to be a "BUT" in any sentence jackass =P) the tips are fairly shit. Yes, you heard me. Despite me getting a sexy rate at 19 years of age I still whinge about how much I get tipped....Well shut the fuck up, I like my money more than I care for your opinion =P In any case, I like the place despite how eccentric some of my female coworkers are...Thanks for the advice Alice....I really needed to know that I shouldn't in your words "Go for the boobies!". Pure poetry =.=

Errr....Yea before getting sidetracked I was errr....ummm....yea.....explaining why I like my job ^^ I get shifts, I get paid, my rate is awesome sauce (it pisses awesome over nearly all my mate's pays =D) and I feel appreciated =] Before I got this job, I assumed all bartenders were competent with cocktails....I was wrong. Pubs don't need em...or so they think =P I got this job thanks in part to my knowledge of cocktails and the manager's current idea of implementing a cocktail menu =D So yea...I'm like the go to guy for cocktails at the bar hahahah. Awesome. I was even asked for my input for the cocktail list =D Damn I feel part of something again...Let's hope I don't screw it up ^^; Still...It feels a bit weird whenever someone orders a shot or cocktail and all the staff instantly look at me....Flattering yea but it's still a bit awkward. I mean I'm the youngest guy there, I'm not used to having more experience than people 5-15 years older than me o__O On the bright side of things...I get massively tipped for cocktails when the rare order comes through =D Shots I don't get tipped much for unfortunately...But cocktails...Oh sweet fucking [insert preferred deity]! Like the guy who ordered Long Island Ice Teas from me for his "friend" because it was HER favourite drink....looked more like a date to me =P So yea, he most likely wanted to impress his date and wanted something she liked. I didn't know about the gal til I went for a smoke break and saw him with his pretty gal =O Errr....sidetracked again zzzz.....Where was I? Right, the tip. So he ordered the Long Islands for himself and his bonnie lass and I charge him $18 simply because we don't have a cocktail button installed (and I cbf'd pressing house spirit 4 times but I do that now for cocktails cuz I don't wanna get fucked over....). So he gives me a $50 note and tells me to keep the change. What. The. Fuck? $32? EH!? WHA!? REALLY?! WHY!?! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL! o__O Errr yea....That kinda knocked me off balance >< Totally didn't expect such a big tip. I'm used to getting $10 MAX for a cocktail tip....It only made sense when I noticed the gender of his so called "friend" ;)

Well I might as well be constructive after that bit of random rambling/recounting so I'll type out the cocktail and shooter list complete with instructions! I really can't be fucked to find pictures to accompany them so go find some on google yourself you lazy bastard =P

Please note: The amount specified is MY recipe not the pub's....something about not having more than 60mL in each drink....zzz

Vanilla Caprioska (WAIT I DID THIS BEFORE DIDN'T I!??! Ahhh w/e it was ages ago...I'll do this one the pub's way.....even though I suggested the recipe and modified it to fit in the shitty 60mL limit)

45mL Vodka (Preferably vanilla flavoured but the pub doesn't have it =[ )

15mL Galliano Vanilla 

4 Wedges of Lime (I use a third to almost half a lime =P)

1-2 Tsp Sugar or 10mL Sugar Syrup

Muddle Lime and sugar/syrup in the shaker. Fill with Ice. Add liquor. Shake until shaker is bitingly cold (about 15-20 seconds should do it). Pour all contents into a highball glass (Yes that includes the lime and ice =.=). Garnish with well...fuck it doesn't need it but you can chuck in some maraschino cherries simply because they're awesome =D

Daquiri (Easily modified just like the caprioska. Great variations available just by adding a different liquor and the corresponding fruit =])

60mL Rum (45mL if adding flavours. 15mL of flavoured liquor and about 2 spoonfuls of w/e corresponding fruit)

4 Lime wedges

10mL Sugar Syrup

Soda Water

Muddle Lime and Sugar/Syrup in shaker. Fill with Ice. Add Liquor. Shake til bitingly cold. Strain into a cocktail glass (personally I double/triple strain to get rid of those tiny bits of lime floating around for aesthetics =P). Top with soda water. 

To add flavours: Add fruit to the muddle. Like for a Berry Daquiri, get some berries (raspberries or blackberries or even blueberries....mmmm blueberries....) and add it to the muddle (in other words squashing the living shit out of it to get juices =D). Add berry liqueur after adding ice (something like chambord or blueberry liqueur is just what you need =]). 

I think I'm getting lazy.....argh I'll keep going for the sake of making this post extremely fucking long =D Oh yea...If the shots add up to 60mL, I got lazy and abided by the pub recipes =/

Margarita

45mL Tequila

15mL Cointreau

30mL Lime Juice

Chill the cocktail glass. Fill the shaker with ice. Add all liquids (I'm lazy so shut up I already know it). Shake til the shaker freezes your hand or has a frosty look to it. Rub a slice of lime around the rim of the cocktail glass. Now invert the glass and dip the rim into some salt but not too fucking much. Put the glass upright you idiot and strain the drink into the cocktail glass =P Done.

Cbf with the cosmopolitan. Same shit as margarita. Don't salt rim. Replace tequila with Vodka. Reduce Lime to 15 mL and add 30mL cranberry Juice. Garnish with a wedge of lime. Enjoy =P

Long Island/Beach Ice Tea (The best damn tea you'll ever have. Too bad you can't drink alot of these =[)

15mL Vodka

15mL Cointreau

15mL Gin

15mL Rum

15mL Tequila

30mL Lemon Juice

10mL Sugar Syrup

Coke for Long Island Ice Tea or Cranberry Juice for a Long Beach Ice Tea

Fill shaker with Ice. Add alcohol, sugar syrup and lemon juice. Top with more ice cuz the ice will melt from the alcohol passing through. Shake that shit til it gets freezing =] Strain into a highball glass filled with ice. Top off with Coke for a Long Island or Cranberry Juice for a Long Beach.

Errr...forgot the rest of the cocktail list and I'll do the shots some other time....Damn I'm lazy =/

So yea I think I have ADHD. Check the symptoms. I have them all =/ I never would have guessed. I think it's because of that Hyper concentration trait inherent in all people with ADHD. I have an EXTREME amount of concentration when I'm reading and get into a book WAY too easily so that kind of prevents me from going all stereotypical ADHD on people. But I do exhibit symptoms. Severe restlessness, doing inappropriate things randomly in situations that require serious behaviour, running around for no reason and climbing things randomly, easily distracted, forgetting things easily, etc etc. Weird. My mind does run constantly though even if I look like I'm completely shitted and out of it. Yea...it would explain a lot =/

Anyways....1-2 hours spent on this shitty thing so I'm gonna nap for a few hours and hope my electronic cigarettes have arrived from the US.

Don't get close to me, I'll just disappoint you

Once upon a time I was incredibly socially inept. I did not know what to say or who to say things to. I thought I had grown, matured, learned new things...But it seems that I am still the same retarded person I was back then. I still don't know when to keep my mouth shut. I still don't know when to say something...I haven't learnt anything at all. I'm still a disappointment to many and will most likely continue to be one to many more....Well this proves a fairly large amount of people right. I can't keep promises...To myself or other people. Just punch me in the face if it makes you feel any better. Or ignore me. I'll cope. I'm not that brittle. Sure I'll sprout waterfalls under my eyes but that needn't concern you or anyone else for that matter. I make mistakes. I'M SUPPOSED TO FUCKING LEARN FROM THOSE DAMN MISTAKES. But bloody hell....I sure take a long time to learn even the simplest things...unless there's money involved....

Well now. I've just gathered my thoughts and pulled through my self defeatist attitude and have come to terms with yet another excruciating loss. Unfortunately, this just shows how easily I get over things. I failed, I messed up, w/e, I move on. I'm tired of the whole process. Obviously I fuck up way too often so now I'm a callous wretch. If I'm to be cut off. I'll fall away quickly and roll away from where I'm being cut from. My grieving process is incredibly quick for some odd reason. Maybe because I was a bullied kid who had the nerve to stand up to people. Maybe it's cuz of what I've been through over the last 4 years but there is no way in hell I'm gonna dwell on things that will no longer be relevant. 

My stages of grieving: 1. Denial 2.Bargaining 3. Depression 4. Acceptance 5. Anger at acceptance followed by just Anger then plain old Acceptance. This process takes between 2-5 hours for me. Strange. I must be extremely insensitive. 

Enough boring whoever is reading this. I'm not going to spend another hour or so telling you how screwed up I am cuz you can see that already. So let's get on with my gratuitous self inflating monologue shall we? After I'm done, you're sure to hate me if you don't already! (No sarcasm intended)

Well I've finally landed a STABLE job and it makes me glow a bit on the inside every time I think about this single achievement. A smallish pub on the corner of chinatown filled with white folk. I get a minimum of one shift a week and the pay is decent. $20.04/hr on week days, $24.05 on Saturdays, $28.05 on Sundays and $44.08 on public holidays. Not too shabby. Since I work on Saturday most of the time I get roughly $200 for  my night shift. So yea....Loving it =]

With the job, I can afford to pay off my debts and shit like that. =D Another plus is that I finally got myself to get gym membership =D For a fucking low rate! AHAHAHAHAHA Asian stubborn cheapness is awesome when utilised for contracts ^^ So it'll cost me less than a grand a year to keep my membership =P

Playing squash every monday. Gym right after. Study on tuesdays. Class all of wednesday. Gym and study on thursday. Recreation and possibly work on friday. Work on saturdays and gym if I don't have work the day before. Rest on sundays. That sounds pretty balanced =]

Fuck I can't be fucked writing anymore. I'll do proper post in the weeks to come. That is if I don't get shot or something like that. I won't change the title I put there in the beginning of this post simply because I believe that to be true. But here are some last words. I will not bow (to everyone), I will not break (for long) and I bloody well will get back on my feet if I get pushed down.

Ignore me but make it clear you're gonna ignore me. Once I'm done. I'm moving on. Goodbye and thanks for all the fish.

Inane ramblings: Part 7

Woo Hoo! Back from the capital city of australia! Canberra btw is a mega awesome place compared to sydney and here's my shitty personal reasons why!

1. The people are nicer! People aren't so uptight and are willing to start a conversation on the street. Sydney is like....zzz ignore ignore ignore [insert a "I'm too good for you" look] and complaining kind of place. Loosen up people!

2. Ummmm....the atmosphere, it's so much more laid back and relaxed, no one seems to be in that much of a rush in canberra =D

3. Errr....fuck I've actually forgotten the rest zzz.... forget it. All you need to know is that canberra is awesome =]

Damn, had a really awesome time at canberra. Sean, Jizzy, Ushan (if you're reading this....this ain't a basketball court mate, it's my blog =P) and I went to canberra to celebrate Alisson's (Sean's girlfriend =]) birthday over the weekend. Can't say I didn't love it there cuz to be completely honest, I enjoyed nearly every damn moment ^^

Well we got to canberra at around 4pm EST saturday, 26/06 and we had a nice bacon and errrr....spinach cream sauce and pasta cooked by Alisson for lunch. Too bad Izzy couldn't eat it...religious reasons -sigh- it was pretty good =] So yea... after dumping our shit at Frank n Sam's apartment we went to shop for our dinner ingredients for Alisson's bday dinner.

Here's the menu:

Chicken Con Carne

Serves 4 (We should've doubled the ingredients, this turned out better than we thought it would =D)

60mL Olive Oil

500g Chicken Mince

2 Small Onions

1 Green Capsicum

1 can Peeled Tomatoes

1 can Red Kidney Beans

1 clove Garlic, crushed

1 tbs Tomato Paste

1/4 cup Wine (optional....hehehe...added it just for kicks xD)

2 tsp Chilli Powder

Beef Bou-something has gnogn or someshit in the spelling. Don't ask me, I don't speak french =.=

Serves 6

60-100mL Vegetable Oil

1kg Beef Chuck Steak

10 Baby Onions

400g Button Mushrooms

250mL Beef Stock

250mL Dry Red Wine (fuck it we used about half a litre xD)

1/4 cup Flour

2 Bay Leaves

2tbs Oregano

CRACKED BLACK PEPPERCORNS!!! (Not in this recipe BUT IT WAS AWESOME!!)

3 rashers Bacon (we didn't use this, Izzy is halal so yea....)

A shitload of salt if you're not using the bacon

Chocolate Mousse

Serves 2 (We made enough for like 10-15 people =P)

100g dark chocolate

1 egg

125 mL thick cream

2tsp caster sugar

Yea....it all turned out pretty damn awesome. I really can't be bothered writing down the recipes right now so if you want the instructions you can email me or leave me a comment with your email address attached =P

Cocktail/Drink menu =D

Tequila Sunrise

Half cup Ice

45 mL Tequila

Almost fill with OJ

Dash of Raspberry Cordial

Supposed to serve just one....but...after the bottle dropped down to just a third...HELLO BOTTLE OF EXTRA STRENGTH TEQUILA SUNRISE!! xD

2 x 1L Bottle of Wet Pussy Shots (With substitutions cuz....SOMEBODY didn't buy cranberry juice =.=)

20-30 shots....(10 if you manage to take the bottle away from Ushan)

350mL Vodka

350mL Peach Schnapps

200mL Apple Cranberry Juice (I feel like a failure using this...)

Half a Lemon and Lime (For that extra citrus kick ^^)

Special Birthday Sex on the Beach Variation! (This is like...definitely not made in bars cuz you totally would be fined for the excessive amount of alcohol in it hahahaha....><)

Serves uhhh....ummm....in this case I'll say just ONE =P

Grab a bottle...some kind of water bottle, like those sports water bottles with that pop up lid. Chuck in around 8 large ice cubes.

Pour in 4 seconds worth of Malibu or if you're measuring.....around 2-4 shots

45 or so mL of Vodka

Almost fill with Orange Mango Juice (Supposed to be pineapple juice...but again...SOMEONE didn't buy any =.=)

Dash of Raspberry Cordial (WHY DIDN'T ANYONE BUY ANY CRANBERRY JUICE!?!?!)

Throw bottle into the air and watch them scramble for it~! Just kidding =P

Completely Retarded Kiwi & Rum Slushee~ (I'd say it's similar to a Daquiri)

Serves ???? o___O <

The ingredients are kinda vague to me...I did this while recovering from clubbing that night so...here's a rough guess of what I put in hahaha

6-8 Cups of Ice

1 Chopped Kiwi Fruit (I'm surprised I didn't cut myself ^^;)

1 Lime,- Skin Removed

Quarter bottle of Rum

Errrr....about ¼ cup of sugar? ><

Yea....that one is really vague in my memory...I have no idea why I made that in -3 degree weather...Good idea Bill...making yourself colder when you're pretty fucking cold in the first place >.>

Ugh...I can't remember what I was going to write thanks to my idiot of a brother who pulled my net out while I was typing this out...about a week ago =.= With my shitty capped net I can barely access my blog...Oh wells at least I made some cash off the FIFA World Cup xD

Anyways I really can't be fucked writing anything in any sort of coherent manner so I'll just ramble on and finish in a lil bit. I've been listening to Jet a lot lately, their songs are just so catchy =P DON'T JUDGE ME!!! 1 week after Canberra and I feel kinda iffy, I don't think I'm ok physically...My skin is completely fucked now >< To be fair it was never great to begin with so no real loss there...still it's making me feel like shit, I'll go to the doc's on thursday for a check up =/

Hmm...I'm really envying couples these past few days -sigh- I've been single for what? 19 and a half fucking years. Ugh. I can't be fucked elaborating. It's pointless. Not a single girl is interested. The only time I get their attention is when I'm making drinks or cooking. After that....fucking hell... I feel like a used tool zzzz. And yes I'm rolling my eyes as I'm typing this shit excuse for a blog right now, occasionally doing some curls with my left arm while typing or smoking. Yea....I'm pretty fucking bored....that and I don't have a fucking heater =.= The curls heat my body up and the smoking does that to a certain extent so yea...I feel like a lunatic who won't stop rolling his eyes at his own thoughts. Wow so much for finishing in a lil bit...This is just like a bloody stream of consciousness kind of thing...I think.

Oh yea! Apparently I have a repressed side that'll show itself when I'm in a place where I hardly know anyone =P Tyvm Sam...I really needed to know that...not. Still that's kinda interesting =] Like I'm kind of unsure of how I behave. I know I'm a fucking extrovert a majority of the time...especially in larger groups but for some fucking uncontrollable reason I become withdrawn and quiet when I'm alone with someone. There's so many things I want to say but I don't dare speak it out loud. So many things I want to let you know but I'm scared of how you'll take it...I can't even type up what I want to say just because I'm a too bloody scared of losing contact. Fuck I'm a bloody coward. Time and time again I've been told by many a close friend to fucking man the fuck up and do it already but alas...I am a mere boy unskilled in the arts of errrr....just realised what I was about to type. Fuck.....I'm a fucking coward. I can be myself around everyone except for one person....DAMN IT!

I think I'll just mope for just a little bit.

On another note, I can't look at white Sambuca without feeling sick...I drank so much of that shit that I filled up an entire sink and passed out soon after. Goon and Sambuca do NOT mix well.

This blog post has turned into a cesspit of despair and self pity from an overly happy post of excitement and rejuvenation. How things change in such a short period of time. I'm sure you can spot the transition. Self pity is the stupidest thing I can do to myself and here I am doing just that. Well fuck it. I'm going to have a fucking shower, exercise then make myself feel like less of a failure.

“I don't know anymore, what I need and what for

All I know is there must be something more”

~ La Di Da– Jet