It's a vicious cycle

Next year will be different....I swear I'll....These are the most common things you'll hear around this time of year apart from the sporadic greetings of "Merry Christmas" and I can relate to that. Everyone wants their future to be bright and filled with dreams instead of fear and despair. Personally I've had a rough year but I've pulled through pretty damn well, bouncing back from most issues relatively quickly =]

Most of us will make a New Years Resolution, I'm no exception to this but I am however, tempted to make a New Years Resolution like this: 

~Drink more 

~Smoke more

~Exercise less

~Be a jerk more 

That way I can only feel better about myself if I fail to do any of the above =P

But I'll make a proper one....so I can make myself miserable and have all that shit self pity this time next year. That and I can have a few goals to accomplish while I'm at it.

*****New Years Resolution*****

***Hopefully Realistic***

Be more sensitive and considerate

Manage/Organise myself better

Move out

Save more than $4000 before July

Think things through more before taking action

Pick up a new set of skills

Get a few more qualifications

Go overseas for at least 2 weeks

Plan more events

Balance my life a little better

Offend people less

Have a fantasy burrito

Waste less time

Hmmm I tried to make that list as realistic as possible but some of that just makes me think otherwise.... Never mind. It's all good. If I fail this list....well errr...shut up. In any case, this is the time of year people take it upon themselves to self analyse and reminisce about things long lost and forgotten, things that once made you laugh but now make you cry. Things that brought you warmth which now freeze you deep inside. Thoughts like these that cause break ups and other misfortunes all around the world. But it's just a vicious cycle that repeats itself every year....So quit moping and just look forward to the New Year. Things will change....just not in the way you thought it would.

Merry Christmas, have a safe and enjoyable holidays where ever you are. May the New Year bring you many more dreams and possibilities.

I am not a maid damnit!

I've been neglecting this for far too long so.....yea might as well do some errr what's it called again? Right right first person stream of consciousness writing or some shit like that. So without any further ado (or at least I hope not) here's a mind blowing account of what I've been up to and when I say mind blowing I mean your mind will explode from the sheer mundaneness of what I type here. Disappointing isn't it? Too bad.

Still working at Covent Garden Hotel so at least I have a somewhat stable source of income. Sweet sweet money ^^ The grumpy manager that's been there for 28+ years is mellowing out around me so that's pretty cool I suppose. Getting along with everyone with the exception of one.....errr won't mention the name but she's...how should I put it....bitchy and whiny. I'm really not looking forward to working with her again this week =/ In other news regarding work...I got one of my mates a job there =D He's only just started training there but he's doing alright =]

In other poorly phrased mundane news about me, I've started to cook more often. I'm thinking about at least cooking twice a week at home for friends and family instead of just randomly cooking when I feel like eating a certain dish. I'm selfish like that =P So this weeks menu will be.....drum roll anyone? Alright, alright I'll get to the point. Here's the damn menu =.=

Entree/Side Dish kind of thing: Wedges, Sour Cream and Sweet Chilli Sauce just because I'm too bloody lazy to make anything fancy as a side =/

Main Dishes: Spicy, Mexican-ish Shepherd's Pie and Spaghetti Bolognaise mainly because I can't be bothered buying too many types of ingredients so shut your pie hole right now....and I didn't mean to use the word pie....lame.

Dessert: Vanilla Ice Cream topped with Cointreau and fresh Berries =]

Good hearty meal with a sweet slightly alcoholic finish. Sounds like a plan. This brings me to something some of my friends have been saying....I would make an epic maid/butler. Great =.= Just because I can cook, make a helluva cocktail and clean among other things does NOT make me a maid! Just thinking about it makes me....well amused and disappointed in what feminism has wrought upon the world. Now how in the bloody world did I manage to make that connection? Oh right....Girls.

Yes you heard me right. Girls. At my tender age of 20 (give it a week alright?) I've noticed that girls my own age just can't look after themselves. Financially and domestically. It must be something to do with feminism. Bear with me while I go on this misguided rant that will probably offend many of the female sex whose culinary skills may or may not be considered hazardous materials that must be sterilised before attempting to consume without fear of death or food poisoning which may lead to serious internal haemorrhaging leading to death.

Yea yea....that MIGHT have been a gross exaggeration but hey a MAJORITY of the girls I know just can't bloody cook. I mean sure they can make scrambled eggs....instant noodles....errr microwavable food and ummm....I think that's it....no wait there's cup-a-soup. Yea I mean sure they can prepare all that and all but I'll be damned if I can find more than 20 girls my age within a 5 kilometre radius that can actually cook a proper meal. Maybe it isn't feminism but whatever...I'm pinning it on the movement that brought us "equal" rights. I'm not sexist. Let's get that fact out of the way. I'm only saying what I've personally seen and heard from the actions and words of the girls that I happen to know. Girls have every right a guy does and they should. BUT! Yes there is a "but" being used in capitals and no proceeding words and exclamation mark there instead, I noticed that before I typed it. Moving along and ignoring my extremely poor use of grammar and spelling...BUT! Girls have more "rights" than guys do. I'll just list a few to give you the gist of it. Errr.....summing it up in a few words is easier so I'll go with this: Girls expect gentlemanly conduct from guys at all times =.= There. That should do it.

What I mean by that is that we of the male species are expected to go above and beyond what we do for our male mates to those of the baffling female gender. Do you ever see the girls of the group shout everyone? I thought not. In some RARE cases you will but in most if not nearly all of the time it never happens. Why you ask? Well this brings me back to my shitty half baked thoughts that I put down before and if I didn't....well here it is: They are bloody spoilt. Now that I think about it...I didn't write that down before so errr.....yea....anyways....Spoilt. Yes. Spoilt. Mummy and Daddy never want their little girl to get their hands dirty so ummmm......fuck I just thought of a whole shitload of other girls I know that aren't =.= Great...ruined my whole point right there....sigh....Wait! Blah blah double standards and crap. Let's just go back to the whole shitty cooking theory and how femnism has SOMETHING to do with it.

So....Girls. With the rise of feminism, many girls have become inept at preparing food which is not already pre-prepared for consumption. Out of the kitchen and into the business world. Or so it seems. It's more like out of the kitchen and into the lounge room waiting to be fed by the guys instead. As girls only need to rely on physical attributes and not much else to attract the opposite sex, they need not polish their skills in any other field if they so choose. Us guys however have to rely on a myriad of ever changing skills and attributes which are a pain to obtain. Ghey....So in any case....Learning how to cook is for all intents and purposes of this random rant a way of surviving in the brutal world of attempting to attract a potential partner. You know what? Screw this post. I'm tired. I'm sore from playing squash too intensively. I came back from work only 3 hours ago and I have class in less than 6 hours. Just looked at the time. 5:30am =.= Fuck it.

I'm just gonna say "All animals are born equal. Some animals are born more equal than others" - Animal Farm

Figure out yourselves. You bloody well should be able to after all that crappy ranting that said almost the exact same thing. Good bloody morning to you all.

Devastating Revelations

Right. So what have I been doing with my life? Failed a few subjects in my course. Kept a job and am looking at a promotion (whee?). Pissed off a fair few people. Got bitch slapped by a stinging rebuke. Damn. That was quick. And short =/ Shit. Errr....well might as well go on and explain the last couple of things since that's more likely to get someone to laugh at my stupidity or pity me forever more. Alternatively you could just not give a shit. That's more likely =]

I talk too much about work, I'm overconfident, I don't know when to be modest, I don't know how to take a compliment, I overreact over the slightest things just for kicks. In other words (her words really): I am an egotistical drama queen. Somehow I thought I would've had more words.....hmmm after effects of being told something I might have been aware of but twice as painful because it's true and from someone I actually give a shit about. No that wasn't from my sis although she reminds me of the fact a fair amount but not in those words =/ 

So I like to talk about what I do....isn't that natural? But I take it too far. That's a given. But fuck....it's not I'm INTENTIONALLY trying to show off or be an ass. Ugh. I know now that my ego has been a sort of barrier against many things like fatigue, stress and apathy. Now that it's deflated and I see myself for what some others see me as I feel as if I've been covering the cracks in myself with paper. Time to ram it full of concrete instead.

Maybe I'll fill my mouth with it while I'm at it.

Contentment is stagnation

It's been.....Hell I don't know when I last attempted to blog so I'll try and make up for lost time by rambling on and on excessively. Let's see...What's changed since I last wrote something here? Hmmm...Well the first thing that pops to mind would be my new job =D I can't believe I took time to think about that hahaha.....Shut up I haven't slept since waking up the day before after working for 3 days straight with minimal sleep alright?! >< Anyways, new job, lack of sleep, attempting to attempt completing my crappy diploma of business, less sleep, loss of weight (HOW!?!? I eat like 4x the normal amount!!), realisation I might have ADHD (I checked the symptoms recently and I fit the descriptions exactly.....Strange...I'll go into this later =]), broken promises, shattered hearts (pfft I'm obviously immune to this.....not .='[ ), misguided thoughts and an increase in my overall lack of sanity. Sounds about right ^^; Let's get on with this shit excuse for....Errrr shit! ....Come on at least shit is useful in fertilising other shit, all my blog does is....Shit on itself? =S

So yea...In case you didn't know, I love money. I'm mercenary. Incredibly mercenary. I would sell my brother for money.....Wait.....Anyone who's met my brother would sell him if he was their sibling....Wait wait hold on that's wrong....Anyone who's met my brother would PAY to get rid of him. Let's not linger on my perceived hatred of my younger fatter hypocritical and extremely likely closet homosexual sibling simply because I won't shut up if I talk about him any longer than.....Fuck it wasn't necessary to begin with. ANYWAYS I have a new job. It pays awesome sauce. By awesome sauce I mean above minimum wage by a fair fuckload =D $15/hr is the minimum wage here in Australia. I get 24 fucking dollars an hour xD What do I do at my job you ask? Pfft as if you didn't know I'm almost obsessed with bartending =.=

So yea, I work at a pub called Covent Garden Hotel. The people are nice, the pub is clean, the beer is always available (unlike some OTHER bar I would mention....), the patrons/customers fairly amiable BUT (yes, there's ALWAYS going to be a "BUT" in any sentence jackass =P) the tips are fairly shit. Yes, you heard me. Despite me getting a sexy rate at 19 years of age I still whinge about how much I get tipped....Well shut the fuck up, I like my money more than I care for your opinion =P In any case, I like the place despite how eccentric some of my female coworkers are...Thanks for the advice Alice....I really needed to know that I shouldn't in your words "Go for the boobies!". Pure poetry =.=

Errr....Yea before getting sidetracked I was errr....ummm....yea.....explaining why I like my job ^^ I get shifts, I get paid, my rate is awesome sauce (it pisses awesome over nearly all my mate's pays =D) and I feel appreciated =] Before I got this job, I assumed all bartenders were competent with cocktails....I was wrong. Pubs don't need em...or so they think =P I got this job thanks in part to my knowledge of cocktails and the manager's current idea of implementing a cocktail menu =D So yea...I'm like the go to guy for cocktails at the bar hahahah. Awesome. I was even asked for my input for the cocktail list =D Damn I feel part of something again...Let's hope I don't screw it up ^^; Still...It feels a bit weird whenever someone orders a shot or cocktail and all the staff instantly look at me....Flattering yea but it's still a bit awkward. I mean I'm the youngest guy there, I'm not used to having more experience than people 5-15 years older than me o__O On the bright side of things...I get massively tipped for cocktails when the rare order comes through =D Shots I don't get tipped much for unfortunately...But cocktails...Oh sweet fucking [insert preferred deity]! Like the guy who ordered Long Island Ice Teas from me for his "friend" because it was HER favourite drink....looked more like a date to me =P So yea, he most likely wanted to impress his date and wanted something she liked. I didn't know about the gal til I went for a smoke break and saw him with his pretty gal =O Errr....sidetracked again zzzz.....Where was I? Right, the tip. So he ordered the Long Islands for himself and his bonnie lass and I charge him $18 simply because we don't have a cocktail button installed (and I cbf'd pressing house spirit 4 times but I do that now for cocktails cuz I don't wanna get fucked over....). So he gives me a $50 note and tells me to keep the change. What. The. Fuck? $32? EH!? WHA!? REALLY?! WHY!?! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FEEL! o__O Errr yea....That kinda knocked me off balance >< Totally didn't expect such a big tip. I'm used to getting $10 MAX for a cocktail tip....It only made sense when I noticed the gender of his so called "friend" ;)

Well I might as well be constructive after that bit of random rambling/recounting so I'll type out the cocktail and shooter list complete with instructions! I really can't be fucked to find pictures to accompany them so go find some on google yourself you lazy bastard =P

Please note: The amount specified is MY recipe not the pub's....something about not having more than 60mL in each drink....zzz

Vanilla Caprioska (WAIT I DID THIS BEFORE DIDN'T I!??! Ahhh w/e it was ages ago...I'll do this one the pub's way.....even though I suggested the recipe and modified it to fit in the shitty 60mL limit)

45mL Vodka (Preferably vanilla flavoured but the pub doesn't have it =[ )

15mL Galliano Vanilla 

4 Wedges of Lime (I use a third to almost half a lime =P)

1-2 Tsp Sugar or 10mL Sugar Syrup

Muddle Lime and sugar/syrup in the shaker. Fill with Ice. Add liquor. Shake until shaker is bitingly cold (about 15-20 seconds should do it). Pour all contents into a highball glass (Yes that includes the lime and ice =.=). Garnish with well...fuck it doesn't need it but you can chuck in some maraschino cherries simply because they're awesome =D

Daquiri (Easily modified just like the caprioska. Great variations available just by adding a different liquor and the corresponding fruit =])

60mL Rum (45mL if adding flavours. 15mL of flavoured liquor and about 2 spoonfuls of w/e corresponding fruit)

4 Lime wedges

10mL Sugar Syrup

Soda Water

Muddle Lime and Sugar/Syrup in shaker. Fill with Ice. Add Liquor. Shake til bitingly cold. Strain into a cocktail glass (personally I double/triple strain to get rid of those tiny bits of lime floating around for aesthetics =P). Top with soda water. 

To add flavours: Add fruit to the muddle. Like for a Berry Daquiri, get some berries (raspberries or blackberries or even blueberries....mmmm blueberries....) and add it to the muddle (in other words squashing the living shit out of it to get juices =D). Add berry liqueur after adding ice (something like chambord or blueberry liqueur is just what you need =]). 

I think I'm getting lazy.....argh I'll keep going for the sake of making this post extremely fucking long =D Oh yea...If the shots add up to 60mL, I got lazy and abided by the pub recipes =/

Margarita

45mL Tequila

15mL Cointreau

30mL Lime Juice

Chill the cocktail glass. Fill the shaker with ice. Add all liquids (I'm lazy so shut up I already know it). Shake til the shaker freezes your hand or has a frosty look to it. Rub a slice of lime around the rim of the cocktail glass. Now invert the glass and dip the rim into some salt but not too fucking much. Put the glass upright you idiot and strain the drink into the cocktail glass =P Done.

Cbf with the cosmopolitan. Same shit as margarita. Don't salt rim. Replace tequila with Vodka. Reduce Lime to 15 mL and add 30mL cranberry Juice. Garnish with a wedge of lime. Enjoy =P

Long Island/Beach Ice Tea (The best damn tea you'll ever have. Too bad you can't drink alot of these =[)

15mL Vodka

15mL Cointreau

15mL Gin

15mL Rum

15mL Tequila

30mL Lemon Juice

10mL Sugar Syrup

Coke for Long Island Ice Tea or Cranberry Juice for a Long Beach Ice Tea

Fill shaker with Ice. Add alcohol, sugar syrup and lemon juice. Top with more ice cuz the ice will melt from the alcohol passing through. Shake that shit til it gets freezing =] Strain into a highball glass filled with ice. Top off with Coke for a Long Island or Cranberry Juice for a Long Beach.

Errr...forgot the rest of the cocktail list and I'll do the shots some other time....Damn I'm lazy =/

So yea I think I have ADHD. Check the symptoms. I have them all =/ I never would have guessed. I think it's because of that Hyper concentration trait inherent in all people with ADHD. I have an EXTREME amount of concentration when I'm reading and get into a book WAY too easily so that kind of prevents me from going all stereotypical ADHD on people. But I do exhibit symptoms. Severe restlessness, doing inappropriate things randomly in situations that require serious behaviour, running around for no reason and climbing things randomly, easily distracted, forgetting things easily, etc etc. Weird. My mind does run constantly though even if I look like I'm completely shitted and out of it. Yea...it would explain a lot =/

Anyways....1-2 hours spent on this shitty thing so I'm gonna nap for a few hours and hope my electronic cigarettes have arrived from the US.

Don't get close to me, I'll just disappoint you

Once upon a time I was incredibly socially inept. I did not know what to say or who to say things to. I thought I had grown, matured, learned new things...But it seems that I am still the same retarded person I was back then. I still don't know when to keep my mouth shut. I still don't know when to say something...I haven't learnt anything at all. I'm still a disappointment to many and will most likely continue to be one to many more....Well this proves a fairly large amount of people right. I can't keep promises...To myself or other people. Just punch me in the face if it makes you feel any better. Or ignore me. I'll cope. I'm not that brittle. Sure I'll sprout waterfalls under my eyes but that needn't concern you or anyone else for that matter. I make mistakes. I'M SUPPOSED TO FUCKING LEARN FROM THOSE DAMN MISTAKES. But bloody hell....I sure take a long time to learn even the simplest things...unless there's money involved....

Well now. I've just gathered my thoughts and pulled through my self defeatist attitude and have come to terms with yet another excruciating loss. Unfortunately, this just shows how easily I get over things. I failed, I messed up, w/e, I move on. I'm tired of the whole process. Obviously I fuck up way too often so now I'm a callous wretch. If I'm to be cut off. I'll fall away quickly and roll away from where I'm being cut from. My grieving process is incredibly quick for some odd reason. Maybe because I was a bullied kid who had the nerve to stand up to people. Maybe it's cuz of what I've been through over the last 4 years but there is no way in hell I'm gonna dwell on things that will no longer be relevant. 

My stages of grieving: 1. Denial 2.Bargaining 3. Depression 4. Acceptance 5. Anger at acceptance followed by just Anger then plain old Acceptance. This process takes between 2-5 hours for me. Strange. I must be extremely insensitive. 

Enough boring whoever is reading this. I'm not going to spend another hour or so telling you how screwed up I am cuz you can see that already. So let's get on with my gratuitous self inflating monologue shall we? After I'm done, you're sure to hate me if you don't already! (No sarcasm intended)

Well I've finally landed a STABLE job and it makes me glow a bit on the inside every time I think about this single achievement. A smallish pub on the corner of chinatown filled with white folk. I get a minimum of one shift a week and the pay is decent. $20.04/hr on week days, $24.05 on Saturdays, $28.05 on Sundays and $44.08 on public holidays. Not too shabby. Since I work on Saturday most of the time I get roughly $200 for  my night shift. So yea....Loving it =]

With the job, I can afford to pay off my debts and shit like that. =D Another plus is that I finally got myself to get gym membership =D For a fucking low rate! AHAHAHAHAHA Asian stubborn cheapness is awesome when utilised for contracts ^^ So it'll cost me less than a grand a year to keep my membership =P

Playing squash every monday. Gym right after. Study on tuesdays. Class all of wednesday. Gym and study on thursday. Recreation and possibly work on friday. Work on saturdays and gym if I don't have work the day before. Rest on sundays. That sounds pretty balanced =]

Fuck I can't be fucked writing anymore. I'll do proper post in the weeks to come. That is if I don't get shot or something like that. I won't change the title I put there in the beginning of this post simply because I believe that to be true. But here are some last words. I will not bow (to everyone), I will not break (for long) and I bloody well will get back on my feet if I get pushed down.

Ignore me but make it clear you're gonna ignore me. Once I'm done. I'm moving on. Goodbye and thanks for all the fish.

Inane ramblings: Part 7

Woo Hoo! Back from the capital city of australia! Canberra btw is a mega awesome place compared to sydney and here's my shitty personal reasons why!

1. The people are nicer! People aren't so uptight and are willing to start a conversation on the street. Sydney is like....zzz ignore ignore ignore [insert a "I'm too good for you" look] and complaining kind of place. Loosen up people!

2. Ummmm....the atmosphere, it's so much more laid back and relaxed, no one seems to be in that much of a rush in canberra =D

3. Errr....fuck I've actually forgotten the rest zzz.... forget it. All you need to know is that canberra is awesome =]

Damn, had a really awesome time at canberra. Sean, Jizzy, Ushan (if you're reading this....this ain't a basketball court mate, it's my blog =P) and I went to canberra to celebrate Alisson's (Sean's girlfriend =]) birthday over the weekend. Can't say I didn't love it there cuz to be completely honest, I enjoyed nearly every damn moment ^^

Well we got to canberra at around 4pm EST saturday, 26/06 and we had a nice bacon and errrr....spinach cream sauce and pasta cooked by Alisson for lunch. Too bad Izzy couldn't eat it...religious reasons -sigh- it was pretty good =] So yea... after dumping our shit at Frank n Sam's apartment we went to shop for our dinner ingredients for Alisson's bday dinner.

Here's the menu:

Chicken Con Carne

Serves 4 (We should've doubled the ingredients, this turned out better than we thought it would =D)

60mL Olive Oil

500g Chicken Mince

2 Small Onions

1 Green Capsicum

1 can Peeled Tomatoes

1 can Red Kidney Beans

1 clove Garlic, crushed

1 tbs Tomato Paste

1/4 cup Wine (optional....hehehe...added it just for kicks xD)

2 tsp Chilli Powder

Beef Bou-something has gnogn or someshit in the spelling. Don't ask me, I don't speak french =.=

Serves 6

60-100mL Vegetable Oil

1kg Beef Chuck Steak

10 Baby Onions

400g Button Mushrooms

250mL Beef Stock

250mL Dry Red Wine (fuck it we used about half a litre xD)

1/4 cup Flour

2 Bay Leaves

2tbs Oregano

CRACKED BLACK PEPPERCORNS!!! (Not in this recipe BUT IT WAS AWESOME!!)

3 rashers Bacon (we didn't use this, Izzy is halal so yea....)

A shitload of salt if you're not using the bacon

Chocolate Mousse

Serves 2 (We made enough for like 10-15 people =P)

100g dark chocolate

1 egg

125 mL thick cream

2tsp caster sugar

Yea....it all turned out pretty damn awesome. I really can't be bothered writing down the recipes right now so if you want the instructions you can email me or leave me a comment with your email address attached =P

Cocktail/Drink menu =D

Tequila Sunrise

Half cup Ice

45 mL Tequila

Almost fill with OJ

Dash of Raspberry Cordial

Supposed to serve just one....but...after the bottle dropped down to just a third...HELLO BOTTLE OF EXTRA STRENGTH TEQUILA SUNRISE!! xD

2 x 1L Bottle of Wet Pussy Shots (With substitutions cuz....SOMEBODY didn't buy cranberry juice =.=)

20-30 shots....(10 if you manage to take the bottle away from Ushan)

350mL Vodka

350mL Peach Schnapps

200mL Apple Cranberry Juice (I feel like a failure using this...)

Half a Lemon and Lime (For that extra citrus kick ^^)

Special Birthday Sex on the Beach Variation! (This is like...definitely not made in bars cuz you totally would be fined for the excessive amount of alcohol in it hahahaha....><)

Serves uhhh....ummm....in this case I'll say just ONE =P

Grab a bottle...some kind of water bottle, like those sports water bottles with that pop up lid. Chuck in around 8 large ice cubes.

Pour in 4 seconds worth of Malibu or if you're measuring.....around 2-4 shots

45 or so mL of Vodka

Almost fill with Orange Mango Juice (Supposed to be pineapple juice...but again...SOMEONE didn't buy any =.=)

Dash of Raspberry Cordial (WHY DIDN'T ANYONE BUY ANY CRANBERRY JUICE!?!?!)

Throw bottle into the air and watch them scramble for it~! Just kidding =P

Completely Retarded Kiwi & Rum Slushee~ (I'd say it's similar to a Daquiri)

Serves ???? o___O <

The ingredients are kinda vague to me...I did this while recovering from clubbing that night so...here's a rough guess of what I put in hahaha

6-8 Cups of Ice

1 Chopped Kiwi Fruit (I'm surprised I didn't cut myself ^^;)

1 Lime,- Skin Removed

Quarter bottle of Rum

Errrr....about ¼ cup of sugar? ><

Yea....that one is really vague in my memory...I have no idea why I made that in -3 degree weather...Good idea Bill...making yourself colder when you're pretty fucking cold in the first place >.>

Ugh...I can't remember what I was going to write thanks to my idiot of a brother who pulled my net out while I was typing this out...about a week ago =.= With my shitty capped net I can barely access my blog...Oh wells at least I made some cash off the FIFA World Cup xD

Anyways I really can't be fucked writing anything in any sort of coherent manner so I'll just ramble on and finish in a lil bit. I've been listening to Jet a lot lately, their songs are just so catchy =P DON'T JUDGE ME!!! 1 week after Canberra and I feel kinda iffy, I don't think I'm ok physically...My skin is completely fucked now >< To be fair it was never great to begin with so no real loss there...still it's making me feel like shit, I'll go to the doc's on thursday for a check up =/

Hmm...I'm really envying couples these past few days -sigh- I've been single for what? 19 and a half fucking years. Ugh. I can't be fucked elaborating. It's pointless. Not a single girl is interested. The only time I get their attention is when I'm making drinks or cooking. After that....fucking hell... I feel like a used tool zzzz. And yes I'm rolling my eyes as I'm typing this shit excuse for a blog right now, occasionally doing some curls with my left arm while typing or smoking. Yea....I'm pretty fucking bored....that and I don't have a fucking heater =.= The curls heat my body up and the smoking does that to a certain extent so yea...I feel like a lunatic who won't stop rolling his eyes at his own thoughts. Wow so much for finishing in a lil bit...This is just like a bloody stream of consciousness kind of thing...I think.

Oh yea! Apparently I have a repressed side that'll show itself when I'm in a place where I hardly know anyone =P Tyvm Sam...I really needed to know that...not. Still that's kinda interesting =] Like I'm kind of unsure of how I behave. I know I'm a fucking extrovert a majority of the time...especially in larger groups but for some fucking uncontrollable reason I become withdrawn and quiet when I'm alone with someone. There's so many things I want to say but I don't dare speak it out loud. So many things I want to let you know but I'm scared of how you'll take it...I can't even type up what I want to say just because I'm a too bloody scared of losing contact. Fuck I'm a bloody coward. Time and time again I've been told by many a close friend to fucking man the fuck up and do it already but alas...I am a mere boy unskilled in the arts of errrr....just realised what I was about to type. Fuck.....I'm a fucking coward. I can be myself around everyone except for one person....DAMN IT!

I think I'll just mope for just a little bit.

On another note, I can't look at white Sambuca without feeling sick...I drank so much of that shit that I filled up an entire sink and passed out soon after. Goon and Sambuca do NOT mix well.

This blog post has turned into a cesspit of despair and self pity from an overly happy post of excitement and rejuvenation. How things change in such a short period of time. I'm sure you can spot the transition. Self pity is the stupidest thing I can do to myself and here I am doing just that. Well fuck it. I'm going to have a fucking shower, exercise then make myself feel like less of a failure.

“I don't know anymore, what I need and what for

All I know is there must be something more”

~ La Di Da– Jet  

Inane ramblings: Part 6

Well..I'm going back to work at maccas. Yea....Say what you will. I'm ramming my pride down my throat and doing what needs to be done. I'm strapped for cash. Really strapped for cash. I'm not going to rely on the government or my parents to support me. I'm too stubborn to rely on someone else to do everything for me.

Well....this is pretty fucked up. It's back to being McBill again. Never thought that would happen....oh wells. Shit happens. Hope this is for the best.

Wish me luck in finding another job soon!

Alternatively, you could help me find a decent paying stable job =]

Inane ramblings: Part 5

I really can't be bothered with the title for some reason. I must be getting lazy....wait that's not news at all, I've always been lazy >< Anyways, I've made a few life choices recently on my personal beliefs and philosophy. One of these choices is not to continue studying at insearch. I really don't seem to see the point of going there at this point in time. I do nothing but laze around and cram at the end of the semester. It's not like I'm learning alot there so yea...I'm going to the institute of commercial management for an events management training course/diploma with real hands on experience. I might regret it in the future but hey it's my life, my choice and possibly my mistake....but it's MY CHOICE and no one else's. If it's a mistake I'll learn something from it, if it's a good decision then hell yea I've done right by me but in either case it'll be me who benefits or loses out.

I'm more than willing to take advice or suggestions but in the end, it's all up to me, I'm no ones play thing to be tossed around and led into paths that aren't my choice..I ain't a fucking drone. Sure I fuck up but no ones perfect and I think I'm repeating myself hahaha oh well at least it's my mistake =P I don't believe in fate or destiny even though life does throw in a few things that might seem like it but yea life is what YOU make it not what someone else makes it, it's ultimately up to YOU to lead your life. Why bother believing that someone is leading your life for you? I mean wouldn't that defeat the whole purpose of living? You make choices, some good some bad and some that are fucked up beyond belief but what ever choice YOU make it'll be YOUR choice and that's what counts ^^

Here's something that just occurred to me...if the proposed internet filter actually get implemented my blog might be one of the blacklisted sites because of government dissent hahaha. Kinda of sad if you think about it =P It'll give me a ego boost if it does though hahaha.

Hmmmm you know....some religions actually make some sort of sense...in theory that is. I was having a discussion with some mates of mine and one of them mentioned one that was about morphic fields? I think that' what it was called but morphic fields are errr....a group consciousness kind of thing that people can tap into and grow together. I like that concept mainly because understanding others would be simplified if morphic fields existed and conflicts wouldn't be such a common occurrence. That reminds me, a few anime series have something similar but with cybernetics and such instead but the concept is pretty similar. Ghost in the Shell is a classic example, can't be bothered going to specifics cuz I've been told my blog posts go for way too long hahaha. Let's see....Real Drive, Gundam 00, Neon Genesis Evangelion (in the human instrumentality plan)....what else...a few shows with telepathy I suppose =/

Ahhhh....I'm feeling restless and somewhat sleepy....fuck it's only 4:30 pm =.= I must be getting old..........or insane. Ah screw it, insanity is sanity and sanity is most definitely a form of insanity. The mundane must have a disease of being normal...life must be dull for them I suppose but then again I'm slightly insane. Rest assured, I will not be the face outside your window =P

Inane ramblings: Part 4

Well well well, it's a new money....I mean new month filled with money sorry, many opportunities for the common job seeker and uni student. Good news! I have a new job! But...will it last? =/ Anyways, it's the beginning of another month and almost end of financial year so yea it's time for all those slackers out there to look for a job right now. IT'S END OF FINANCIAL YEAR FFS! This is the time of year when employers are looking for new employees...errr...more specifically mid june to early july. It's cuz alot of people leave their jobs right around this time of year....dunno why maybe cuz it's winter and it's summer overseas o__O But yea now is the time to get a job, or at least attempting to...

Anyways here's a few tips for anyone with very little experience looking for a job...trust me you'll want these =]

1. ALWAYS TALK TO THE MANAGER!! Don't even bother with asking an employee for a job, when you find a place you want to work at, ask for a manager (or licensee if it's a licensed venue, usually one and the same though) and ask the MANAGER if they are hiring. NOT the employee. The MANAGER.

And this is why: The employee could lose your resume, shred it, throw it away, forget about it chuck it on some pile or even eat it...cmon some people eat paper alright? Continuing on...The manager has no fucking clue to who the fuck YOU are if you don't meet them in person, it's kinda like ordering some random foreign food off a menu without pictures or descriptions....You don't know what you're getting. Talking to the manager also helps cuz it's almost like an informal interview =] They ask about you, get to know you a bit and yea....you're better off than the guy who just dropped off his resume w/o thinking about it.

2. DON'T WASTE RESUMES/PAPER! Printing off a shitload of resumes can be a good idea....IF you have no idea where the hell you wanna work. But if you're talking to the managers instead of the staff, you'll know if they're interested or not. If they're not interested then forget giving them a resume, it'll save you shitloads of money in the long run. When you've applied for over 15 jobs in one day for an extended amount of time, you'll know what I mean...


3. DON'T BE TOO FUCKING PICKY!! Unless of course you already have experience....1 week of work experience in high school does NOT count =.= Pick something small to begin with, something that might not pay well....something that others might not wanna do. Who needs to give a fuck about what anyone thinks about where you work or what you do there as long as YOU are getting paid and getting valuable EXPERIENCE. Make a deal or something, take less pay for like a month or some shit to get into their good books and get the experience you need to move on. 6 months is ok-ish but it's better to have a year's worth of experience. The optimal amount of experience at a place is between 18-24 months =P


4. BE CONFIDENT!!!! I cannot stress this point enough. I don't mean in their face confident or being a complete dickhead. I mean being confident enough to talk about yourself, sell yourself a bit, twist the truth a little...A LITTLE BIT but not an outright lie. Show that you can learn quickly, paraphrase what they said and repeat that to the potential employer if they're telling you something important. Hell show some bloody insight if you can. Find some common ground or something, it'll make you both more comfortable and you'll be that much closer to finding a new job =]

I think that's about it. There've been quite a few people asking around about how to find a job and I can't be bothered repeating myself that many times...maybe I'll just give them a link to this post next time...meh whatever...I actually don't mind being asked, in fact I feel quite flattered that they think me a job whoring bastard =D

Good luck with finding a job, hope you found some of this helpful ^^

Inane ramblings: Part 3

Too much free time and a lack of employment at the moment means I am bored out of my mind. Fuck my life, I really don't see why I can't get a stable job. I've seen the type of people they hire instead of me in some places and FUCK they can't do shit. The other day I walked into a bar and asked for a caprioska....and you know what? The guy didn't have a clue on how the fuck to make one, I told him step by step on how to make it....but the idiot didn't have any idea what a muddler was. Fucking hell. I walked him through it and shook it myself. Bloody idiot. In any case, I'm just bitching my ass off simply because I have too much free time on my hands. Fuck it. Tomorrow I'm going down to cockle bay wharf and darling harbour to find myself a new fucking job as soon as possible. I'll head out early just to make sure. Fuck I can't even use paragraphs anymore hahahah. I'm probably swearing too much but fuck it, I don't care. All I want is to get some more cash doing what I'm good at and what I enjoy.

No point just staying here and bitching about it...It's time for some action =D

Inane ramblings: Part 2

"If you don't say anything, no one will know", this is probably why I still blog...no that's not it. It IS the reason why I still blog. I want to be heard. I want my existence acknowledged. I want to be remembered. I want to be understood. I'm being selfish. We all are. Humans strive to have their existence acknowledged by others. This is why we (despite our ardent objections and denials) crave information about celebrities and possibly fantasise about being known by the world.

Being self aware means knowing what it means to be alone, knowing that existence has an end but it also means pushing the limits of we can achieve before we perish. Why waste time being sad, being angry or being annoyed when we can just live for the moment and the future? Dwelling on things only makes it worse but thanks to guilt ridden society we live in it's fucking impossible. Especially since society as a whole is mainly dominated by two things: The english language and christianity. Here's why I believe this.

The english language provides the world with the shittest guilt tripping word in all of man kind: SHOULD. Fucking should. Just using that word implies guilt and reflection on your actions/thoughts/feelings/everything else. "Should" should be banished from any and all vocabularies. You should have, I should have, We should have, They should have....All of these phrases have one thing in common: Accusatory connotation. Fuck I'll leave it that. I don't like the word. I'm trying not to use it =/

Christianity...ahhh....my most hated religion. Dominance, social segregation, depression, unnecessary guilt, manipulation, arrogance, corruption, hatred, stupidity and too much other shit. Let's go on about each of the things I've mentioned shall we?

Note to zealous christians: If this offends you, kindly leave before you are offended and invite the wrath of your non-existent god on me =]

Dominance: "Believe in god", the ten commandments, ranking in the priesthood, hell, the celibacy of the priesthood, heaven, etc. Obeying one all mighty being that doesn't have a confirmed tangible form is just asking to be dominated and used. Fuck I won't go into a lot of detail for any of this or I won't stop. In fact I have a feeling that whatever I type after this will somehow relate to domination =/

Social segregation: I wonder who actually wrote the fucking bible. Must've been some puritan king of some sort who had a lot of issues and delusions. Anyways, I'm only gonna say a few words: Believe or you'll die, believe in something else and we'll kill you. What else is there to do but separate into to different groups to avoid retarded zealots? =/

Depression and Unnecessary guilt: Ahhhh....the concept of sin. "This is sin. That is sin. There is sin all around us." Shut the fuck up you retard. Sin is the creation of puritans. Not having any fun or having any sense of enjoyment is tantamount to giving up on life. Don't push your depression on me or anyone else. Fucking puritans. Oh right...I was supposed to be saying something else =/ Anyways confessional box and "confessing" this and that thing. I did this shit thing, I was horny, I had a wank, I had root, I had a fucking drink. Need I say any more?

Fuck I really "shouldn't" continue on my bitching. In fact I won't. This'll take hours to finish and I don't really have the time to be indignant nor will I bother typing this again unless I really need to vent.

[Insert: La di da di da and whatever, so on and so forth, something something something and insert some other shit that sounds meaningful but isn't and some random message to conclude]

Currently reading: "The interpretation of dreams" ~ Freud

Inane ramblings: Part 1

I find myself realising things about myself more and more often these days, maybe it's because of the free time I have to myself or maybe it has something to do with what I've read recently but nevertheless I find myself probing deeper into myself and extracting the reasons for why I do things the way I do.

I'm impulsive and quite reactive. I tend to overreact and comment on almost any given circumstance which is...I suppose a failing of mine but hey it's not like I want to be a retard half the time, I just like to show what I think/feel at the time rather than let it eat me up on the inside. Leaving shit inside will just make that shit fester and fuck you up unless it's something moderately sweet or satisfying. And I just realised I'm rambling and going around in circles again =/

Anyways...I've found out what kind of girl I feel attracted to =O Yea...I know, random... Now shut up and let me continue =P I like a gal who's got a brain....and actually uses it, a gal who can think of her own views, a girl who can stand up for herself and fights for her own place in the world, in other words someone with strength of mind or something like that. I'm not saying that looks aren't a factor like come on! Guys are shallow creatures and so are girls....to a certain extent but not so much as guys hahhaha....I've pissed someone off haven't I...? Shit... Well in any case, that's what I've found out quite recently while sorting through some of the memories of my feelings and sentimental crap like that. Stop laughing! Nah fuck it, laugh away!

Lalalala now that I've revealed that bit of insignificant (to you, not me) information, I can't be fucked typing up anything on here.....oh wait here's another revelation of sorts or well errr a uhhh confession to make... I love to gamble. Noooo I don't mean I love to gamble money, don't get me wrong I enjoy gambling, I like the shiny lights and the ding ding of the blackjack machine but what I mean by gamble is taking risks on things. I like to risk part of my future on going to some random place and asking for a job that may or may not be stable. I like to risk my possible freedom in taking up said jobs that might not even pay me. It might not sound like much...but it is gambling in its own way. I mean if I take a bar job that only offers graveyard shifts and continue studying...aren't I risking my chance at getting into a uni course that I want? Aren't I risking my mental health? Could I possibly be slightly insane? Yes, yes and YES.

Well to cap this crap off I'd like to share what I think of life now. Life is like my favourite gambling game: Blackjack. You can stand where you are and hope for the best and hope that life has dealt you the right cards or you can take a chance and hit and hope that you get the card that you need to gain the upper hand. Wow....that kind of made sense =D

Note to self

Punch ron later

Random Inspiration

To make myself fall asleep, I tend to watch a movie that I've seen that's either mediocre or slightly musical just because I find it hard to sleep in silence unless I'm extremely tired. You might be wondering where this is going but it's more than likely you don't give a shit =] So here I was watching harry potter 6 for the somethingth time and I recall something about the taste of butter beer in the books then all these random ideas on how to make a drink like it just rush into my head. SOOOO here's my recipe for a butter beer not that I've tried making it yet but it seems to be right in theory ^^;

Butter Beer

Serves 2

Ingredients:
3 shots of Bailey's Irish Cream
1 shot of Kahlua coffee liqueur
1 medium sized egg
A dollop of cream (preferably whipped cream)
3 teaspoons of white sugar
120-150mL of milk
Chocolate powder

Instructions:
Add milk and sugar into shaker, stir til mostly dissolved.
Fill shaker with ice, add egg, liqueurs and all other ingerdients. Top off with ice if required.
Shake for about a minute. This recipe has egg and cream in it so you'll have to shake for longer to get everything to mix properly.
Pour into two short glasses (a latte glass should be fine)
Dust off with chocolate powder.

Should be alright. It's a bit on the fatty side with the cream and egg so yea...anyways the egg should make it rich and viscous so don't add more than one egg unless you want it to be REALLY rich.

Yea....random idea, might as well put it somewhere before I forget what the hell I was on about hahahaha. Inspiration does come from anywhere =]

Roll Call

I've learnt a lot of things over the past 4 years thanks to the people around me, some of those things have been completely useless but a majority of the things I've learnt from them have made me who I am today. The first place where I really learned something was at you guessed it...Maccas! No matter how much I complain about that place and how much I bag it out, I really did enjoy working there. Not because of working at maccas itself, I mean who wants to be covered in oil all day? I enjoyed working at maccas because that's where I kind of grew up, I learned to be less naive, gained confidence and more importantly I gained friends that gave me a part of themselves whether it was through lecturing, whacking me on the head or just hanging out. I don't mean to say that all the friends I gained worked at maccas but that was the catalyst for me escaping being an antisocial retard for the rest of my life....not that I'm any less of a retard mind you.

Some of my best friends were found in that period of time and the bonds between us only got stronger, I learned more from them and they learned how to put up with my inane comments and stupidity but somewhere down along the track...I lost contact with some of them due to various reasons but the worst loss of them all well if you know me, you should know who those two people are. I lost 2 of the most irreplaceable people in my life for something that could have been easily remedied but no...I'm one lazy sonuvabitch. I won't forget what I learned from them neither will I forget the good times and the bad because that's what friends are for right? Sticking together regardless of what happens but I suppose I can't meet their expectations. I'm not a child anymore....I still have some childlike tendencies but that's not the point, I have to be able to accept whatever comes and what has already happened and move on...but I can't. Not from this. Not from the loss of something so important and irreplaceable that I can't even really imagine life without them. Sure, I'm a cocky asshole when the occasion calls for it but that's when I'm distracted from my own thoughts, fuck I must sound emo right about now gah whatever, it's my life and my blog. Deal with it.

For all the comfort and sagely advice you've given me Garmon...Thank you, I doubt I could deal with what I'm going through right now without it.
For all the lectures, raging and setting me straight every single time. Thanks Chris, I wouldn't have any confidence or pretty much any backbone if it wasn't for you.

I'm sorry it ended the way it did, I'm sorry for what I put you guys through but sorry isn't enough so instead of whining and making excuses, I'd rather thank you guys for everything you've done. Thanks for not making me feel like an outcast, thanks for being there when I needed it, thanks for putting up with me, thanks for inviting me to everything, thanks for teaching me, thanks for getting angry at me, thanks for being blunt with me, thanks for telling me off but most of all. Thanks for being my friends. I miss you guys more than I can express in words. Fuck my life, can't I type this shit without tearing up? Fuck. Life isn't the same without you guys.

I sincerely hope that whatever you guys are doing, that you're doing well and happy.

The hunt continues

It's been about what? Over half a month since I last blogged? So here I am again, sitting here being irritated by an assortment of issues, some of them random and some of them pretty damn serious....or so I like to believe. Well let's get on with it.

I'm still in debt and still looking for a STABLE job. I've been paying the debt off $50 a week and I can't really complain that much, it's not like I didn't do this to myself but in any case I don't really care about my debt any more, when it's gone, it's gone. More important is my search for a stable source of income which isn't going that well... I think. I've had more than 4 jobs this year and it's not something to be proud of, here's some shit I had to deal with so far:

Calling up for a shift - A major pain in the ass, seriously. Who the hell wants to call up and ask for a shift and then get a reply like "I'm sorry we don't have any shifts available at the moment" or not even getting paid for whatever work you did do. Pain the fucking ass indeed.

Not getting called back AFTER they tell you you've got the job - Right...I don't really need to say anything on this do I? I mean, I called them to remind them I exist and that I want to work...what do I get? "Send me your resume again, I'll call you back" Great....

There's more but FUCK! It irritates me just thinking about it. Continuing on...I've had more job interviews than I can really remember, most of which have people who shitloads more qualified than me...mainly because they're in their mid 20s and 30-40s. No point in trying to compete there hahahaha. Let's see...what else has gone wrong with my interviews? Oh yea, calling myself a job whore when I was asked what my friends would describe me as....damn you Sheryl! I've applied for way too many jobs this year, hell it's bound to have hit the 200 mark by now =/ It hit the 100 mark some time in February.

If you think about how many applications I've made you'd think I would've found a stable job by now ^^; Yea....you'd think that wouldn't you? Clearly you're wrong. In fact applying for all those jobs brings all sorts of consequences like having TWO INTERVIEWS SCHEDULED AT THE SAME TIME! Cancel one and go to the other...great...worst part is PICKING ONE. I know, I shouldn't be complaining, at least I can get an interview....but it's still a pain in the fucking ass.

If you don't know me then you don't know about my work experience so....don't think I'm some whingy gen Y'er that has no qualifications. Been working my ass off since the age of 15 and the longest period of time that I've been unemployed since then has been this shit period of time since January. I am bloody qualified and fuck it all if I don't have the right to be proud of it. I'm a hell of a barista, an inventive cocktail bartender, a sociable manager and most of all I AM....wait...fuck I don't know but I'll figure it out later.

Tomorrow is gonna be one busy day, I'm going to find me a new job....again. Let's see...call up star city and see if they're serious about employing me then pop by the local TAB and ask the manager if he'll take me on and maybe I'll head down to that cafe and see if they still have a position vacant. Hell, who knows what the future has in stall for me but all I know is I'm going to welcome whatever comes with everything that I am.

Shattered Pieces

Just like how a glass shatters, my family has just done that...I think...my parents are at the very edge of divorce and I'm sure that will happen. Just like the shards of glass on the floor, picking up the pieces of this family will only cut you even more. No point in bitching about it, hell I don't know how I should be feeling but that's mainly because of the alcohol in my system...I think. I'm more curious than apprehensive about this whole divorce thing. I'm very certain that it will happen, I'm just surprised my parents have actually stuck together for so long =/

Well things aren't looking that great at the moment...I have a huge debt (over $2400) thanks to the overcharging practices of Optus....bastards....meh I'll just avoid purchasing any optus product in the future >=D On top of that....I still haven't got a call from my "employer" =.= Gah life is a pain =/

Damn...it has always been my job to clean up the mess in the house and I don't feel like cleaning up this one. Fuck it, it's not my job. I'm going to sit here and drink my TED (Toohey's Extra Dry for future references), relax and watch the events unfold. Too bad someone else has to pick up the pieces though.

Food for thought

Well well, it's been a while since I last blogged. Lack of net, random assignments, random cbf moments....wait...random cbf? Che I cbf all the time what the fuck am I on about =/ Anyways, without any further ado let's get to the meaty part of my random thoughts. Yesterday I had a very interesting discussion with Iris on how a person's taste in food can be used to describe a person...and there's some random chinese saying that describes it. It's supposed to be something like if you can't eat bitter foods then you won't be able to deal with the bitter things in life. Interesting no?

Continuing on... I know people say shit like "You are what you eat" and I think that's kinda true. Kids being immature and only know the good things in life (generally speaking) prefer sweet things, as they grow up the kids will learn to enjoy salty things, endure bouts of sourness and eventually learn to taste the bitter sting of defeat without rejecting it completely. What I'm trying to say is...food is a universal language and a person's personal preference in one of the 4 categories of taste says a lot about them.

The four main categories of taste are: Sweet, Salty, Sour and Bitter. Supposedly there's a 5th taste called umami (savoury) but I'll skip that for now. Now for my thoughts =]

Sweet~ Ahhh sweetness, defined by a random article I read in a newspaper as the least refined taste in the world as well as metaphor for happiness. As the least complex and most popular taste, it really does define the people who enjoy sweetness the most. Children = Happy and uncomplicated. I could also say that people in distress (mainly girls) like to have something sweet that reminds them of better times or perhaps even bring them hope for the possibility of happiness in the future. Kind of reminds me of those pampered silly women way past their expiry date, I am of course referring to Pittypat from Gone with the Wind. Silly woman...Read the book it's a good read, thoroughly enjoyable. Oh idealists, fatties and people who choose to ignore anything that isn't good could be the other types of people who like sweet things a bit too much.

Salty~ Saltiness, slightly more refined than the taste of sweetness but still a relatively simple taste compared to bitter and sour. You could say if something tastes salty it's down to earth kind of like how people learn to accept reality (damn christians...continue eating your sweet bread and live in your delusional world -.-), in other words growing up or learning about new things I suppose. I really can't find an adequate explanation for this taste =/

Sour~ Blegh, gah, etc. The initial response to anything sour or even something surprising. A tolerance of sour foods like lemons could mean that a person can deal with things that don't go according to plan in life. But then again, it could reflect what a person is like....like err someone could have a bad disposition to everything acting "sour". Bad sportsmanship for example could be classified as being sour but that could mean that person has not tolerance for anything sour o___O

Bitter~ Apparently it's the taste of poison. It takes time to develop a taste for bitter things like coffee and alcohol making this taste more refined than the others in a way. A person who cannot endure the taste of bitterness can't deal with failure in life, figuratively speaking of course. To really appreciate something bitter, you have to be able to taste it and come out with a better understanding of it. Kind of like problems and failures in life, learning from your mistakes and thinking back on the experience to remind yourself about your lesson. Something like that? Maybe I'm over analysing...meh...continuing on....drinking coffee in the morning, a typically "adult" preference/habit could be a way of reinforcing the value of being able to deal with problems...but then there's the issue of adding sugar. The amount you add determines how much of the problem you can really deal with.

Savoury~ I know I said I'd skip this but....hell it's a good one ^^ Savoury foods...who doesn't enjoy them? I don't know of anyone that doesn't like savoury foods so I'll get to the point. Savouring experiences or prolonging a feeling or whatever you want to call it is what this taste is about. Everyone wants to have fun just that much longer, to enjoy that moment for a little more...it's a taste that no one can deny. People who enjoy too much savoury foods could be called indulgent and errr.....could possibly end up fat =P

Mix and match the tastes and you can see a bit of what a person is like. A guy who consumes a lot of bitter things but eats a sweet cake with it, say....coffee with no sugar could be someone who has had a rough time but dreams of better times. Salt and vinegar on chips! Now that's a combination to randomly go on about! Salty - realistic. Sour - surprise. Savoury - enjoyment. Errr....Living in the real world, likes something a bit out of the ordinary and enjoys life generally ^^; Hahahaha......I shouldn't into it too much, it isn't that accurate but I do honestly believe your preferences in the taste of your food reflect a bit of who you are and how you deal with life. You are what you eat after all =]

Restricted

It's 4am in the morning and I'm still awake but it's not like I haven't done something constructive. In the past 3 hours I have applied for 3 jobs online and contemplated how society is going down the drain. Let me clear this up a bit, I don't mean society is completely shit but it looks like it's heading that way.

All of these new laws and restrictions that are poised to strike society are doing more harm than good despite the intentions. Remember, someone said (I can never remember the guy who said this =/): "The greatest harm can come from the best of intentions". This is by far one of the most accurate descriptions I can think of regarding those damned "anti-smacking" laws. These laws prevented parents from physically abusing their children in public BUT COME ON! Kids these days are running rampant, screaming at the top of their lungs, walking as if they have a right to every single little thing, swearing at their parents, swearing at strangers, swearing at fucking everyone! I know what some people are thinking right about now...the kids can't help how they behave, they're kids. Fuck off. Right now. Get the fuck away from this site. Never come back until you realise it's both society and the parent's fault (I would also like to blame christianity but that would offend too many people...wait too late already did).

When these restrictions on disciplining your children came into place, I'm sure it was largely supported but....did anyone really think of the children? Like really thought about how they would turn out not just how they were being treated. A punch is too far, a kick, obviously. Throwing? Ok....too far (no pun intended). But a slap to the face? Hell, I think that's a perfectly fine way to discipline a child, especially if the kid has been a complete wrecking machine or like a rabid dog. If your kid was screaming his/her head off just for the sake of a fucking chocolate bar and threw a tantrum just to get it. Fuck. You slap that kid's face. It will shut the damned brat up and teach em never to do it again. Just the threat of you doing again is a deterrent. Key word: AGAIN.

I swear...kids these days, they have no respect for anyone older than themselves, no discipline and absolutely no sense of responsibility for their own actions. Once again I point my finger at society. Sure, kids have a right to not be abused but the rest of us (the majority) have a right not to be abused by brats. The media went into a frenzy just because a mother slapped her child in a shopping center a few years back. At that time, I thought "good parent" but the fucking annoying and overwhelmingly loud minority of "think of the children" retarded mothers (I say mothers instead of parents....it's always the rich wife who's devoted to religion that sparks this kind of idiocy), scream out for blood. They believe that children can be taught to be civilised without the use of discipline. Well yea...your snot nosed brat has everything he/she wants, why wouldn't the "planned" accident be errr....."civilised" =.=

Continuing on...The hysteria over a single slap...it was enough to increase the amount of children running amok. What could the reasonable parents do? They couldn't even hit their child due to the fear that they too would be prosecuted for such a necessary act of minute violence to maintain order as well as educate. If I ever saw a parent discipline their child in public for a good reason (I can think of so damn many good reasons....), I swear...that parent should be given some kind of award for having the guts to stop curb their offspring. It's the duty of a parent to take care of their child and teaching the kid proper etiquette is a vital part of that. I'm no parent but as a young adult coming to terms with himself, I honestly believe that being disciplined as a child in both public and private was beneficial to me. I didn't just get slapped....I'm asian, my dad WAS beyond strict so....let your imagination run wild, no seriously, let it run really wild. Make sure to include the sound of a bamboo cane swinging through the air....good times =/

Anyways, from just this simple restriction, a huge proportion of the later part of my generation and the almost the entirety of generations thereafter are simply too free in their upbringing creating senselessly violent and self righteous people. This might just be a generalisation but hell, the argument of everything being done for the children has been overused and is completely abused by every loudmouthed religious control freak (fucking fanatics....go play god somewhere else, preferably in isolation). The argument, valid as it may be in many cases, is now being used by the bloody government as an excuse to implement an internet filter.

Sure...the filter sounds reasonable in theory to someone who doesn't realise wtf the filter really means. Blocking website that contain offensive material involving children doesn't sound bad, in fact it sounds pretty good.....but is it the right thing to do? Fuck. No. An internet filter is just another word for internet censorship. CENSORSHIP! Grrrr... Yes, an excuse to be able to edit any and all incoming and outgoing data that goes through the australian internet connection. Sure it MIGHT prevent kids from watching porn or w/e but that's never gonna stop an adolescent boy from watching porn. Duh. It's the parent's duty to monitor the activities of the child. IT'S THE PARENT'S DUTY TO ENSURE THAT THE KID DOESN'T GET ACCESS TO WHATEVER THE PARENT DEEMS INAPPROPRIATE! It's not the government's job, it never was, and it NEVER should be. If the internet is censored....opinions will disappear and information will be erased or blocked. Any negative views will be removed from public access....we'll become like china....fml. No freedom of information. Information is extremely valuable so having a lack of access to information will cause people to be more easily manipulated by both the government and the media. Wiki the TAMPA incident for an example.

In any case, I just really had to get this off my chest. Society is going to be fucked. Look at it. With each new restriction designed to prevent the decline of morals and integrity, the descent into chaos increases ten fold. If children are the future....then why are we fucking them up? These protections are simply causing our future to become bleak and chaotic. Not to mention COMPLETELY FUCKED UP!

I'd just like to say thank you to all the idiotic religious housewives with too much time on their hands for starting public outcries and giving a government an excuse to control every aspect of our lives. In case you didn't notice, this entire paragraph is drenched with sarcasm. Thanks again....now go rot by yourself, I don't wanna get dragged down along with you.

Last thing,
To all you parents who actually do know how to discipline your children, Bravo! YOu all deserve medals or some kind of award =] (This obviously doesn't include the idiots I mentioned before). So yea, keep up the good work and hopefully there are more of you out there!

Smokin' Shadows

The thought just hit me when I was walking home from the station. As I looked at the ground, I noticed how the lights made a mass of shadows of myself appear and how they moved as I moved. Eventually when there was only one shadow left, I realised that shadows kind of represented how people are in reality. Allow me to elaborate (I love this word =D).

Imagine each light is a person, a stranger, a friend, an acquaintance or even a pet. Each light that shines on you creates a different shadow, each shadow being only a small part of the bigger darker shadow that forms under a a really bright light, the bright light being someone you really care for or vice versa or mutual. Anyways...what I'm trying to say is err...Everyone behaves differently towards different people, only revealing a single shadow to each light. With each additional light, you reveal another piece of yourself, another shadow or something like that. I don't know what I'm talking about anymore hahahah. Take what you want from it =]

Huh...you COULD say each shadow is a bond or burden too =/ I can't be bothered explaining more. In other news: I have decided to quit smoking simply because I want to be able to run again. Not being able to run just pisses me off for some reason...of all things that could have motivated me to quit, this one has got to be the least probable hahahhaa. Some of the other reasons I could've picked would be:

-Girls (most don't like smokers), I don't really care if they don't like it hahaha
-Cancer, I don't planning on living til my 80s, if I get cancer and it ain't treatable, fuck it I'll go out in some memorable manner and have some fun =D
-Health, running kind of counts but....meh I wouldn't really say that. I exercise frequently anyway =P

SO, here we are at the end of another one of my pointless and incoherent ramblings...what to say, what to say....well first off, I'm cutting down my intake of cigarettes by a huge amount. From the average of 25+ a day down to 8 today is a huge improvement and I'm sort of proud of myself....SORT OF... At any rate I'd just like to say something profound and thought provoking: Unfortunately, I have nothing...again =.=

Til next time random people randomly browsing through random blogs!

Distracted from apathy =]

Ok, I'm good now. It's all good, the past is the past and whatever happened, happened and there's turning back. So whatever =] In other news, I've decided to play Gridiron xD The good ol american sport of strength, speed, skill and tactics. There's nothing like it in Australia....Rugby is meh....it's alright but it has nothing on Gridiron ahahaha. I plan on trying out for Wide Receiver or Corner Back! Both are catching positions but both require a fair bit of speed.

Anyways, I plan on going skydiving in July just to throw it all away or something deep and meaningful like that. Fun. SO I'd just like to say: I am perfectly fine albeit a little bit crazy ahahahaha. A 170-180cm asian kid playing gridiron....now that would be pretty crazy =P When I signed up for it, I found out that I was the only asian opting for full contact instead of playing "flag" hahahaa. Flag is like oztag in australia. There's no contact....well not really but yea, you were tags/flags on each side of you and you get "tackled" if one is removed. Per~ut~tee~ lame hahaha.

Hmmm....I know I'm probably gonna be a single dickhead for a very long time. And since I just got ummm....errr....need a not-so-harsh word for this...right...here it is: Declined! Yes, since I was declined recently (sounds a bit like a credit card doesn't it?), I don't think I'm prepared for another rush of emotions overriding every bit of my system. But I'm fine now. Exercising is one of the many ways I cope with things so no big deal.

Final words: SIS, CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU GO DOWN TO MELBOURNE AND DRAG HIS ASS BACK TO SYDNEY!! Wait...wait....STAY IN MELBOURNE!! SYDNEY SUCKS!!! STAY THERE!!!

I know I said final words but here are some more: Damn, need a STABLE JOB!

Faulty Electronics

I can't sleep, something is still on my mind. Damn it. I'm so....stricken...this isn't right. There's a video playing and the stop button won't work. I feel as if my mind has become a broken dvd player, playing the same dvd over and over with no way of ejecting the disc. Why am I like this? I should be able to accept it and move on...but the fucking eject button won't work!

So many things I wanted to say yet I lacked the guts to do so. So many things I wanted to do but they will never come to pass. One step down one path means leaving the other behind but.....why do I see my own footprints?

I knew the answer. I asked for it even though I knew. I took that answer. That should have been final. But. Why? Why aren't I anywhere near shutting down these “feelings”? Why hasn't the dvd player been unplugged? Why? Why can't I just move the hell on already?

Was listening to:

You Give Me Something – James Morrison
All Your Reasons – Matchbox 20
If My Heart Was A House – Owl City
Unwell – Matchbox 20
How You Remind Me – Nickelback
Addicted – Ellegarden

Well, time to smash the dvd player against the wall and see if that'll eject the disc. Maybe it'll be enough to put me to sleep.

Distracted

Whenever I take a shower or have a quiet smoke on my own, I tend to think about things....things like my future, what I've been doing lately, how satisfied I am with myself and all those other thoughts that make you melancholic. No one knows what the future will hold, so wondering about my own future is pointless but somewhat entertaining in its own way...you know what I mean? Like...planning too far ahead just for the sake of it, you know, making outrageous plans for the future that will probably never come true hahahaha....fuck. 

But yea, it has come to my attention that I am without a doubt, too much of an optimist when it comes to my own future excluding any and all connections to girls....unless those plans include opening up a strip club but that ain't gonna happen...wait a sec....there's an idea...nah that would be kinda pathetic...ahahahaa. In any case, I tend to think on the positive side when I plan something, disregarding all the problems that might come my way then I get overexcited about whatever it is I might be planning. But hey, a guy has got to have some dreams right? Dream big or don't dream at all, risk all or don't risk anything, do or die and some other random things (think of them yourself, I'm way too lazy right now).  

Rightio I'm still in a douschey mood so I'm gonna be a total retard, as per usual...nevertheless I am going to plow through my thoughts again. Right now, I am in no way satisfied with myself, I'm employed but the job doesn't seem to give me shifts (again....why....), I still have that debt floating over my head and I'm still pretty iffy about my body. Nothing I can do about the job except look for another one =/ I've been doing random exercises everyday just to see if it has any effect on me, here's a list of crap I do =P

- About 200-300 push ups each day (about 50-100 every 2 or so hours =/)

- 100-150 curls with shitty 5kg dumbbells (Sets of 50 =.=)

- 60-100 of those chest exercises, the one where you spread your arms with weights in em and bring your arms back to the centre, shit explanation but whatever =P

- 60-100 of the shitty triceps exercise, bend like a dousche and lift the weights backwards?

- 10-20 minutes of sit ups (usually for 3-5 minutes at a time...until my abdominal area is killing me ahahahha)

And there we go, my shitty everyday exercise thingo, I'm surprised I've kept with it and it kinda  makes me feel better about myself....except for the fact I'm only using 5kg =.= Phails....

I'm inept, incompetent, a total failure or what have you BUT I'm working on it...let's exclude the competency  with girls again, we all know I'm never going to improve on that ahahahaha.....errr....right...yea....back to me blabbering on about what the hell I'm trying to do. I've tried, I've failed, I've picked myself up and hurled myself against the wall again and again, took a break and started again but while doing that I haven't realised how futile it is. Maybe it's my imagination but I don't know when to give up, I'm still hitting that wall even though there's a nice even path right beside me.

I wonder what will last longer....the wall or me?

Fuck, I just realised this post has absolutely no coherent pattern or w/e, screw it, my posts never had any structure to begin with....well la~di~da~ I can't be bothered fixing it, back to doing random exercises to force out some endorphins.

Bored Again -sigh-

I'm bored so here's something that I randomly drink when I want some vitamin C without phlegm building up in my throat from the sugar in plain old juice. Here we go!

Fill half a glass/cup with orange juice. Fill the other half with soda water. Squeeze some lime juice into the drink. Ta~da! Simple yet oddly refreshing ahahaha. 

Random dessert =O

My epic Affogato>>

Ingredients: Premium Ice cream (Preferably White Chocolate or Vanilla but White Choc is better =P), Freshly brewed Expresso (Must have crema!), Frangelico.

1. Scoop a ball of ice cream into a coffee cup.

2. Using a coffee machine, brew expresso over the ice cream. Considering this is a dessert and not a drink, use no more than 45mL of expresso in other words, use no more than one and a half shots of expresso =]

3. Using a spoon coat the affogato with 30mL of Frangelico.

4.Serve in the cup on a plate with small dessert spoons.

This works for both winter and summer....wait....all year round ahahaha. Yea a bit rich so don't make it too often. Fullay goes well with a coffee or hot chocolate on the side. If serving with hot chocolate....go with vanilla ice cream, there's way too much sweetness if you have the white choc ice cream as well >.<

Fullay stuck at home....no work tonight Q___Q I still need money....gah....Please donate non existent money into my non existent fund to support me ^^;

Spiral into spaghetti

I have a new random take on life...well another random theory/analogy for life's opportunities. Life's opportunities are like a spiral, when life begins, you start on the outermost ring. At this point, there are almost an infinite amount of possibilities waiting for you but as you grow older, you move towards the center of the spiral, slowly but surely reducing the amount of opportunities that come your way. Sure you might have more money, experience and w/e but you're weighed down by responsibilities that pretty much halt any and all advances into another area. By the time you're almost dead, you've almost reached the center of the spiral and have shit all opportunities. Random theory? Yes. Stupid? Maybe. Nothing better to do? ummm...errr...damn it.

Lost my line of thought and randomly remembered some random recipes taught to me by a 3-4 star italian chef =D Better write them down before I forget.

Authentic Bolognaise! (Or close to it!)

Serves 4 or 8 small portions

Steak - at least half a kilo. Get it from the butcher's, it's cheaper and you can get whatever piece you want minced on demand.

Onion - One brown onion, diced

Celery - About 2-3 stalks, same amount as a diced onion

Carrot - Same amount as diced onion

Olive oil

Salt & Pepper

Red wine -  One glass (Personally I prefer Pinot Noir in cooking)

Tomatoes - A can of diced tomatoes will do nicely, sometimes its better than fresh tomatoes for some reason ahahaha

Spaghetti - 500g packet =P

1. Cook onions, celery and carrot in olive oil on medium-high until soft in a pot. 

2. Throw in the minced steak, cook until brown.

3. Add a pinch of salt and pepper, add glass of wine immediately after, stir thoroughly. (the wine will spread the salt and pepper through the sauce evenly not to mention it will add some nice flavour =]). Errr...Boil? (or keep it on medium high) for about 5 minutes to remove alcohol.

4. Add the tomatoes. Stir through well. Allow the sauce to simmer for another 5 minutes. 

5. Add Spaghetti (I'm assuming you cooked it while the sauce was being prepared). Stir, mix well etc whatever you wanna call it.

6. Serve, duh

Random spaghetti tip from the italian guy: For spaghetti el dente or proper spaghetti or something like that, cook spaghetti until it has a very thin line of flour left in the middle. Take a bite to check. The thing is, the pasta will cook once when you boil it, a second time in the sauce, and it will still be cooking when you place it on the table. By the time you eat it, it'll be damn near perfect hahahha or something like that. Please DON'T blame me for your mistakes =P

Anyways, I really can't be bothered writing down how to make good gravy. SOOOO here's a shortcut. 

Buy chicken stock cubes. Make the stock. Boil down until it becomes consistent, like gravy-ish texture (you'll lose alotta water but gravy needs to be thick =P). Add the gravy powder thingo (something like gravox). Ta~da! Gravy!

Add green peppercorns at the end and cook for a while for peppercorn sauce.

Add button mushrooms at the end and cook for a while for mushroom sauce.

Add worcestershire sauce and cream at the end and cook for a while for diane sauce.

I can't be bothered writing down anymore details for this so yea...need something random to finish this post off....hmmm....errr...fuck....got nothing again. Screw it, I'm gonna watch Interview with the Vampire before I sleep so shut up and go back to your twilight films. If you actually considered that....you're on the wrong blog mate.